


Act I: Wasteland

by Lolcakes



Series: Atom Bomb Baby [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3, Fallout 4, Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Fallout, Angst, Blood and Violence, Drug Use, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fallout, Fluff, Gore, Humor, I'm a trash mammal, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Naiema Del Rey - Freeform, Original Character(s), Original Story in Fallout Universe, Sensitive Topics and Discussion, Sexual Abuse, Slavery, Slow Build, Slow Burn, This bitch is like a novel now., Too much cursing, Tragedy, cursing, john hancock - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-05-27 12:28:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 69,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6284605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolcakes/pseuds/Lolcakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate universe in the Fallout game series. The story follows the main characters Naiema Del Rey (OC) and John Hancock. Kidnapped as a little girl from a vault, she learns about the new world and herself. She makes friends and enemies as she travels the vast wasteland of what used to be the United States of America. Her adventures depicts very sensitive topics as she embarks on her own hero's journey. It also contains many story lines throughout the fallout games. Visiting places never heard of before and popular places such as The Commonwealth, Capital Wasteland and New Vegas. There should be minimal spoilers from any of the games. Chapters with sensitive content will be noted at the start of the chapter. I gift you Fallout and all it's gritty glory!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you that have read this fic before and are wondering where all the chapters went, I want to inform you that I am revising it to be a better story. It may take a little bit to catch up to where we were and I apologize for starting it over. I understand that you may not want to read all the way back through it, but you may be lost due to a good chunk of stuff changing. I look forward to all of us moving forward to better stuff than what I posted a year ago. Thanks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has violence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to start off slow. My apologies but I'm more interested in writing a good story than instant smut. Fanfiction is new to me so please be patient and I hope you enjoy it! Ill try to update as frequently as possible. <3
> 
> Naiema (Nye-E-Ma)

     I remember clean rooms, clean water, clean food, hot showers, small rust spots on the old machinery, my father’s tenacity, my friend Angel’s gentleness, but most of all the safety and peace. I went to school and learned about the great United States of America. I learned about the green grass and flowers that bloomed in the spring. The hot summers where kids would go outside and play with a water hose that sprayed clean water. The cold winters where snow would fall and people would rejoice as they built snowmen. The basics of boring math and interesting sciences. What we learned about the most was The Great War. We always knew why we were there, but never understood fully what was left of Earth. We went about life as if things would pick up the way they were before the bombs. We believed that it would. All we had to do was wait until the vault door opened. _That door… People looked at it like a lifeline or a way out of being trapped in a cage._ I too, fantasized about what would await out there. I wanted to see the trees change color in the fall. I had no idea then how good I had it in the vault. Then again, there is a lot of things I take for granted whenever I allow myself to think about it for too long. The clear reminders are there as I lie upon this nasty and dank mattress… just staring at the ruined wallpaper. My finger traces the bomb collar as I reminisce about how it all started.

     When I was a little tot, my father would read books to me until I fell asleep. By the time I was 4, I was reading books way beyond my reading level. I would read books about worlds different than our own. Alien planets, princesses being saved by knights in shining armor, dragons that hoarded treasure, pirates that sailed the salty seas, and eventually I moved on to harder non-fictional textbooks.  I spent a lot of my free time reading any books I could get my hands on the older I got. I began to love learning about our world and imagined it was its own fictional story. The fact that a planet could have things as big as whales and as small as a puppy had fascinated me. The fact it existed made me long for more than the ever-shrinking walls of Vault 203.

     When I was 8, I made my first friend. There was a fair number of children I grew up with but I was usually the outsider. I was too busy daydreaming, had my head in a book, was doodling anything my imagination conjured up or was picked on for having two different colored eyes. Dr. Haines told me once that there was no one else like me on record to have ever lived in the vault. The parents would say the radiation made me a mutant or something along those lines and that’s the reason my mom died giving birth. The kids didn’t bully me too harshly but I was usually excluded from games, sports, and birthday parties. One evening, I was sitting on the stairs close to the residential quarters. I was waiting for my dad to get off work so we could read together. He was an engineer in the water treatment wing of the vault and it was a tradition to walk home together every night. While waiting, one of the older girls skipped over to me and crouched down by my side. Her name was Angel. She had freckles that spread like constellations across her face. Her hair was orange and curly. She was popular because of her uniqueness while I was judged for mine. We had a lot of unique diversity in that vault now that I think about it but her family had been one of interest to everyone while mine was frowned upon. Not even the end of the world could kill racism.

 

>      _“What ya drawing?” she inquired as she hovered over my sketchbook. Her thick southern accent was sweet and innocent._
> 
> _“Oh. Um... nothin.” I replied and pressed the pages to my chest in defense. She rolled off her feet and sat next to me._
> 
> _Her smile was genuine as she spoke. “It’s really good! Please, can I see it?”_
> 
> _I felt a blush creep through my face and I slowly let the sketchbook fall to my lap. Her eyes sparkled as she snatched the pages out of my hand. “Hey!!” I whined._
> 
> _“I knew you were good!! Ulysses told me you couldn’t draw at all!” She exclaimed in excitement a she held up the sketchbook._
> 
>      _“Thank you…” I said shyly._
> 
> _Her smile grew bigger with every turn of the page. “I wish you could of met my mum. She would of loved these.” She placed the sketchbook back in my lap and continued to sit next to me. “I wish I could draw like mum did.”_
> 
> _“I…I can try to teach you?” I said enthusiastically._
> 
> _“Really!? That would be sooo cool!” Her eyes were shining with excitement._
> 
>        _I heard my dad’s voice and my face lite up. My eyes searched for him in the hallway. He was talking to old Mrs. Connery. He looked upset. I stared at him as I tried to hear what they were saying to each other. “It doesn’t look good. We may have a few years for cushion but something is going to have to be done before then. Otherwise…” He looked up at me and smiled. He touched the older woman’s shoulder and directed her further down the hallway. I had forgotten Angel was even there. When I turned to look at her, she too was staring in the direction of my father. She turned to me and smiled again. That signature toothy grin she had and the kids adored her for._

 

     From then on, we were best friends. Angel’s mother was an artist. I suppose that’s why Angel took a liking to me. I liked to draw and we had both lost our mothers. She lost her’s at a young age and I never knew mine. Her mother used to paint all the time but the supplies dwindled eventually and she stopped. Soon after that, she became depressed. She passed away a year later when Angel was still very little. My dad told me it was from a bad heart. I never could figure out if that meant physically or mentally. There were rumors of her committing suicide. Back then it made me feel sorry for Angel. Now? _It was probably for the better…_

     She invited me to her 10th birthday party. I had never been so nervous in my life when the day came. She was almost two years older than me and had a lot of older friends. Despite my nervousness, she treated me with such kindness. She made sure I was included on pin the tail on the mole rat and truth or dare. During the game, I had mostly picked truth. No way was I going to let them humiliate me with a dare.

 

>      _“Truth.” I said quickly._
> 
>        _“Okay! Why are you so weird, two toned?!” A small boy named Timmy asked._
> 
> _They kept finding ways to humiliate me despite me never picking dare. I felt insecure and wanted to leave. Before I could get up and leave the circle of kids, Angel spoke up. “She isn’t strange! She’s creative! I saw her reading this one book that has aliens in it!” She continued like that for a while. Everyone started asking me to tell them some stories I had read. I smiled and finally felt accepted. Maybe being in this vault wasn’t so bad._

 

     I remember looking over to Angel when I was describing one of the many adventures I had read. Her eyes sparkled with such passion. Everyone wanted more than those metal walls. Even the kids dreamed of a better life. Regardless, I had started to accept that place and finally felt like I belonged there.

      It wasn’t long after my 12th birthday that things began to unravel in the vault. Angel and I were sitting in my room having a conversation like we did every Friday evening. Usually it was about boys, school or the latest gossip about some of the older kids and adults. That night though, we were struggling with the realization that everyone eventually faced… That beyond that vault door the world couldn’t be the same as before the bombs. No matter what we had always been taught, logic overruled the fantasy. Some people refused to believe it and tried to have high hopes. Hopes that the vault wasn’t what was left of life on Earth.

  

>     _“I’m sure it’s not as bad as some of them are saying Naiema… Come on. Even Dr. Haines told you it isn’t impossible that things are similar to before the bombs.” She spoke softly as she brushed my straight blonde hair. She loved to play with my hair and said she could do more with it than hers. I let her do as she pleased. Besides, it was relaxing._
> 
> _“I spied on Dad in the water treatment wing Angel…” I swallowed hard. “Food isn’t the only thing that’s going to be rationed.” I turned to her with a frown. “Why do you think they put a limit on showers now?”_
> 
> _Angel just smiled and turned me back around to begin braiding my hair. “You are too smart for your own good Nai. Things will work out.”_
> 
> _I sighed and relaxed. “I just want to be prepared is all. I guess I’m being dramatic.”_
> 
> _“No. You are being smart and careful. You’ve always been quick on your feet and I’m sure that if anyone can make the most out of a bad situation… it’s you. So! Don’t stress over it! Nothing bad has happened yet and we don’t know if it ever will.” She left it at that and so did I._

 

     We disagreed on the vault subject but we never argued about it. If anything, I admired her optimism. We were still too young to imagine what awaited out there and the impact it would have on all of us. However, as the weeks passed things grew tense in the vault. No one knew when Vault 203 was scheduled to open or if there was any Vault Tech left to come for us. Supplies were dwindling and the vault had become overpopulated 40 years ago from what I had heard. Tension was building so high that even the children, including myself, caught on quick to what was happening. The newer generations were pushing for overriding the vault door and opening it early. My dad was among those that supported the idea of opening the door. Everyone had a different opinion but most were scared. They were scared that their dreams of perfect suburban neighborhoods and rainbows would be shattered. What was out there? What had become of humanity besides our community? No one knew and Overseer Bradley had refused to even consider the idea of overriding the door. Angel was a big encouragement and distraction from paying attention to the adult’s problems. Back then, I secretly poured every piece of imagination into what it would be like if the door opened during my lifetime. I would wonder if there were new alien-like species and draw them up. It had been centuries since Vault 203 closed its door after all.

     When I wasn’t drawing, reading, or spending time with either my dad or Angel, I spent a lot of my time helping the resident scientists. I’d do small tasks and clean mostly. They wouldn’t let me do anything more than that and delivering medication to the residents. They were mainly doctors, but there were a couple of botanist, biologist and some other fields. The title was passed down generation to generation based off grades and the G.O.A.T tests. We all had to take it when we were 16 but I couldn’t wait the four years to learn more than the books they could spare. After some months, it was all I did. It consumed me so much that I even stopped drawing and reading fiction novels. I would ditch class to be in their labs. When I wasn’t in the labs bothering them, I was with Angel. She supported me in skipping class. She said I was too smart for the stuff they were learning about. My father, of course, was disappointed but eventually gave in and was proud of my determination. He said it reminded him of my mother. _Oh if she could see her darling daughter now_ … Overseer Bradley didn’t take to kindly to the idea but decided I could spend as much time as I wanted in the labs after class. I had to stay out of their way most of the time or I would be banned from the science wing. I did my best in that regard but I still snooped around when no one was looking. Sometimes Angel and I would even sneak in during the night.

 

>     _“So what’s this green stuff?” I said as I got my yearly round of vaccinations. Dr. Haines looked at me with a stern look and sighed. I’d become curious about everything that went on in the labs and especially what was going in my body._
> 
> _“It’s a vaccine Naiema.”_
> 
> _"But what kind of vaccine?” I questioned as I looked at the almost fluorescent green liquid in the syringe._
> 
> _He brought it closer to my neck. “I’ve already told you… It’s to prevent radiation sickness. The vault can only keep so much of the stuff out. Now you know you need to spend this week recovering from your vaccines, right? You know like the normal kids are doing... We don’t want a repeat of last year… You guys get time off school for this…” He said annoyed._
> 
> _I frowned at him and huffed. I never liked staying in bed for too long. I would get bored and go do whatever I wanted regardless of my health. Last year, I over did it and got really sick. I had to stay in the Hospital Wing for almost two weeks. It was so boring after I had picked apart everything that existed in the room. My dad had to stay with me to make sure I didn’t get into trouble. Dr. Haines inserted the syringe into an artery on my neck. I instantly began to feel ill and nauseous. The pinch didn’t bother me as much as the burning in my veins. “Ugh… but why the whole week? It’s so boring and I feel fine after the vaccines….” I whined to him._
> 
> _“Stay still will you?! Look, you’re a smart girl, Naiema. I’ll let you know a secret if you promise to tell no one. Not even your dad.”_
> 
> _My eyes widened and a grin formed on my face. The needle exited my skin and he began to put a band aid there. I already began to feel better as the needle left my soft tissue. “Really?!” I exclaimed._
> 
> _“Yes… but you have to give me your word. This is important. Top secret stuff.” He shifted to place the syringe in a sanitation box and turned back to face me._
> 
> _“I promise!!!” I said a little too loudly._
> 
> _“Shhh Alright!? These vaccines... They are going to get stronger as you get older. They will start to affect you more. To be honest, no one recovers from them faster than you, apart from you over doing it last year. You’re special. One day you’re going to be the key to a huge scientific breakthrough. So, take your full week so the other kids don’t get insecure. Okay? Let the vaccine run its course…”_
> 
> _“Okay…!!” My smile was wide. I was stronger than the other kids. Still the radiation vaccine seemed strange since reading about radiation and it’s effects. Radiation wasn’t a disease of any form. “Why do we vaccinate against radiation?” I asked him seriously._
> 
> _“So you don’t die when you get out there.” He said shortly and then directed me out of the medical room._

 

     Those words never left me. Even now I recall them with just as much curiosity as I did when I was a little girl. I told no one about what was said but I always wondered…. _Did he know the vault door was going to open? Were **they** waiting for it to open or was it forced open? _  My mind flooded with wild ideas and questions I would never know the answer to. At least not until I went there to dig the answers out of that broken steel shelter. I wished I would have had a chance to ask him what he meant. I started to cringe as I recalled the following week. I clamped my jaw down and squeezed my eyes shut tight. I began folding my arms to hold myself. There is one memory burned into my mind. One that haunts me, follows me, never blurring and never fading.

 

>      " _NAIEMA!” Angel cried as she was ripped from my grasp. “NAIEMA, I LOVE YOU.” She squealed as a dirty man in ratty leathers heaved her up and pulled her away from me. Her hand flailing to catch in mine again. “I’LL FIND YOU ANGEL!” I screamed at her. I tried to kick and bite my way out of another strange man’s grasp. A tall, dark and quite handsome man walked in front of me as I was fighting and trying to break free of the man's grasp. He grabbed my face hard with a strong unmoving hand and forced me to look at him. His teeth were stained and broken. He wore scars proudly on his face and hands. “One green. One blue. Isn’t the only thing special about you though, is it? You’ve got fire in that belly but tell me… do you really think a little girl like you could stop this?” he said darkly, a chuckle choking out after he spoke. “Little vaulties surviving out here alone?” I spit on his chest and stared at him. I had never been violent in my life but at that moment I wanted to kill him. I would gut him like a knight gutting a dragon. I didn’t care how small my body was. I didn’t care how young I was. He was ripping my life apart and I couldn’t bare it. His laugh bellowed and he waved his hand towards a covered cart. “Bind her arms and hide her in the caravan. She needs to be separated from the rest.” I was dragged away and I screamed as I began my tantrum of fists and feet again. The men only seemed amused by my efforts as they threw me in._
> 
>       _That same morning, we heard it. We all did. The vault’s door. It was opening. People from all over the vault was gathering towards the entrance. People had smiles on. Everyone was so excited to finally be free. Angel and I were one of the first kids there. We pushed as far to the front as we could. It was loud as people chatted excitedly to one another. A bright light emanated from the front of the crowd. It was almost blinding. Gasps could be heard and everyone quieted down. Everyone was drawn to it like the light of God calling us or dumb moths to a flame. Two gun shots fired out. Then it turned to screams and panic. People began to push others and run away from the entrance. “What’s going on!?” Angel shrilled as she grabbed my hand._
> 
> _I never saw her so scared before. I squeezed her hand and pulled her to a corner where we could get behind some tin boxes. It became a chaotic mess of bodies not caring about anything but their own safety. We saw Timmy get trampled and stepped on in the crowd as people ran. Angel hid her face in my chest and I held her. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. He lied there still. Was he dead? More gunfire rang out among the crowd and tore my eyes away from the small broken body. There were these men, dressed in tattered clothes and leathers. Their faces were dirty and gnarled hands gripped guns. They were shooting anyone. Everyone. Shouting to each other as more and more poured in from the bright light that was once the vault door. “The sun…” I said quietly as I tucked her into me. “Angel.. that’s the sun out there.” She kept crying and I turned her face towards mine with two hands. “It’s going to be okay. We need to make a run for it okay? You have to stay quiet okay?” I said to her with tears in my eyes. We both saw the hurt in each other’s souls then. Our fathers. Our friends and family.  What was going to happen? I didn’t know but I knew that if we were to survive we had to run. We had to see what was out there._
> 
> _She nodded to me and I nodded back. I took her hand and peered over the metal boxes that hid us from the carnage. They were rounding people up. Separating the kids from their parents and shooting anyone they had to. I caught eyes with Dr. Haines. His hands were in the air to signify he was unarmed and harmless. We caught eyes and he nodded towards the door. I looked and no one was guarding the entrance. All of them were trying to crowd control the residents of Vault 203. I darted, dragging Angel with me. We ran as fast as we could. She almost tripped when we went to cross the bridge that extended to the world outside. She caught herself and breathed out “Go!!”_
> 
> _It was so bright… I couldn’t see anything. We just kept running. Something hard hit me. Angel slammed against my back. A painful hand grabbed my wrist and squeezed hard, forcing me to my knees. Angel stammered back but there was another man there to grab her. “Whoa! Where you two think you’re going eh?!” The man that now had her in his grasp said amused._
> 
> _We had been caught. There were more outside, not a lot but enough to stop whoever ran blindly out of the vault. My eyes began to adjust and I looked out into the world. My skin tingled from the wind and dust at my knees. A new sensation that exhilarated me but there was nothing…. No trees, grass, neighborhoods or birds. It was all gone. There were no alien critters or flowers. My world crumbled and I became angry. Why? Why did this happen? I stood up quickly almost breaking my arm and biting the man’s wrist. He squealed and let go. I started running towards the man that had Angel in his grasp. I slammed into her, his hold releasing. I held her close and stared daggers at the man that had her restrained. I growled out. “Stay back! Leave us alone!”_

 

     It was too late by then though… I never saw her again.


	2. One Green. One Blue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has non-con/insinuated rape, drug use, and gore.

     I was just enjoying my jet and contemplating what type of suicide I’d like to fantasize about today when they bursted in. It was three of Ehren’s goons trying to contain this mess of a young lady. Two more poured in after them with their guns at the ready. She was fighting tooth and nail as she flailed about, biting and cursing. Tables were being flipped and chairs kicked across the room in the chaos. “Send for..! Ugh! EHREN! WE GOT HER! TELL HIM TO GET HIS ASS BACK TO MONTIEN! Fucking bitch! Settle… SETTLE THE FUCK DOWN!”  A guy that held one of her arms shouted out. A raider that sat at one of the tables ran down the stairs in a hurry. He seemed to be as caught off guard as much as was.

     They struggled to contain her and kept dragging her towards a room that had barred windows and a barred door. The room itself was nicely furnished. I always figured it was Ehren’s love shack for his unwilling victims. But no, it was obviously for her. The one I had heard about every once in a while. They’d been looking for her for at least a year, shit maybe longer. “GET OFF OF ME ASSHOLES!” she screamed as she rammed her head straight back into one of the raider’s skulls. He winced and grabbed at his bleeding nose. With his grip lose, she got her arm free and punched another one right in the jaw. 

      _What was so special about this woman? What value did she hold to Ehren to send groups of men to their death to find her and bring her back, alive? Could it be a family member? Owed a huge debt? Who knows..._  None of it made sense but it was amusing to watch none the less. Usually women with that much fight was a hazard to the business and not worth the caps no matter how pretty. Usually they would be shot and killed at any sign of disobedience. Then, it happened as they passed by me. She looked me right in the eyes. The fire there… was like sharp knives going right through you. Like she could see exactly how much you were worth and deemed you wanting. Those eyes… one green. One blue. That simple interaction told me almost everything I needed to know. She was unique and fearless. I couldn’t imagine the 50,000 caps being just for her eyes or looks. It must be the thrill of the hunt that Ehren wanted. To conquer the unconquerable.

     I looked down to avoid her curses and the raider’s disheveled grunts as they threw her in the barred room and locked her up. I made a hasty exit to the third floor to my room. I could still hear her screaming for freedom late into the night. The way she had looked at me… the way it made me feel. No one disturbed my hate for myself more than she had in that small amount of time. I stretched my arms out, catching the burnt taut flesh that covered my muscles in my peripheral. I laid them behind my head and tried to relax. I didn't sleep much, but I had a feeling no one else did either. Hours passed and she was still at it. With good reason too. Tomorrow, Ehren would arrive to deal with her. Poor girl.

     I had my reasons for staying in this shit-hole of a brothel. I even had the audacity to call it home. It had become the main hub for the slavers a couple years back. When they moved out of that charred building, I followed. I had debts you see… debts I couldn’t pay for with caps but with my life. I wasn’t exactly a slave. Especially not the kind in this business. No one wanted this ugly mug. Especially not for caps. Still, I did what they asked no matter how much it was against everything I believed in.  _Morals._ I scoffed at myself. I’ve pretty much lost it all and now I’m losing my mind. I was becoming what I came here to destroy. It doesn’t help that my debt only deepens every time I drown myself in chems. I had come to the realization that I was stuck here and I deserved it. My habit became daily and then hourly. What did it matter? The whole world was shit and I didn’t exactly want to be a part of it anymore.

     After deciding sleep wasn't something that was going to happen, I decided to get fucked up on what I had left of my stash. She rubbed me the wrong way. All that passion and fire yet to be snuffed out. Reminded me of myself when I first associated with them. My intentions grand and my heart noble. _Oh... but they have ways to break you._ They were good at their job. Trapping people and making them slaves. Everything became blurry as I pushed the tab on the MedX. I couldn't remember how long it had been since I ended up this position but it didn't matter. My veins burned and then numbness.  _Yes... numbness._

 

**.....**

 

She had calmed down by morning. I wondered if she had screamed herself to sleep. Shit, maybe she already figured a way out of that cage. Perhaps Ehren showed up early and already dealt with her.  _It's none of my business... Why do I even care? She's another piece of cargo or a dead woman._ I shook my head to get out of the dark thoughts. Had I really become so damn cold?

     I made my way to the private dining room, classier suites and bar on the second floor where I had first seen the mystery girl. It was my usual spot to sit and waste my days away until I was needed. I usually did the clean-up and dirty work. Clearing bodies, burying or burning bodies, pest control, cleaning blood off the floor and getting the bloodstained laundry to Mags and her girls. The girls were not allowed on the second or the third floor unless the right buyer paid the right price for a private suite, if you catch my drift. So… it was up to me to do the bitch work on the upper levels of Montien.

     I sat down at my favorite table that resided in the corner of the place. It was away from everyone and still gave me a view to the whole room. Across the small dining room and bar were the private suites for "business" or “expensive entertainment”. All of them had solid doors except for her room and I could see right into it. She had no privacy and it was no wonder why. I heard this wasn't the first time she escaped but it was also the longest she had been gone. Considering I had never seen her before, she'd probably been on the run for 3 or so years. That was around the time Ehren’s main brothel burnt down and he combined most of his “assets” into a new one. One of those “assets” was me. Not like I had a choice anyway.

     After I settled in, I took the Jet out of my pocket and shook it up. I placed it to my mouth as a quick movement flashed by her door. My eyes darted to her room as I caught sight of her. She was awake and still caked in blood and grim. She sulked up the bars and placed her delicate hands on them. Her hair was long and golden blonde. It was pulled up in a single messy muck covered braid that draped over her shoulder. She looked wild but tired. At a quick glance she looked like an experienced wastelander. _I wonder how she got caught…_

     They had posted a young raider to guard her door for the morning shift.  _Dumbasses, if she was so hard to catch why would you put an amateur up to watch her?_ He turned around to her and smirked as that thought crossed my mind. I took a deep inhale of the Jet and relaxed into the chair. My focus returned to her and right before my eyes, she was sweet talking him. I couldn't believe it. Lightheartedly asking him about himself. He didn't even have a chance as she wrapped him around her finger. The Jet slowed everything down and I saw the subtle movements she made. Despite my previous observation, the jet allowed me to get a better look at her. She looked like she was still growing into her adult body. Like she was too young to be as hardened as she was. Too pristine and sheltered for how she handled herself. I understood though. The wastes were not merciful, not even to the young. I'd be a fool to deny she had looks. She had toned muscles but still looked pretty fragile. She had smooth milky skin under all the grim. Her hands slowly reached for the young raider and he leaned closer to the bars of the door. In one swift movement, he was knocked out. His head came crashing against the bars and he dropped like a sack of tatos. She had the cell keys in her hand in an instant. I watched as she tried to find the lock to her door. The poor kid just lied on the floor. It happened so fast that I wondered if I had built a tolerance to Jet. Her hand ran up the wall to a panel beside her door. _No key hole, little spitfire._ "Fuck... magnetic locks." She whispered to herself as she slid down the bars and sat there. She looked at the keys like they had stabbed her dog. She threw them at the wall and began to stand up again. She looked me dead in the eyes as she got to her feet. I tried to avoid her gaze but I couldn't. I loved seeing that fire in her two toned eyes. I was grinning... a toothy grin. I didn't even realize I was. She had so much fight it was admirable. "What the fuck are you looking at?" she growled at me. My grin turned into a frown immediately. Then I was snapped out of my trip. "Boss is coming! Clear out!" a raider down stairs had yelled. 

     She seemed panicked suddenly. "What state am I in?? Where am I!?" she was looking at me with concern now replacing the fire in her eyes.

      _State?_   _Like the states of America?_ _How far did they drag her?_  Before I could consider the consequences I blurted out "The Commonwealth. Massach…"

    I heard the heavy footsteps and shut my mouth. I got up quickly and made my way out to the balcony. “Naaaiiieemmmaaaa” Ehren grossly cat called as he walked up the stairs. I didn't want to be there to see that fucker's smug face. I didn't want to be the one blamed for the poor kid napping on the floor. But most of all, I didn't want to see her demise either. I lit a cigarette and inhaled it deep into my ruined lungs after closing the door firmly behind me. I never liked seeing the stallions being broken in or executed. I exhaled slowly and put my hands on the balcony. Shouting could be heard throughout the floor. I’d be surprised if the lower levels couldn't hear it. Then one gunshot sounded. I flinched.  _Fuck..._

     "FUCK YOU EHREN! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" The door to the balcony slammed opened, shaking the deck. "Meatbag! Clean up this fucking mess and then get Mags to clean Naiema up. After that fuck off for the night or die for all I care." Ehren said sternly and returned into the dining room and up the stairs where a lot of residents of the place lived, including him. I walked in to squishing under my boot. The boy’s brain was splattered on the ground. I looked in her room as I stepped over him. She was in a chair staring out the window. Her knees were pressed against her chest and her head rested on top of them. Fresh blood splattered her leather armor she still had on. She was trembling. I sighed as I passed by her cage and dragged the corpse back out the balcony. I threw the body over the balcony with a grunt. I'd burn him in the evening with the rest of the bodies that had piled up this week. I tried to clean up the blood and brain matter as fast as I could. I didn't want to be in the middle of whatever was happening here. She definitely shook things up from the norm. Once the rags and my hands were stained with yet another life's blood, I went upstairs to wash up. He was making me go down to the first floor. The Brothel.Despite Mags being down there, I tried to avoid that floor the best I could. _Fucker..._ It’s like he his begging me to get myself in trouble.

     After chatting it up with Mag’s I told her about this Naiema girl and what Ehren had requested of her. She seemed anxious suddenly and began to gather some things to take with her. I came back upstairs glad to escape the looks and drugged out women down there. I took my normal spot in the dining room for another quick hit of MedX. _When Mags gets up here, I'm going to chem myself into a coma in my room, hopefully no one will bother me for a couple of hours._ Mags wasn't far behind me it seems. She quickly shuffled to the barred door and pushed in the code on the wall. _0203_. The door's locks released and she pushed it open. As soon as Mag’s closed the door behind her, the girl ran to her. She almost tackled her into the barred door. I jumped up and the newly posted guard looked at me ready to shoot. I sat back down and watched cautiously. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't get in the middle if it was a fight but I respected Mags and that made me forget my place sometimes. I relaxed as the girl held Mags so tight and began to cry.  _She_   _knows Mags?_  Mags turned her head slowly towards me. There were tears in her eyes. As Mag's eyes flicked to mine I made the move before she spoke. I headed to my room and the new guard stepped outside to the balcony. I hadn't truly grasped how long this kid had been a slave or running. Long enough to know Mags intimately. This shit wasn't normal. This girl wasn't normal. I knew Mag's was protective of the flock she collected from Ehren and his fuck ups. But… I’ve never seen her cry before. Even when Ehren, her own son, would strike her to the floor. She would smile and say things like "I forgive you." _The world is so fucked up..._

     Mags and I had a mutual respect, ya dig? We knew we were stuck here and had to make the most of it. The even shittier part was we couldn't protect each other because we had our own people to protect by being here. She was an older woman and when I had seen Ehren strike her for the first time... I blacked his eye and busted his lip real nice. Man, I had caught hell for almost a full month. Torture was the popular form of discipline. After that, they stuck me in "the box" for a few days. Then that became their favorite. Without chems to numb my mind or my burnt nerve endings it was worse than the torture. I felt like my body was constantly being melted by a flamethrower. That and it gave me all the time to think about all consequences that would happen if I went on a rampage. The next time he struck her I was going to go for him again. How could he not at least respect the woman that brought him into this world? When he went for her again, she slapped me hard across my face before I could step in. She had been so kind to me up until that point. She never treated me as a freak like most the residents here... slaves or not. I realized why shit hit me after mulling it over. She wasn't going to let anyone take the fall for her burden. It was something we had in common. From then on, we helped each other where we could. I would get things for her gaggle of girls that Ehren wouldn't. She provided me her friendship and her small cramped room on the third floor. She preferred being with her "Swans" anyway. It gave me a place to shoot up in private and try to get sleep. It wasn't much, but it was the kindest thing anyone had done for me since I showed up.

 

**.....**

 

     Another day gone and I didn't have enough chems to get her sobbing and screaming out of my head. The images my mind created of her helpless body against Ehren's made me cringe. Clawing and kicking as he forced her to obey to his ruthlessness. I knew his filthy fucking paws were all over her. Her gurgled screams could almost wash out his pathetic moans. He had wanted to terrorize her for a long time. His noises of satisfaction at her wails made that much obvious. It made my blood boil. I had seen and heard it before. Many times over... but her? The fact she was putting up a fight or wasn't strung out on chems. You could hear the pain he was putting her through and it ate at me. Eventually, she became quiet and only muffled sounds could be heard.  _Finally... it's over._  It wasn't long before my door was kicked open. A huge and maniacal grin was on Ehren’s face. "Enjoy hearing the show?" he cackled and smoothed his black sweat ridden hair back. My room happened to be directly above hers.

     "Clean the filth and wake up Mags. She's going to need all the rest she can get and uh... she can't sleep on those sheets anymore." He continued to cackle and made his way to his suite.

     My anger quickly turned to nausea as I looked into her room. "Ehren sent me to clean up his fucking mess..." I said as I motioned to the guard.

     He punched in the numbers and the locks sounded in the quiet dining room. I walked in and shut the barred door behind me. She had an over-sized shirt on and just sat there with her knees tucked under her. Her body held no life besides the digging of her nails into her red wrists. She said nothing. She was nothing. It was worse than I had thought. I could see the small pool of blood on the sheets and some smeared across her leg. I couldn't see any injuries on her.  _Shit... he was her first…_ I shuttered as I walked over to her. "Hey..." I said quietly and calmly. I went to gently touch her shoulder but thought better of it. "You okay?" I asked genuinely.

     Her face slowly turned to face mine. Her eyes were as dead and limp as her body. She'd been shattered. The fire that burned so bright in her green and blue eyes were gone. Snuffed out. She didn't attack me and she didn't really seem to know I was there. She was staring straight at me... or through me. “I got to get the sheets off the bed, sister. Let me help you up…”

     I slowly reached for her and she allowed me to put my arm under hers. I lifted her off the bed. She was light compared to some of the other girls I’ve had to move. I helped her to a chair and began to gather the sheets. _Why am I doing this? Why was I letting this happen?_ My eye kept flashing up to her. I knew why though... it hurt too much to think about. It hurt to think of why I had ended up here and what would happen if I left. I moved towards the door with the soiled linens and turned to look at her one last time. She just stared out the window like she had this morning. Then, I noticed it... she was tracing something black along her neck. It had a red light that flashed on and off. 

_Bomb Collar..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MMMM BROKEN HANCOCK. :D


	3. Miserable Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has violence, gore and a tad bit o backstory.

I hadn't slept much that night. Everything had hit me at once. I tried to think of why I put myself in this position but was interrupted by the ache between my legs. The bruises that traced my body. The awful smell Ehren had left here. I felt sick. Sicker than any vaccine I had ever gotten back in the vault. Sicker than when I got actual radiation poisoning last year.  _Bullshit..._  It was all bullshit. The vault hadn't prepared anyone for what was outside those doors. In fact... they killed us. The had sealed our fate with high hopes and dreams of the Old America. No matter how lifeless I felt though, my soul begged for me to not give up. _Angel... oh my dear Angel._  She deserved more than what this world and that vault had to offer. My hand traced up my bruised neck to the collar I now adorned. _How am I going to escape now? How am I supposed to go on a murdering spree with an explosive around my neck?_ My eyes drifted shut and I tried to think of anything besides the events of last night.  _Hancock... that was his name right?_  I had heard some the slavers call him that. He had brought me clean sheets and made sure Mags got up here as soon as Ehren left to clean me up. I felt like such a helpless child. As helpless as when they snatched Angel away from me and made me travel the wastes without her. I closed my eyes and tried to remind myself why I did what I did.

  

> _As soon as they removed the gag I squealed. "Where are you taking me?"_
> 
> _"Gah! You just don't shut up do you?" a younger raider said as he jumped down and began to walked alongside the caravan. "We are going north. That's all you need to know."_
> 
> _"Where is my Dad?! Where is Angel!?"  I squealed again and started to get up from where I had been sitting for hours._
> 
> _He quickly hopped onto the moving caravan again and pushed me back down. "Look kid! They are all dead! We took the ones we could sell and killed the rest. If they are alive, you will never see them again, alright? Its best to move on. Fuck! You got the best deal out of all of them! It seems Ehren sees you as more than a piece of meat and caps. Fucking stupid if you ask me. Any more questions or are you going to shut your goddamn mouth already?" He rasped out viciously._
> 
> _I did as he asked and cried.... silently. Had it been true? All of them dead or to be sold? My dad? Angel? Dr. Haines? Even Ulysses and the other kids? Why.. why was the world like this on the outside? I had beat myself up over ever wanting to leave the vault. Then I thought about what he said. "If they are alive." I tried to hold onto that glimmer of hope._

 

     It took us months to get to this run down brothel somewhere in the Commonwealth. I knew my vault was in what used to be called Georgia. I heard the raiders call it "Great Lanta." They kept me blindfolded until we were way out of the state. When I wasn't blind folded I only saw death. Creatures that were twisted with radiation and what vegetation was left didn't look edible at all. Even the cows dragging the carts along had two heads and didn't have spotted fur. Just burnt skin and scabs. I remember wondering how people even survived out here. _Guns and Violence._ Was this how the whole world looked now? Destroyed and burnt to ashes? _Yes... yes it is._ I tried to use my imagination to escape the pain back then. I imagined fairies flying and dancing next to me but it all seemed so childish. Things like that didn't exist. They never did. It only existed in books and my dwindling imagination. Now it was only filled with the horrors of the “wastes”. My mind became full of sorrow and surviving. Happy endings were no longer a thing or perhaps it never was a thing at all.

     I grew up at that old brothel. A lady named Mags took care of me and a few older girls. She was nice and kind enough but was strict when it came to the raiders rules and what our role was for them. We were slaves. Entertainers. They called the Swans the 'lucky' ones. It could have been worse for us I suppose. The girls that weren’t a part of the Swans were chemmed out and tossed in the trash. Brutalized or murdered. We were protected by Mags from the harsh reality of what all the other slave girls and sometimes men had to go through. She would teach some of them how to read and I helped. Mags would forget I came from a vault and I'd constantly surprise her with what I had learnt there. She taught us other stuff like hygiene, about chems, and many other things that we were involved with now.

    I still hated him but Ehren had treated me with kindness too. He gave me my own room and gave me all the prewar junk food I could shovel in my face. He supplied me with any books him or his raiders found. It made it an easier transition than it should of been. When I got a little older, the other girls learned how to shoot MedX up and dance. I instead, would spend time with Ehren. I didn't want to become an entertainer of sorts and he shielded me away from that trade. In another life, I would have considered him a brother to me. I tried to hate him for what he had done to my dad and the vault... To Angel. However, he took care of me and kept me safe. There were so many times raiders would come onto me as my body changed from a child to a teenager. He would always be there to prevent it. He had killed to protect me. Anyone that threatened me, including his own men. He had given me the best chance of survival now that there was no longer the safety of the vault. 

      Things changed though... as soon as I turned 18, Ehren acted differently around me. Still just as protective but more so now than he had ever been. He began to treat me as a piece of his property. I had taken a liking to being with Mag's and her girls over the coming years. I liked learning how the current wasteland woman wooed its gritty men into submission. I had come to enjoy the trade but hated preforming. I found that I liked dancing too but Ehren didn't like it at all. I wasn't allowed to spend any time with Mag's or her Swans now that he saw my interest. I was to stay by his side and do anything he asked. So… I put my mind to books instead. I was trying to find any kind of escape I could from the boredom and forever gnawing resentment I had towards him.

  

> _I heard the music that had been pounded into my head the last few weeks. The swans were putting on a show for all the raiders and money payers that showed up. It was a big hit on the east coast. There was nothing like it in the wastes besides New Vegas. I sighed and leaned back in the chair that was sitting next to Ehren's desk. He waved off a scruffy and older looking raider. "We will discuss the payments later. Get your team together and get the fucking job done." Ehren growled out._
> 
> _As soon as the raider left he turned to me and smiled. It made me nervous as I tried to ignore him and keep to my book. "Now, to deal with you." he said lowly and in his best seductive tone._
> 
> _He began talking to me like this for a few weeks now. It made me uncomfortable. I could never see him as anything more than a friend I loved to hate. He pulled out a ring and kneeled before me. It was dirty and caked with grime but was still quite pretty. I hadn’t seen anything like it since the vault. "I think this is how it went before the bombs, right? I wasn't sure if you guys kept tradition in that shitty vault of yours but whatever." I was shocked and immediately felt like I was going to be sick. I hated it when he talked about Vault 203 like it was a tin can full of trash. What I hated more was him getting on his knees and asking me to be his wife. "What?" I questioned quietly._
> 
> _"Naiema… I've given you everything you could want and more. The moment my eyes found your beautiful green and blue ones I knew you were special. You had a fire in you that most people born in the wastes lack. You could be my partner! All this can be yours! You'd be set for the rest of your life! I.. uh… I love you...?" he said with a blush creeping onto his face._
> 
> _"You're asking me... to be your wife? You're partner? To spend my life in the safety of raiders and cold blooded killers?” I stood up and towered over him as I raised my voice to him. “To sell women and children to be sex slaves to the very same company? You forced me out of my safety. Killed my family! Killed my friends! Enslaved some of them and me! You make me watch what really happens beyond Mag's group of girls… and… and.. now… You expect me to do that? To force these people to their death?!” I realized the error of my ways. The error of getting comfortable in a mad house. “Oh my god..." I whispered with tears in my eyes._
> 
> _What have I become?_
> 
>      _"It isn't a fucking question Naiema..." he said coldly as he stood up. "I expected you to have more gratitude than this and to be happy with me." The back of his hand hit my face like a brick of ice. He had never hit me before. Never laid a hand on me._
> 
> _"_ _Fuck you Ehren... you're a fucking monster." I said as I held my cheek and recoiled from him._
> 
> _He chuckled when I insulted him. He quickly pushed me back into the chair and proceeded to hover over me. He pinned me to it, his weight heavy. His hand caressed my waist up to my breasts. "Yes baby, that’s your job now and I've waited soooo long. How considerate of me right? I won’t be anymore…" he growled out as he went to force himself onto me._
> 
> _I kicked him square in his balls and heaved all my body weight at him. He cried out and fell over in surprise. Before I knew it I was running. I was out of the building and running for my life. I heard gunshots wiz by me. It only made me run faster. My legs and lungs burned and begged for me to stop. I couldn't. I wouldn't live this life and I wouldn't enslave others like I had been. Like the less fortunate ones were enslaved._
> 
> _The shouting seemed to follow me no matter how far I ran. I had no idea how far exactly until I was no longer in the suburbs. I was in the thick of the city and it was well after nightfall. They were looking for me still. I was scared shitless. I turned a corner sharp and tripped. I crawled and hid behind a very worn and rusted dumpster. My legs screamed and I tried to rub the aches out. I tried to gulp down air but couldn't breathe. A growl and sputter echoed down the alleyway. I turned to face the noise.. What... what was that??? A human like silhouette stirred under a pile of trash and debris. It rose to its feet. A slight glow illuminated showing me all I needed to see.  Its burnt flesh... its malformed muscles and face. A feral. It rushed towards me and I screamed. A gunshot rang out. Its black blood and glowing guts rained down on me. I quickly turned my head to thank my savior but… it was Ehren... he saved me. I was so mad at myself. I wished the feral would of killed me instead. I wished Ehren would kill me after disobeying him. He didn't though, he just dragged me back to that damn brothel._

  

I had escaped a total of 4 times since then. The last being my most successful run. I thought if I had been cold towards Ehren, tried to kill him or stayed hidden for long enough he would give up. He never did and he never will if both of us are alive. I should of known better... He had too much invested in me since day one. I had several close calls with his hunting parties throughout those 3 years. I had killed so many raiders that was under his command. Sabotaged his business occasionally. I even set half the old damn brothel on fire to distract them long enough to high tail it out there when I escaped. This was, of course, after I murdered several raiders and the brothel’s customers. I didn't even care about the innocent that would be lost in the fire. It would be cozier than the hell they lived in at the time. I couldn’t remember when I had become comfortable with killing people. I suppose I had seen so much of it that it never bothered me.

      Days passed after my last escape. When I got far enough out, where I was sure I was on my own, I hadn't realized what I had put myself up against. The whole of the wasteland. No protection from any of it. I had no idea how this world worked beyond that brothel. I had seen a few radroaches, which I was used to in the vault. Some mole rats, a few feral ghouls and bloatflys, but not this. Not the rest of the mutated creatures that fought to survive among humans.

 

> _A hairless bear with foam and putrid blood that dripped from its mouth stood from behind a rusted mail bin. It was chomping away on a half-eaten radstag. I unknowingly ran up on it while looking for food myself. I quickly hid behind a rusted-out car and steadied my breathing. I stayed low and quiet for several minutes. Slowly I poked my head over the car. Somehow the bear didn’t notice me. It was content eating. Occasionally, it would stand on its back legs and sniff the air but other than that it showed no signs of detecting my presence. I hadn’t eaten anything since I ran away and the radstag looked fresh enough to cook. I was unsuccessful in hunting my own radstag at that point. The 10mm just didn’t cut it for that._
> 
> _I thought I’d be clever and pop a few shots off to scare it away. Steal what was left. It was gross to be a scavenger in this way but at that time… I just wanted to survive. I waited for its head to be back in the radstag and fired off a few. I landed one in its leg and it immediately barreled angrily towards me. What I didn’t know is how fearless it was going to be. The thing had smelt me from a mile away and would do so until I was its dessert. I ended up having to run for it from my hiding spot as it rushed me. “Its so fast!! SHIT!” I scolded myself as my breathing became labored. I tried to reload the bullets into the clip as I ran. It slowed me down and I cursed at myself for not carrying more than one clip. This shit was bound to get me killed now or in the future if I didn’t smarten up._
> 
> _I tried my damnedest to pump my legs as fast as I could but it was too late for running. It latched onto my arm and tugged me to a full stop. I screamed in pain and was jerked backwards. I felt the flesh of my arm ripping and toxic saliva dripping into the fresh wounds. It dragged me back to it, let go of my arm and then swiped at me. I dodged it easily enough but then it’s mouth had my arm again. I could feel teeth puncture deep into my left arm and hit bone. I cried out. Panicked, I whipped my pistol right into its eye. It let go and reared back, ready to swipe again. As shaky as I was, the adrenaline lined my shot up towards its head that towered over me now. I shot until the clip emptied again. At least I was counting my bullets. Eventually the beast backed off as several bullets landed. The only ones I could confirm a hit was in its neck and another took its ear off._
> 
> _I tried to be grateful to be alive but found myself feeling close to death as I lie there. Either I was going to bleed out, get an infection, or die from starvation. I had no food, no medical supplies and now I was low on ammo. I tried to tear my shirt up to stop the bleeding but couldn’t use my left arm. I tried with teeth but found I was weak and fading out fast. I opted to lie down and just hold the wound with my hand. That fucking thing was nothing like the bears I had been taught about in school at the vault. As I berated the vault and myself I began to accept death. "At least I’ll die out here than by Ehren’s hands.”  I thought to myself. It was hard to keep my eyes open as I felt dizzy._
> 
> _I awoke startled. A man was gently shaking me. I sat up fast and immediately regretted it. The world began to spin and I felt light headed. I smacked his hands away from me and felt my left arm open back up. I looked to it realizing the wound had clotted and stopped bleeding. Well, that was until I popped it back open to shove the man away. My thoughts became clear and fear struck me again. I had been found by Ehren’s men. I backed away from the guy and noticed there was some others. “Whoa there, little missy! We aren’t going to hurt you! That’s a nasty wound you got…” He said softly and calmly as he raised his hands to show he was unarmed. I didn’t answer him but instead prepared myself to fight back. “You look like you aren’t from around here. Do you mind if I look at it?” He smiled genuinely and held his hand out to me. “The name is Deacon. What’s yours?”_
> 
> _A sigh of relief escaped me unintentionally. It couldn’t be Ehren’s men. They would of started dragging me back by now. I was unlucky in the regard that I was still alive. Part of me was relieved it would be all over. However, those thoughts faded and survival kicked back in. I was lucky in the regard that the wound wasn’t that serious. The passing caravan patched me up. They even called me a big baby for my “minor flesh wounds” they called it. They were also amused when I told them a “bear” attacked me. Apparently, they were called Yao Guai. A strange name but one I wouldn’t forget. They fed me and asked me about myself. Honestly, there wasn’t much to say. I hadn’t been my own person until now and so far, I was botching the hell out of it. Everything else… well… I felt the need to keep quiet about the vault and the slavery. I tried to feed them some bullshit story but it became obvious I had no idea what I was doing out here. They offered to escort me to their little hovel and I accepted. They had food, water, and they were the first people I had met that didn’t want to kill me._
> 
> _After spending a few days with them, they told me about themselves. They were part of a gang called "The Railroad." They told me about synths and their noble crusade to save them or anyone who needed it from slavery. I ended up breaking down and telling them about the past few years of my life but never about the vault. It didn’t come as a surprise to some of them. I showed all the signs of a lost slave girl it seems. They brought me into their fold rather quickly. The man named Deacon seemed to enjoy showing me the ropes and I enjoyed his company. They taught me how to properly use a gun and knife. Taught me what to eat and what to defiantly not eat. They told me about deathclaws, super mutants and some other dangers that were out there like the Institute. In exchange, I helped them get a water pump fixed up at this old diner. They were surprised I knew more about engineering than I had about most of the wastes._

 

   At that time, I felt like I finally found somewhere I fit in since leaving the vault. They even gave me my own code name: Blaze. I wasn’t too fond of it but it amused the hell out of Deacon. I wasn't forced to do anything but helping them made me feel like I was making up for lost time; time I lost to Ehren. The time Angel lost to Ehren. Angel...

     There were only a handful of times I helped the Railroad free some slaves. I was never part of the big operations but the checkpoints that hid them after the fire fight. I would always search their faces for Angel. You can imagine my disappointment every time. I decided to ask around the Railroad if they knew anymore brothels or places they sold slaves that were children in the Commonwealth. I told them about my best friend Angel and they warmly accepted in helping me. The man, Deacon, that had helped me back on my feet got started immediately. We had grown close over the months but I didn’t expect him to jump on such a small case so easily.  He would occasionally do rescue missions but his main talent was getting information. He was damn good at it, and he knew it. It wasn’t long before he found an old log book off a retired slave auctioneer. The names in it were from around 8 years ago. Her name was scribbled on one of the pages. Angel “Candy” Mcloughlin. I hated her slave name they had given her, she wasn’t fucking candy, she was a small girl... at least she used to be. I remember how my heart raced as my finger traced over the name. Deacon warned me that she may not be there anymore or alive for that matter. Still, I insisted on going to the first place she was sold to. I was so blind in finding the next lead that I didn’t want to think about the consequences of when I found her. Deacon accompanied me to "Bella Muerte." A brothel run by Ehren’s competition. I remember being so hopeful then… I wish I would have prepared myself more for what I would find.

 

> _When we approached the dilapidated building a hole began to rip its way through my heart. The place was run down and abandoned. Super Mutant blood bags were rotting everywhere. They were strung up and left to bake on the concrete. It was repulsive and the smell that they produced was foul. "Well damn..." Deacon breathed out. “Might be too late, Blaze.”_
> 
> _“We can still look for a lead… What the fuck is all this anyway? Is this what you guys were telling me about super mutants? What the hell kind of demons are they?_ __I said quietly.__
> 
> _I didn't want to raise the alarm if they still lingered. "They were once human you know. Infected with a virus called FEV. I hear being super human isn't bad though" He smiled to me and chuckled. "Hey hey hey... hold up." Deacon said as he put a hand up. We both grew still and silent._
> 
> _I could already see what held us up. There were two huge green men looking creatures. One was gnawing on a bone while the other held a shitty assault rifle covered in duct tape. "Too stringy!!" the one with the bone complained. "Shut up dumb dumb! I think smell something." the other snapped._
> 
> _After hearing stories of them, I was amazed they had any kind of intelligence. It seemed more childlike than anything. I shook my head at the thought. Children wouldn't cut humans up and put them in a bag to dry like jerky._
> 
> _"You want to turn back or you ready for your first field test?" Deacon looked to me and smiled. I smiled back and nodded. "Hehehe." he chuckled then took off spraying bullets at the two super mutants._
> 
> _"What?! WAIT! WHAT THE FUCK DEACON?!" I ran behind him and aimed my sights at the two super mutants. They were raising their guns and a spray of bullets flew towards Deacon. I noped out as he ran towards them. I got behind cover and aimed my dinky rifle the Railroad gave me. My hands were shaking and I tried to control my breathing. Shit shit shit shit shit shi.. I pulled the trigger and watched as one of mutant's head cracked open like a champagne bottle. "WOOOOOOO!" I jumped up from my cover in excitement. It was a mistake I would learn from. The other super mutant turned and fired at me. A bullet lodged itself into my arm. The same damn arm the Yao Guai mauled. I hissed loudly and dropped back down behind cover._
> 
> _"Fucking kill it Blaze!" he shouted as he darted behind cover. I poked my head out as the super mutant was distracted again. I pulled the trigger with less concentration than the last shot. POP! The blood flowed like a waterfall out of its neck. It grew quiet as we both sat in silence again, waiting for more to come out of hiding. When none came..._
> 
> _"Hoooraayy! WOOO! Now we can celebrate your first victory, Champ!"  Deacon jumped up from his cover in a dramatic fasion. He began to chucke and waved his hands to mock me._
> 
> _"_ _You could of helped!!!" I screamed as I ran to him._
> 
> _"And steal your moment? Nawww, Never! Oh damn! Look your first battle wound!" He grabbed my arm tenderly and examined it. "Pffft. Bullets in there good. Let's scope out the place and head in. I got to get that thing out of your arm unless you really are fond of losing it." He chuckled  again looking at the bright scars that were the reminder of my Yao Guai battle._
> 
> _"This isn't my first battle wound you moron." I choked out as he poked around the bullet wound._
> 
> _"The first battle wound in a battle you won! You barely fought of that “bear” as you called it. Now look at you! Killing super mutants like a wannabe pro!" He smiled._
> 
> _We cautiously scoped out the entrance and went inside. I sat down on the floor and he kneeled beside me. It wasn't the_ _most painful moment of my life, but it was up there. The bullet was out and he wrapped my arm up in bandages. "You'll be good til we get back. I suggest we get a move on looking for signs of her existence before the rest come back." He spoke seriously this time._
> 
> _We scavenged around the building. There were bodies and entrails everywhere. It was a massacre in here. I could only hope she was gone or dead before the super mutants overwhelmed them. The struggle sprawled out before me told me there was more than two of them at one point and I didn't want to stay here to confirm it. I walked up some damaged stairs where more and more bodies of women and the occasional man lie on the floor. They were either gutted or skinned... it was fucking awful. A girl stared up in shock... cold, stiff and dead... Her face was skinned and eyelids removed giving her a  permanent look of terror. "Fuck me..." Deacon spoke._
> 
> _He had seen similar carnage or worse but I guess the initial shock never faded. Meanwhile, I felt like I was going to be sick. Death was common but this was shocking. I stepped into a nice room with a ghoul poached up on a leather arm chair. She had a MedX needle still sticking in her arm. I could only guess she would rather die this way than how her other counterparts had. I stepped closer... I could tell at one point she was a beautiful human. Her skin wasn’t as damaged as most of the ghouls I had met. Such a shame the world was like this... There was a letter next to her that caught my eye. I picked it up gingerly and started to read the terrible handwriting. The contents of the letter moved me. Her last will. A letter she knew she would never send. She told the man she mentioned in the letter how much she loved him. She wrote that she hoped he moved on from her and she was content with being a slave. Deacon patted my shoulder and I turned to him with a somber look on my face. I folded the letter and placed it in my rucksack. I wanted to keep it as a reminder that there was more to this world than pain. There was also love, even in a place like this. It was tragic really. "Naiema..." He said softly. The use of my real name instead of my codename sobered me up. Something was wrong. “There’s a girl.. that uh.. She matches the description… kind of. She’s in the other room but prepare yourself okay?”_
> 
> _I ignored his warning and rushed to the room. As I looked in at the scene, I grew cold and the weight of the world crashed around me. I knew it was her. Her skull had been smashed open... She wore a thin night gown with no panties. She was exposed. I ran to her and covered her up with a holey blanket from her bed. Her brain matter was sprayed across the wall she rested on. Her were legs cut up and tangled around her. Her arms laid limp on each side of her. I couldn't really recognize her but the feeling that welled up inside me told me it had to be her. I placed my hand on her bloodied chest over a pendant she wore. I gave it to her when we were kids. I told her she was the best friend I’d ever had as I clasped it around her neck. Her eyes sparkled like usual and she hugged me so tightly. It was a piece of amber I soldered into a twisted piece of metal. My dad helped me craft it. The amber reminded me of her sparkling hazel eyes. I hugged her dead and mutilated corpse. "FUCK! I'm so sorry Angel.... fuck I'm so sorry.... I couldn't save you... fuck… I’m sorry... I"m sorry! I love you too... I love you…" Deacon began to pull me off and I tried to shrug him off as I began to wail loudly into what was once my best friend. He gave me a yank and pulled me into him. Holding me and muffling my sobs with his chest. "Sshhh... she isn't suffering anymore, Champ. Look we need to get out of here before we end up the same way."_
> 
> _Leave? But… but I just found her. I let out a jittery sigh. What did I expect to do once I found her? Have a tea party with her? Fuck he was right... I looked at her and chocked out another sob. "I can’t leave her like this."  I unclasped the necklace I made for her and placed it in my rucksack._
> 
> _He helped me bury her and a few others that weren’t in pieces, including the ghoulish woman. I placed the whitest purest stone I could find over Angel’s grave and marked the others with burnt sticks. I'd come visit her when I could. After hours of digging and tossing rotting corpses in graves, we burnt the building down so no one would take over the place. We didn’t stay to watch it burn down. If there were super mutants that were going to return, this was a huge signal fire for them to come back to investigate. We made it back to the old diner that was the Railroad's safe house in a couple of days._

 

 Once I was there I became restless. I wanted to kill every bastard that enslaved people. I wanted to mutilate Ehren like the super mutants mutilated Angel. I ignored the gnawing in the back of my mind and decided to wait a few months and see how I felt. As much as I wanted Ehren dead immediately. I was hesitant to come back here. I did little reconnaissance missions for the Railroad. Months turned into almost three years. I gained skills and courage. When the time came for me to move on, Deacon wasn't surprised. No one was. I had changed and my hunger for revenge had grown exponentially. Deacon did me the favor of going with me to gathered intel on where this new brothel I reside in now was located. Turned out they moved out of the old one after I burnt half the place to the ground. The new place was called Montien Boston.

 

> _"_ _You're insane! I said I’d help you find it, not waltz in there and get yourself killed or worse! Enslaved! You are giving up all your freedom for what? Revenge?? You're either the most stupid or the most ballsy woman I have ever met..." Deacon scolded me. When I didn’t answer, he pulled me into a big hug. I hated saying goodbye and part of me wished he would stop me. He understood to well though. He knew I'd rather die than watch the world become a shittier and shittier place. I wanted to do what was right. Bigger things than the Railroad could offer. Even if it cost me my life._

 

I woke up startled and sweating. The last thing I remembered dreaming about was the raiders hands on me before they knocked me out, tied me up, and blindfolded me. Seems they were close on my trail regardless of the Railroad hiding me. It was only a matter of time before they found me and the Railroad’s safehouse. A disaster waiting to happen. I led them on a goose chase to the south for miles and miles. The goal was to kill as many as possible and not get caught doing it. Then, I would circle back and do it all over again until I knew I could take down the place. However, I stumbled on a place called Danbury and quickly figured out it was a slaving settlement. Eventually, it became too many to kill as word of my bounty reached the place and Ehren’s men alerted them I was in the area. They had me surrounded and didn’t even know it. Still… I found myself trapped and low on everything. I shouldn’t have been so damn cocky or walked as far. I doubt I could’ve fought my way out of that. With the original plan gone to shit, I made myself known to them right before walking into their grasps. The bounty wanted me alive and it was my only chance of survival at that point. I still put up a fight though. My anger still seething after seeing Angel's mutilated body all those years ago. The memory still vivid in my mind.

On the flip side, they took me straight to their main hub. Montien. I was worried when they blindfolded me that they were taking me somewhere else. I tried to find comfort in knowing Mag’s was around but my situation was grim. The feeling of regret returned to me as I fingered the bomb collar on my neck. _Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe Ehren is a force I can't fight against. I should of kept running when I had the chance…_


	4. Origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has drug use and implied non-con.
> 
> MUSIC FOR YOUR EAR HOLES. :D  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV8PHaWgDXI&list=FLarH7XoO2HFxNpFQ2hWJmZA

     I got up and stared at myself for at least two hours in the makeshift bathroom mirror. My hands kept tracing the bomb collar and I couldn't stop touching it. I had looked over every inch I could. Memorized it. Felt the locks. They could so easily be unfastened but I knew as soon as I did, it would go off. _Who am I kidding... I don't know the first thing about explosives. Where did he even get this thing?_  It all seemed so extreme. All of it. My life was ridiculous. It became more of a fantasy than the books I used to read. It became more of a fantasy than PreWar America. Yet, here I am.

 

 

>       _"To think I had wasted my time with some fucking wedding ring. That's okay baby. I got you a new one! See..." Ehren's voice was low now and he leaned into me. "You can't run now and I know all your tricks."_  

 

     Ehren would visit me every night. It only made me angrier and sadder that I was here. Sure, the room was nicer than the old brothel's and sure, I was going to kill every last one of these bastards. However, I felt like a piece of me was broken. I tried to ignore it but Ehren had indeed taken everything from me. There was nothing left of my own. My body became a shell. My mind lost as it wandered through memories of better things. I knew about sex at an early age. Funny thing is, it wasn't because I was raised in a brothel. It was from an anatomy book I read in the vault. It was nothing like I imagined. It was rough and painful. It disgusted me as I heard my own skin slap and make embarrassing noises. The smell of Ehren made me sick to my stomach. It all did and honestly, it made me want to die. I had every opportunity to die out there _free_ but no... I chose to do it here.

     Part of me still existed that needed to get out... Part of me didn’t want to die like this. I tried to feed off those small moments of rebellion. The problem was, I couldn't just start shooting up the place. I was on lock down 24/7. Even if I could get out, there was the issue of the collar. I couldn't run and as soon as I started shooting the place up? POOF! It only took a push of a button to send my brains flying. Sure, I could kamikaze but it didn’t provide the results I wanted. One, I’d be dead and Two, it probably wouldn’t bring this hell hole down. It was a big place from what I could tell and I was fucked in every sense of the word.

      My body began to get used to Ehren and eventually I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I began to observe more than be ornery and a troublemaker. If I was going to get out of here, I had to stalk my prey like a lion did in the Savannahs of Africa. _Did lions exist anymore? Did anyone even know that Africa had existed once? I bet most of these assholes wouldn’t know their mouth from their asshole…_

     Three weeks had passed since I first arrived. Ehren left to go somewhere south for “business”. I couldn't get any of the raiders that guarded my door to say more. I made it a point to get to know each of them. Turns out, my night guard is the same gentlemen that told me everyone had been killed or sold from the vault all those years ago. His name's Greg. He aged badly and wore a lot more scars than I remembered. He seemed to be my caretaker that held the remote when Ehren was gone. Might as well get to know my peacemaker right? He seemed to enjoy having a conversation that didn't consist of the darker topics that were common here. He liked hearing about the stories I had read. I'd give him one fun fact a day. Did you know you can't dream and snore at the same time? He wasn't a bad person for the most part... His heart wasn't all evil. In fact, most people that weren't slaves didn't like this way of life. It just was. This was how it had to be for them to survive. Trapped in the pit that everyone else was trapped in. I ended up relieved he had the remote in comparison to some of the other morons here.

     I slowly began to gain more freedom. They didn't seem too worried I would run off because of the collar. What they worried about were weapons in my hands. They did frequent checks of my room because of it. Dumbasses still haven’t found some of the things I’ve managed to get a hold of. I was still confined to the second floor and balcony but it was better than nothing. Anytime I left that fucking cage I had a minimum of two raiders following me. Anytime I pissed they would be there. Snickering like fucking dogs.

      Despite the newly found freedom, I spent my time mostly in my room. Mag's would come see me every other day since I wasn't allowed in the brothel. She was the closest thing to a mother I had ever gotten. She was one of the few people after the vault that didn't fuck me over or lie to me. Mags would give me the news of the world around us, the brothel, the Swans and of course, Ehren. The pain this woman went through for her son on a daily basis was unimaginable. She was another on my list of reasons to kill Ehren slowly. She would bring me clothes and old books I had read when I was a teenager. She even brought me some stained and crumbled papers with a pencil. Sketching wasn't something I did a lot since leaving the vault but she had caught me doodling from time to time years ago. It was nice that she remembered the little things like that. She was one of the only comforts I had. That and the chems. I never was much of a chem user but it numbed the pain. It helped me sleep when the nightmares ruled my mind. It made sense why they taught the girls how to not wreck their veins.

 

**.....**

 

     Sometimes I'd watch him. One time he stayed in the dining hall long enough for me to quickly sketch him. Without his permission, of course. I wasn't sure what it was that made him a person of interest to me. Besides him being a ghoul he wasn't any different than a human. His habits weren't too unusual. He wasn't the first non-feral I had seen either. For how his skinned looked, he was devilishly handsome. His jaw line could cut ice and his black eyes could pierce. His ripped and textured skin didn’t bother me. It was just different. Unique... and interesting. When he got close enough I could see his muscles move beneath the skin more than you could a normie. It was intriguing to say the least. He wore a dark tattered leather duster, a black shirt, black pants and boots. For the most part his skin was covered expect for his head and hands. I wondered what the rest of him looked like.

     He was good at avoiding contact with anyone until he had his orders. He did it so well that the displays of bigotry were few and far between. The way he interacted with the other raiders... he was different. There was a person somewhere in there and that person was unlike any of the people that resided in this hellhole. He seemed to favor a particular spot in the dining area but I saw less of him the more freedom I gained. He didn't say much but when he spoke it was this gravelly voice. Sometimes in the evenings I could hear him growl quietly as the MedX hit his veins. He became another distraction from my daily routine of wasting away. Something to study with intrigue. I wanted to know him. Most of all I wanted to know if I could trust him.

     "Hey... You got any Jet?" I had reached my hand out of my cage as he passed by.

     I lightly touched his arm in the process. He jumped at first and hesitated. I could hear the rumble in his chest as he spoke. "Uhh... yea, sister."

     He quickly reach in his coat for some Jet and handed it to me. Before I could thank him, he was already walking away at a brisk pace. From them on, he was nowhere to be found. He avoided my floor if he could. It was then I realized he wasn't a raider or a slaver. He was a slave himself.

 

* * *

 

      _What the fuck was she doing? Trying to get me killed?_   I traveled down stairs to the brothel. I plopped down at a table that was in the darkest place on this floor. It’s officially my new spot. I hit the chair hard and sighed. I became a regular there in the recent weeks. She had never approached me before until now.  _What could I possibly have that interests her? It's not just the Jet... She can get that at any time and free of charge._ I had to admit that ever since that dame showed up, my suicidal thoughts had almost vanished. She was interesting to watch and quite the distraction from all of it. You could say she’s a colorful contrast to the black and white here. She had smoothed the guards over to let her wander around the second floor. She'd taken over it for the most part and I felt the need to give her privacy these days. Besides, I wouldn't get caught talking to her. If Ehren heard about me having any contact with her I'd go right back into the box.

 

 

>       _"Talking to the Swans again, really? How many times are we going to go over this before you make me kill you and your grotesque sibling? If I hear about you bothering the girls again... It will be a month I keep you out here. Good thing you’re a ghoul, right?" Ehren stood over my head and knocked his fingers on the tin can that held my body. The vibrations made my skin crawl. It sent deep needles through muscle and bone. I just smiled at him. "Not a chance." I rasped with dry lips._

 

     She mostly kept to herself though. She would only have brief conversations with particular raiders and Mags. Whenever I was up there she kept her distance like a skulking cat.  _Naiema..._  that was her name. Naiema started growing ballsy now that she had the place figured out. Well... ballsier than she had been since Ehren got a hold of her. Shit, I even saw her fiddling with the code panel to her door. Another reason why I stay out of her way. Sometimes I could hear the magnetic locks shift in the middle of the night. It would make me grin from ear to ear. The girl was smart as fuck. Unbelievably smart. She was a tinkerer and sometimes she drew pictures. If it wasn't obvious why she was so important to Ehren before. It is now. She was a diamond among the wastes. I'd never seen a girl like that. All of them were rough around the edges as well as rough on the insides. Eyes cloudy from radiation. Naiema's eyes were as clear as purified water and there wasn't anything rough about her. She put up a tough exterior but her insides are as sweet as Fancy Lad Cakes. I could see it in her eyes when the rare occurrence happened. It was usually on the balcony when she drew pictures of hills and trees. Trees with leaves. Flowers that didn't kill you but instead sprung elegantly from a fertile ground. What I would do to be inside her head for a day. To visit the worlds she conjured up behind those exotic eyes and escape reality.

     I had to keep my distance from her. I was intrigued by her and the feeling seemed to be mutual now. It isn't the easiest being down here in my position. I'm not really welcome on this floor. Its mostly because I'd roughed up a few smoothskin bigots and drunks before. People aren't too fond of ghouls, especially after they've been staring at nude smoothskins all night. Kills the mood, ya dig? Mags brought me water while I endured the box after a couple rounds of shenanigans. I couldn't complain though. I had nowhere else to go in this place now that the girl had shown up. After Mags noticed I had vacated the second floor, she offered me a booth in the back. It was mostly secluded and guests weren't sat back here because of damage that never got repaired. Most of the time it was so dark no one knew whether I was a human or ghoul. Whenever Montien, the brothel, opened for business the first story of the place would fill with creeps from all walks of life. As much as the girls dancing hypnotized me, it also disgusted me. The pigs and dogs barking and drooling over the soft skin laid out before them. The same boring songs of the Commonwealth radio. The fear in some of the Swan's eyes. This place was a pit of disease.

 

 

>       _"She kicked your ass out did she?" Mags sat across from me._
> 
> _"Nah." I chuckled._
> 
> _"I think we both know staying away from her is for the best." she spoke quietly._
> 
> _"What makes you think I want anything to do with Ehren's pet?" I scoffed. Was I that obvious?_
> 
> _"She’s something special, isn’t she? More than you or I will ever be. You're too smart not to see that John."_
> 
> _I stared at her for a second and then withdrew to retrieve more MedX. I knew I could trust Mags but for the safety of all three of us. I said nothing._
> 
> _"I hope one day she kills Ehren. She could free us all if given the opportunity. That’s why she came back, you know?" She touched my hand and walked away._
> 
> _She came back willingly? Why the hell would she do that?_

   

      It was one of those nights. My tolerance to the chems were back up. The stiff air felt like razors pressing against my skin. A sharp pressure. I wanted to keep the rest of my stash for tomorrow... but I couldn't wait. I needed to numb my body more than my mind. I stepped quietly down the stairs. Most of the residents were asleep. Even the guard posted at Naiema's door was passed out drunk on a couch. I stepped lightly through the dining room and out on to the balcony.

      "Fuck!" Naiema hissed and turned out of one of the patio chairs quickly. She dropped her jet inhaler and pulled the smallest 10mm I'd ever seen out. Her aim was on me.

    I quickly raised one hand above my head and the other gestured to be quiet to my lips. She froze in place and hesitated. After a few second standoff, she slowly lowered the gun. I mouthed  _"What the fuck, man?"_  to her. I took a couple of steps to close the distance. "What the hell are you doing? You have a gun!? You know they'd make your head blast off as soon as they see that shit, sister." I whispered harshly. _She’s fucking crazy._

      "The fuck you mean 'you have a gun?' Are you completely oblivious to what goes on in this fuckhole of a place?!" We were whispering but she tried to be as angry as possible. It was silly how passionate she could be even in a whisper. I couldn't help but show a toothy grin. There it is. That fire she was known for. 

     "We both know that ain't true. You’ve seen me scrub the floors. The hell you doing out here so late?" My eyes drifted to the jet inhaler on the deck of the balcony. "Ohhhh. Kitten likes to get high in the middle of the night, hmm?" I reached down and grabbed her inhaler. I slowly handed it to her and sat down on a rusted chair. "Me too."

     I pulled out a couple of Jet inhalers I had left and put it on the worn patio table. I sighed and hiked up my sleeve and pulled out my favorite drug in a syringe. I quickly popped the needle into my vein. I pressed the tab down and my body began to relax. The moving air and chems made my skin stop hurting so damn much. I looked up at her as I grabbed for a Jet inhaler. She didn't seem to want to move to sit back down. I motioned slowly for her to sit. "No worries kitten. I won’t tell them you got a gun."

     "Don't call me that." She sat down cautiously. She shook her inhaler up and took a long hit off of it.

     "What should I call you then?" I whispered as I took a drag of jet myself. I knew her name but I wanted to hear her say it. I wanted her to tell me herself. She silently moved her chair closer.

     "Naiema." She held out her hand to me. "What do I call you?" she asked. My grin grew wider and I took her hand in mine and shook it. Her skin was the softest thing I had ever touched in my life. Also, it wasn't everyday someone would shake the hand of a ghoul.

     "Hancock is the name.” I smiled to her.

     “Nice to officially meet you, Hancock.” She returned the smile. A small one, but still a smile.

     “You got a lot of manners for a slaver's wife." I shut my mouth immediately.  _Fucking really? Great joke buddy…_

     "He wishes." She didn't seem offended and I relaxed. "Why are you here?" She flashed her green and blue eyes at me.

     I hadn't been expecting the question and looked at her funny. She was smart enough to figure out I wasn't here as a captor or raider. So why ask? "Long story." I replied.

     "I got a few hours and more Jet."

     "Too depressing. I don't want to kill my trip."

     "Fine. How old are you then? Prewar?" she was the one grinning now. It was probably one of the first times I had seen her genuinely smile like that.

     "You first."

      She didn't hesitate. "Ladies first then? 23."

     "You can’t be... You look way too young to be 23. Maybe 18 at most."

     "Heh. Looks doesn't make a person. Your turn."

     Her comment caught me off guard and I was reeling about her age. I thought maybe she had just turned 17. Maybe her growth was stunted by lifelong trauma. I had no fucking clue how any of it worked. Regardless, It explained a good bit of her behavior versus her innocent looks. "Nah. Not Prewar. 34."

     "You look too young to be 34." she whispered and then chuckled lightly.

     "Didn't take you as the mocking type. Considering your usual company." We both smiled at each other. _When was the last time I had talked to someone like this besides Mags?_

     We stayed up talking about random things and shared interests until a slight hint of the sun graced the sky. Things like guns, chems and the worst irradiated creatures we ever had the misfortune of being up against. Hers was a Yao Guai, mine was a deathclaw years ago. We didn’t really talk about our life, not the heavy stuff at least. I never told her why I was here and she never unveiled her secrets or why she came back willingly. I learned that she was actually quite caring. She adored Mag's and her gang of swans. She liked to dance like them. Though, she was never allowed to and didn’t like preforming anyway. I didn’t blame her and I assumed it was because Ehren wanted all of her to himself. Besides enjoying chems, she loved to read and learn about random shit. She was smarter than I had originally anticipated.  At one point, she took apart my lighter after she lit a cigarette up, then proceeded to put it back together. She said the Jet makes her jittery sometimes and she needed to keep her fingers busy. If I knew anything thing better than her. It was anxiety and it was written all over her. I offered her some of the harder stuff to calm her nerves but she refused.  _"Last thing I need is to get hooked and become dependent on his chems. I've seen too many girls fall hard from that route."_  The comment stung but I didn’t show it. I too had followed that route but I couldn't be upset. She was right. Chems was a big part of the trap they built here. However, the chems is what kept me from killing myself. Kept the nerve endings from feeling anything. It's what made me feel normal.

     I let her go in first and I followed. She tiptoed to the code panel and opened the cover. She connected two wires that had been split, together. The barred door unlocked and popped open. The sleeping raider shifted and we both froze for a few seconds. She continued on after she was sure he was still sleep.  "Do you mind?" she whispered in my ear.

     She stepped in and closed the door then pointed to the box. I took the two wires in my scarred hands and looked at her. She nodded. I touched them together and the locks slid back into place. I closed the cover and looked at her one last time. "0203" I whispered as quiet as I could. She looked surprised and smiled gratefully. I winked back, though she probably didn’t see it in the dark. I made my way silently to stairs. I could hear a faint whisper as I walked off. "Goodnight Hancock."  _Goodnight, kitten._

Twice a week we would meet up out on the balcony. She brought the chems and I brought the booze and cigarettes. She would bring me MedX and mentats. _Ohhhh, I love mentats._ I never did them anymore because I never wanted to be deep in thought these days... but around her? I didn't think of all the bullshit I'd put myself and others through. We never got loaded because of how dangerous the situation was. We only took the edge off. If I was caught with her, they would make me wish I was dead. She caught on to that concept pretty quick.  _"Stop staring at the door. Ill let you know if someone’s coming."_ After week four of our little get togethers, it became an every other day thing depending on Ehren’s whereabouts or the guard posted at her door. Ehren kept going out for business and runs. With him gone a lot, she had come out of her shell. She slowly began to trust me more and more, and I her. One thing that drove me wild about her, was her accent. She had this weird twang to it sometimes. Especially when she got angry or passionate. She called it a "southern accent." It was fucking adorable. She disliked it, reminded her of home. I never asked her where that was. She was a closed book when it came to anything that invloved her life before her enslavement.

 

**.....**

 

     "So here I am... waiting for my moment to pounce." she said with a sigh.

     "Fuck, sister. You really mean it don't you?" I looked at her in disbelief. This whole time I thought she had accepted her fate here. It was quite the opposite. She told me why she came back and the details of a plan she'd been coming up with since she arrived. _Revenge._ She knew the ins and outs of the brothel she had only stepped foot in once.  _Mags. Crazy old bat._  She only had one issue remaining. The bomb collar I would watch slowly flash red on my Jet trips. She had no idea how to deactivate it or get it off without the thing blowing up.

     "So why are you telling me all this? Why now?" I asked seriously. It had been four months since she arrived. I’d say we were on good terms but she didn’t trust me fully. If there was something I could do to prove it to her. I'd do it in a heartbeat.  _"She could free us all."_ kept replaying in my head.

     "I need help... Help Mags can't get me." she replied softly. She was looking down at her lap and fiddling with her hands. Since when did she become nervous around me? Had she finally snapped out of her trip and realized I was a ghoul? 

    "What kind of help...?" 

     "The kind that can walk off this property."

     "What makes you think I can do that?" I chuckled.

     She looked right through me like the day she showed up. "Why are you here, Hancock? I keep asking but you never answer."

     I swallowed hard and looked away. "Cause it’s none of your damn business, Kitten." I lit up another cigarette and took a long drag off it.

     "Oh, but it is my business. You’re a slave, right? I want out of here and so do you. But you won’t, will you? I can help... So, yea… it’s my fucking business. When I asked you for help just now? I saw it in your eyes. Hope and a god damn longing for it. I know it all too well. You want freedom just as much as me. You don't belong here and you deserve more than this whether you believe that or not.. For fucks sake Hancock, you could walk out of here anytime! You're so god damned cocky and courageous around me but those fuck-up raiders that think they own you? You crumble and become a coward. You're skilled with a knife and a fucking gun. I don't get it! So what the fuck is it? You in love with a prostitute here? You drown yourself in chems and can’t ever begin to pay them back your debt? Are they going to hunt you down if you leave?"

      She was angry at my outburst. She was right to be. She told me personal things about her time growing up at the old brothel. Her cringe worthy tails of when she was on her own and faced a Yao Guai. I never once told her anything deep about myself. None of my flaws and who I failed. Honestly, I didn't even know why I was here anymore.  _What had it been? 7 years? Maybe? 7 years since I saw her loving eyes?_ I snapped my head back to Naiema. I was conflicted and annoyed. She was offering me a way out and I was having a hard time accepting that. We sat in silence and she looked hesitant to be out here with me now. _Fuck. I am a coward._  Another voice popped into my head.  _"If you run, you'll lose her. You'll lose Anya. Forever."_

     I let out an exasperated sigh and shot up some more MedX. "You aren't wrong about the chems, kitten. You also aren’t wrong about loving a prostitute. Her name is Anya. She's my sister. If I run, they will kill her and me."


	5. Almost Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notes: This chapter has non-con/rape, drug use, extreme violence, gore, overdose and suicidal themes.
> 
> Seriously, this chapter is one big trigger.
> 
> May contain mild spoilers for the Hallucigen Inc. location in Fallout 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY HELL! This chapter took soooo long to rewrite. 19k Words BRUH! I forgot how long this chapter was and how long some in the future are. This chapter is where a lot of the changes I wanted to make to the story happen... So I apologize for it taking me a good bit to get it done. I'm pretty happy with it and the decisions I made to (hopefully) make this a better story. Warning... I for whatever reason made it a bit more grittier than I had originally intended, but I like it. :)  
> Let me know what you guys think so far! I'd really like the critique, pointers, or just your comments in general!  
> Thank you for your patience and please enjoy!

     I knew the look on my face terrified him. It contorted from sympathy to horror. I began to fidget to hide my shaking hands. _Anya…? The ghoul at Belle Muerte?_  My thoughts silenced his words as I thought of the letter I had kept. The realization of who that letter was addressed to struck me hard. It was all becoming clear. Hancock and I were the same in a lot of ways. We both put ourselves here for another. I was here for revenge and retribution. He was here to pay off her debt. A debt that couldn't be paid with caps. _What was it then? Labor? Maybe. Chems? Nah. Slavery? A lifetime?_ As ghouls, they both had time on their side to ride all of this out if he didn’t fuck up. It explained his paranoia and why a capable man like him willingly stayed in this situation. The worst part of all this? He didn't even know if she was alive or being cared for like he was promised.  _I know..._

     I quickly got up and touched his shoulder. "I'm sorry... I shouldn’t have pried."

    "Look, it’s no problem. You deserve to know the truth..." I interrupted him by walking away. I couldn't look at him. “Naiema…?”

     I quickly snuck back into my room and relocked my door. I found my feet carrying me to a small box that was hidden under my bed. The box had little trinkets and memorabilia in it that I had collected and snuck in. I took out Angel's necklace and the letter I had found in the same building. I laid on the bed and waited for Hancock to retire for the night. I clutched the letter to my chest hoping that I was mistaken. He came in shortly after I got settled into my makeshift bed. He stopped by my door and put a hand on one of the bars. You could hear his fingertips graze the rust. He looked like he was going to say something but instead walked off. "The fuck you doin Hancock?" the sleepy guard on duty called out. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the voice while Hancock froze.

     "Taking a piss, asshat."

     "I didn't know you had a dick!" the raider laughed out in amusement. His laugh obnoxious and loud. Just like that, the situation was defused.

     Hancock breathed in deeply and let it out forcefully. He made his way up the stairs and disappeared. I unfolded the letter and clutched Angel's necklace in my fist. My eyes strained in the dark to read the words.

>       _Dear Johnboy..._
> 
> _Love, Anya._

_T_ ears began to well up in my eyes but I blinked them away as quick as they came.  _He has no idea..._  I wanted to tell him. I needed to tell him and he needed to know. However, a selfish thought stopped me from entertaining that idea. If he found out, he would probably leave and not come back. I'd be stuck here. He had become my last hope and he didn't even know it. I thought he had become so numb and oblivious in his chem comas. No, he was here for a dead woman. It made me fonder of him then I cared for given the situation. _I wonder if Angel knew Anya._ I hated being so dependent of him but I wanted out. I also wanted to help him just as much. I decided that night that it wasn't just about me anymore. I was going to free him from his burdens so he could walk out of here with a clear consciousness.

    I couldn’t sleep that night. A common occurrence but this time it was because my mind flooded with questions and the weight of the letter than I held in my hand. I wondered where he came from. What state was he born in? When did he become a ghoul? How did his sister end up with the same fate? Was she the younger or older sibling? Twins? _It’s never twins…_ He looks so young despite his ghoulification and so did she. They had to be around my age when it happened. What was his childhood like? What would he do after we got out of this mess? _What would he do if he found out…?_

      I was struggling to keep my guilt in control with the information I harbored. I made the decision to give him the letter and tell him what I knew about his sister but found it terrifying. He would surely leave. He would do just that and not think twice about me. Why would he come back and endanger his life for a stranger? _Stranger…? Acquaintance?_ _Maybe…_ The fear kept gripping me when I would see him around. He could tell something was off. When we would catch eyes, I would quickly divert my gaze, and his would fill with confusion and then apathy. I avoided him the first few nights. I wanted to be sure in my decision. Could I live with the guilt of using him or would I do the right thing?

     When I finally joined him out on the balcony, we didn't speak much. I had so many questions but couldn't form them with confidence. My mind kept wanting my mouth to blurt out the offensive words. _“Your sister is dead. You’re a free man.”_ Neither of us knew how to talk to each other now and that produced a pang of sadness within me. There wasn’t even the common greeting of _“Hello”_ between us. We just sat there in silence and tried to enjoy our cigarettes and light chem haze in the tension.

     "I’ll do it. Whatever it is. I’ll do it." he said suddenly.

     “What…?” I turned to him in surprise. He was staring at the knife he always carried. He was delicately flicking it between his fingers with finesse. An action that never alarmed me until I began to think of the implications.

     His eyes shot up to me and he just stared me down. It seems he isn’t going to say it again but he seemed genuine. I coughed to clear the air and tried to speak. "Are… are you sure?" I asked him and swallowed hard.

     "Look, kitten." he began. The name that once annoyed the shit out of me soothing me momentarily.

      "If I die helping you, so be it. Besides, I have to try and find Anya. I've put it off too long and you’re right… I’m fucking a coward.” I frowned at him as he kept speaking with urgency. “I’m just sitting here letting her and myself rot away instead of doing something about it. I don't want to live like this, never have... I just didn’t want them to hurt her again because of me.” He paused for a moment as if in thought. I kept silent. “Shit… if you’re up for it. Maybe you could help me spring her… you are the expert, right?” He rasped out and chuckled lightly. The nerves in his laugh was barely noticeable but noticeable none the less.

     I couldn’t speak and despite being amuse by his comment, I didn’t laugh. I guess I was an expert at escaping up until recently. I just stared at my lap like it was super intriguing. The guilt was crushing me and the pressure began building at my temples. _Tell him. Tell him. Tell him!_ He began to speak again and interrupted my self-berating. My eyes flicked to him again. I could tell he was trying to step out of his comfort zone for me. It made the guilt that much heavier.

     “It’s fucking strange, ya know? A young and pretty spitfire… a complete stranger just shows up and lights a fire under my ass. Reminds me that this shell I’ve become ain’t me and you don’t even really know me. It takes a runt like you to make me snap out of it." He smiled trying to make the situation less tense. "I have a lot of regrets and made a lot of mistakes, Naiema. It's time I make up for those. What I’m trying to say is… let’s make a deal. I help you, help me or… something like that." The smile grew across his worn face and his eyes were searching mine. _Pretty?_ The fire was being set ablaze in those dark eyes and I’d be a liar to deny I felt it… wanted it. Needed it even in this cold place.

     He held his hand out to shake on it. I looked to his hand and then his smile again. It warmed me immensely and I realized I didn’t want to lose that quite yet. As it stands, I need him for my survival. All manners of it. _That’s all it is right? I’m not being manipulative or malicious… I’m surviving._ I squeezed his hand and shook it firmly. A smile slowly crept onto my face and I began to tell him the details I had come up with so far. _I may have a chance._

 

**.....**

 

     Mags told me there was more than one collar brought back. The other one wasn’t in use but the idea that Ehren may find another victim to wear it or replace me is worrisome. However, it provided an opportunity… like spare parts. We needed more information on how the collars worked if I had any hope on taking mine off or making use of the other collar without detonation. Ehren had to have an instructions manual or something on the collars. I doubted he was smart enough to figure them out without one. Mags proceeded to tell me about the place Ehren had sent his men to retrieve the collars. Most didn't return and the ones that did were fucked up in the head.  _"Seeing things."_ _she said._ He put the survivors down shortly after their arrival back. The place was called HalluciGen Inc. How ironic. Poor souls. Regardless, it was our last resort to gather information.

     With Hancock’s leash being the looser one of us three, he could get more information than we could. He could go places we couldn’t. Mags couldn't leave because of the Swans, I couldn't leave because of obvious reasons. Despite being a ghoul, Hancock was charismatic enough. He was sneaky enough… At least I hoped it would be enough. If Hancock couldn’t find what I needed in the brothel, it became worst case scenario. The scenario that scared me the most about this plan in the works. Hancock would have to leave and sneak his way back in. HalluciGen Inc. was a couple of days out from what Mags mentioned. He wouldn't make it back before people started noticing his absence and he would be shot on sight upon returning. If he left, he had the option of never coming back. I had debated which would motivate him to help me more if he had to leave. Tell him about Anya? Or don’t? I tried not to dwell on that part and stayed hopeful that the information we needed was here in Montien. That I could trust Hancock with my life. _Yet you’re betraying his?_

_Stop…_

     I noticed a small hole in the back of the collar one night. I had found it when touching the damn thing. It’s become a compulsion for me. It seemed like a small pin could fit in there but I couldn't see it without another mirror. Hancock flashed his lighter and confirmed it for me the next night. _Maybe it’s a safety release to the locks? Perhaps it’s a reset button? Would it explode if I tampered with it?_ The risks were beginning to stack and not in my favor.

     “Naiema.” Hancock interrupted my thoughts.

     “Hm?” I responded half-heartedly. I was still stuck in my own head trying to think of every possible scenario and solution.

     “You’re doing it again.” He huffed out over cigarette smoke. It pooled out of his mouth and dissipated.

     “Huh? Oh. Sorry.” I responded and shook myself out of it.

     “What’s on your mind?” He asked and handed me another cigarette. I was so zoned out the one I had was nothing but ash. I only remember taking a drag or two off it.

     “A lot but mainly the collar.” I answered with a sigh and tapped on it lightly.

     “Yea. About that… You were in the middle of describing some other things that could make taking that thing off easier, then you zoned out. Thought it was the chems but I could see the gears turning just fine. You sure you don’t want any calmex? Take your mind off that ticking time bomb around your neck?”

     “Jet is enough. I won’t feel any better until this thing is off me… Right, so, I need a telephone or maybe even a Bunsen burner. I can use some parts from it to craft a safety pin, if that’s even what this hole is for. Whatever is left I can use it to rewire the collars. Or… just the one collar.”

     The look he gave me when I said that made me snort and laugh. He looked confused as hell. His brow arched high the other low. What was left of his nose crinkled. After a very brief staring contest, he began to chuckle and then proceeded to make fun of my snort. “The hell was that?” He spoke with a light heart. "All the dramatics and that's it? I was expecting you to say shit like 'teleportation device' or a 'sprocket'. You just want some prewar junk? For whatever reason, I was expecting some fancy high-tech tools bullshit.” He continued to chuckle and raised his hands in submission. “I’m not belittling it… It won’t be easy to buy shit like that because we live with fucking raiders but I’ll see what I can do. We might even have one around this shithole still. What do you need the junk for?" he asked.

     “Both of those ‘pieces of junk’ have copper in them. I doubt they have any copper wire laying around. That shit sells for a lot of caps... I’m banking on them being too dumb to know how valuable some of the parts are in a lot of prewar junk. The spare parts could be useful when it comes to tinkering with the collars. I’d rather be prepared than not. Also… Do you even know what a sprocket is??" He shook his head “no” with an amused look on his face and I couldn’t help but smile. After the subtle laughter tapered off, the tension and guilt began to crawl back, as it always does.

     "Hey... can you do me another solid?” I asked looking away from him then taking a drag of my cigarette.

     "What's up?" He replied coolly and propped his feet up on the table.

     "Just… Be careful…”

     "Nai... Ill figure it out. Just come up with a better plan for what happens after we get that collar off your pretty neck."

      _Pretty? That’s the second time he has called me pretty._

     He was still worried about what happens after the bomb collar was no longer an issue. My plan wasn't that well thought out beyond that but it preyed on the only weaknesses I knew. The theatrics down in the brothel would be a good distraction. We would make our move on a day they were open. Most of the raiders and slavers got drunk at the show. Comfortable in their own sick fortress to detect a threat from within. Especially when all threats inside have been pacified or so they think. Then there was Ehren's weakness for me. He would provide plenty of opportunities for me to kill him or gain the remote. _Maybe I could subdue him long enough to put the collar on him..._ I shook my head at that thought. As much as I’d like to torture him, a long slow death... I doubted I would have time to do that. Quick and painful was going to be the best method despite my disappointment. Freedom was something I wanted… **bad** but I wanted to kill Ehren more. I wasn’t leaving until his blood was on my hands.

     From there we would shoot our way out of the place. Hancock didn't say which part he didn't like but it was probably the 'shoot our way out' part. There was only two of us and plenty of innocent life here that could get in the way or be ended if we made any mistakes. Mags didn't want anything to do with it and didn't want to know when it would happen. She also didn't want any of her girls involved. Even if it meant their freedom. She would only pass along what she knew. We were reluctant to tell any of the other slaves that were worse off than the Swans. If too much word got out, we would never have a chance to get out before we were caught. Behavior like that is awarded here. Everyone out for themselves except the Swans. At least they had each other. We are alone on this and against a few dozen raiders. Possibly more during a show.

     Hancock usually soothed me in our meetings that took place in the dead of the night. However, that depended on if my mind would let me rest without the constant pang of guilt or shame. That or it was the chems that calmed my ass down. I’m banking on all the jet. Still… He was kind and that constantly reminded me of how unkind I was being. He was willing to risk his life to aid in my escape and I still haven’t told him about his sister. The longer I waited to tell him, the worse it would be. I knew that. I began to wonder if I was really going to commit on not telling him at all.

    “You’re doing it again.” The familiar and warm rasp spoke up.

     “Sorry…” I looked at him. The fog of being in my own head clearing.

     “You apologize too much.” He smiled. “Here. Just relax for a little.”

     He motioned for me to sit in my chair backwards, my thighs straddling the backrest. I did as he instructed with little hesitation. He put his chair behind me and sat down. He was close now and my heart did something funny. It wasn’t alarming but the pace it picked up didn’t go unnoticed. He slowly grazed his fingers over my back and lower neck. He gradually applied more pressure, drawing circles and working out knots that had formed. His hands were warm. Unnaturally warm. I let out a low and quiet groan when he hit a spot below the collar. The damn thing wasn’t heavy but it had enough weight to constantly bruise and strain my neck. I folded my arms on top of the backrest and laid my head in them. I closed my eyes. Focused on him and the relief that filled me. My heart slowed as I relaxed into his touch. A thought popped into my head. “Do… Do you trust me?” I asked quietly.

     A low rumble sounded quietly behind me and his ministrations stopped. “It’s strange to say yes given the short amount of time that’s passed but… yea… I trust you with my life.”

     “Hancock… I… I’ve got something to tell you. It’s about y..” A noise sounded inside the building. The barred door to my room. “Shit!” I hissed lowly between teeth.

     Hancock got up in a flash and hid in the shadows. He pulled his knife out and waited. I quickly turned around and propped my feet up on the chair that still held the warmth from Hancock. I fumbled for the cigarettes on the table and lit one up with shaking hands. Someone was up and someone was going to find out I was missing. I prayed they wouldn’t sound the alarm or push that tiny red button that held my life. So, I waited. I closed my eyes tight and waited for it to come. It didn’t take long for a frantic raider to slam the door to the balcony open and look over me.

     “What the fuck do you think yer doin!? How tha hell did you get out?” He questioned. He seemed more astonished than angry but that quickly faded with my response.

     “I just wanted some fresh air.” I smiled to him warily. I tried to put on my best face but my mind was consumed with the man that hid in the shadows. _Don’t do anything stupid… please._

“Oh yea?! I can see that!” He said sarcastically as he motioned to my cigarette. He began to walk over to me. Cautious yet determined.

     His back was to Hancock now and I shot said ghoul a look to stand down. Or at least I hoped he would take it that way. The raider ripped the cigarette from my mouth and slapped me. Hard. “I’m ain’t going to ask yer pretty mouth again how ya got out. Did ya have help?”

      I spoke up quickly. “Are you really that fucking stupid? You guys aren’t exactly keeping the code to the door a secret. Did you really think I wouldn’t watch your clumsy ass hands half hazardly punch the code in?”

     I was rewarded with another slap to the face and he grabbed me by my hair and yanked me out of the chair. I landed on my hands and knees on the ground. I looked up to where Hancock was. I couldn’t see him but I could see the flash of a knife preparing to strike. The guard bent down to me. “Yer lucky Ehren is coming back tomorrow. I’d take great pleasure in punishing ya myself.” He said low into my ear.

     It was supposed to be a seductive promise but it sounded more like a grotesque grating in my ears. Annoying and disgusting. _Ehren is coming back Tomorrow? That isn’t enough time for Hancock to find what he needs without Ehren being in the way._ I began to stand on my own accord until I was yanked up suddenly. I glanced at where Hancock’s general direction was. “If I were you. I wouldn’t do anything stupid. Wouldn’t want your life to end over something so petty.” I said seriously then looked to the raider that was grasping and pinning my arms behind me. It could have been meant for the guard but I more meant it for Hancock and hoped he would take the hint.

     Luckily, he did. He didn’t move or make a sound as I was dragged back in. The raider threw me into my cell and approached me. “How’er ya going to make up for this? I could easily not tell Ehren about you being a bitch and get the code changed.” He began to approach me.

     Every step he took, I took one back. “In your dreams…” I growled out.

     “Fine… Expect the worst.” He rushed me and before I could react he gut punched me and then backed off, cackling.

     I spit in his face in retaliation and he continued to laugh even harder. He swiped the spit onto his fingers and then licked it clean off them. I looked at him in disgust as I held my stomach. “Just as sweet as I imagined.” He said with a wink and went to lock the door behind himself.

     “You’re fucking disgusting…” I growled out and sat on the edge of my bed.

 

**.....**

 

     Ehren came back this morning. He was pissed off and already drunk. Whatever it was he set out to accomplish. It had backfired. Some of his gang was getting restless with him. Shit was starting to spiral out of control for Ehren.  _Good. Perfect Timing_. Of course, the news that I knew the code to the panel was the icing on the cake. For that. He decided to put me on display for all to see. A display of his dominance over me and everyone here.

     I could hear him raging up the stairs and through the bar. I stood abruptly from the chair in my room. I began preparing myself for whatever was to come. He stood in front of my door. The guard from the night before was in his way as he was doing his job. Guarding my door. Ehren looked dangerous though. There was no cocky smile he usually adorned. It was all cold and savage. “Open the door.” Ehren commanded.

     The guard quickly got out of his way and fumbled with the code panel. “Fucking open it.” Ehren yelled this time, spit flying from his mouth.

     “I can’t... the code isn’t working!” The guard was nervous now and looked directly at me with a look of horror.

     Despite the pain that was about to be unleashed on me… I allowed myself a grin. _Payback is a bitch._ Of course I had figured out how to change the code. Is was so damn easy. I just never had a need to do it until now. So I waited all night for that fucker to fall asleep in front of my door and changed it. _Lazy fuckers._

     Within a second, Ehren had his gun drawn and yet another guard’s brain matter sprayed on the wall and floor in front of my prison. Ehren then shot the code panel and the barred door popped open. “Get a fucking new one…. A better one. It’s obvious she knows how to reset the code panel and you mother fuckers aren’t doing your god damn job!” His teeth were showing as he growled and barked out orders.

     Some went to do as he commanded while others seemed frozen in place. Afraid to move or step out of line incase Ehren wanted to blow more brains out today. “Get that fucking ghoul up here to clean this shit up.”

     He paused and looked at me. I was still grinning cockily just staring and waiting to see what was going to happen next. “You….” He said. His eyes boring holes into me.

     He didn’t say anything else and didn’t have to. He flung the door open and came right at me. His arm rearing back and pistol whipping me in the face. It caught my brow bone and knocked me off balance. As I fell to the ground hard, he swung his pistol at me again and hit the same area. I could feel my brain jolt hard and short circuit. Warm blood trickled down my swelling eye and face. Still… I looked at him and grinned. _You can’t break me... there is nothing left to break._

     As if he could read my mind and accepted the challenge, he grinned as well. “You’re going to regret being a pain in my ass. Let’s see how you like it.” He said lowly. I could already see the monster inside him rear its ugly head. Still, I held my gaze and my grin was unrelenting.

     He snatched up my arm and twisted it behind my back until it was at the point of dislocating. It forced me to stay on my knees as I scrambled. A swift knee to my stomach and ribs wiped the smile off my face but not the glare. He grabbed for a pair of rusty handcuffs he had on him and bent my arm further to force me to comply. A cry died in my throat as I swallowed it down. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. He slapped one of the cuffs onto my left wrist and squeezed so that the metal dug into my skin. He then dragged me by them and stood me up. I tried kicking at him or biting but every retaliation I gave him was another wound or bruise on my body. His hits were deadly and accurate. Every time he would strike, it knocked the wind out of me. He cuffed me to the top of the open barred door. My hands stretched, wrists getting cut by the metal cuffs. Toes aching from trying to hold up my weight and not slip on the brain matter that covered the floor here. Still, I glared at him.

     I could take the punches, the lashings, the kicks, the burns and occasional drag of the blade against my skin. I had become desensitized to most of it by now. I kept reminding myself this isn’t torture. This is punishment. I knew he could do so much worse if he wanted to. He could cut my tongue out if he wasn’t fond of it. He’d cut my fingers off one by one until there were none left and then switch to my toes. Cut my achilles so I could never run away again. There were so many things I knew he was capable of. _This will pass. This will pass. This will pass._

     And he did just that. He beat me and giggled until I no longer responded. “Nice of you to come see the show! You missed the opening act but your just in time for the finale!” I spit out some blood and looked up past the bars as Ehren spoke. “You can clean up the mess I’m making once I’m finished.” Ehren was gritting his teeth in a proud grin.

    My vision was hazy and the one eye had swollen shut. I blinked until my vision cleared as good as it was going to. I recognized who he was talking to. A sharp pain emanated inside me. It wasn’t from a wound or Ehren. It was my own bodies reaction to the realization. _Hancock… fuck._ I didn’t want him to see me like this. I didn’t want him to do something stupid. I was terrified and for once… humiliated. Never once had I cared what these fuckers saw but when it came to someone that did matter…? Someone that was on my side and just yesterday was massaging worked up nerves out of my back? It was devastating. I felt like what little walls I had been able to build up shatter like glass around me. I shut my eyes to hide my distress. I tried to pretend he wasn’t there to witness what Ehren had planned. What exactly did he have planned? Beating the shit out of me wasn’t the worst of it?

     I spit more blood out to breathe better and to avoid swallowing more of it. Whatever it was he had planned, I wasn’t going to die from this. This is temporary. Ehren won’t kill me, if that is what he wanted he would of done it by now. It will pass as it always has. I let that mantra consume me. _This will pass. This will pass. This will pass._ I felt Ehren’s cold hands on me. Ghosting my bruised and beaten skin. A whisper wormed its way into my ear. “If you think this is pain… you’re in for a rude awakening. I’m going to show you a pain you aren’t used to. Remember Naiema… you did this to yourself.”

     Before I could think of what he could mean, my clothing was being cut and ripped from my legs. I was being fully exposed to everyone that was in the bar. Ehren wasn’t one for sharing so this was new. I hoped Hancock wasn’t watching. A blush crept onto my pained face. I tried to will it away but the humiliation was too much. I heard Ehren unzip his fly and spit. “You ever going to learn your lesson? Be a good bitch for once? Or are you still holding onto the hope that your getting out of here alive?” Ehren spoke from behind me.

     He chuckled at my silence. “I own you. You always seem to forget that you’re **mine**.”

     “Fuck you…” was all I replied.

     “Wrong answer.” He said low with his baritone voice.

     He gripped my hips and tried to align himself with me. _How uncreative._ I started thrashing to resist him as best as I could. I could feel the metal cuffs cut into flesh. I did a good job of keeping him off of me until I felt a hand on the collar and a quick jerk. I froze as the collar was unbearably tighter and choking me. I could feel the inner workings of the collar hum against my pulse. With his hand wrapped around my neck and the collar, he pulled himself close. I stilled as I struggled for air. Then… I realized what he meant about “a new kind of pain.” I expected him to fuck me hard like he usually did… but he had other plans. He aligned himself with my ass and pushed in. “No!” I choked out and coughed as he entered.

     “Stop! PLEASE! I’ll be good! I swear!” I screamed and pleaded as my eyes flew open. All thoughts of not giving him the satisfaction flew out the window as I felt like I was being ripped apart. Only blurred shapes and tears filled my vision. I felt my ass begin to stretch. A new kind of burn. It was excruciating and intense. I hate to admit him being right but he had indeed found something I wasn’t desensitized to.

     “Too late for that, but I’ve always liked to hear you beg….” He moaned to me as he didn’t wait for the stretch or burn to dissipate. He slammed into me as hard as he could, thrusting without remorse. I couldn’t help it but I struggled and tensed up, the pain was too great. I tried not to whimper or cry. _Breathe. Try to Breathe. This will pass. This will pass. This will pass._ Eventually, I adjusted and the only noise that could be heard was Ehren’s grunting and the slapping of the handcuffs on the metal barred door.

 

* * *

 

     No amount of chems can dull this kind of pain or make me forget what I’m witnessing. Nothing can calm this kind of anger or quell this kind of nausea. My thoughts are mostly blank besides the same three thoughts running rampant, over and over. The first, wanting to stab every fucking piece of shit here. Slide the blade against their jugular and watch the blood spill. Besides that, my thoughts went from fighting the temptation of saving Naiema this very moment to if my sister had ever been treated like this. I could only watch “the show” for a moment before I felt like I was going to be sick. Crazy how quick your views change when it’s someone you care about. I’ve seen this song and dance multiple times. Maybe not as brutal or savage but it never made my blood boil as much as it was seeing Naiema strung up like this. Being used for whatever sick pleasure Ehren could conjure up.

     I fought myself to leave and make my way upstairs instead of going on a rampage. Tried to hide the tremors of rage that racked my body. If I did something now, the whole pan we had would crumble in a matter of seconds. I know that’s why she didn’t want me to take out that fucking low life. He would have been easy pickings. When he laid hands on her… I almost lost it. Now she is getting worse because I didn’t. My mind is made up and I could care less if I’d get hell for disobeying orders. The box would be preferable than to watch what was going to happen to her and I refused to watch this unfold any longer. I felt guilty as I climbed the stairs. Guilt for seizing this chance as an opportunity to break into Ehren’s room instead of help her in her current situation. The “entertainment” downstairs would distract the dogs long enough to get in and out quickly. If I was going to find anything useful to her, it would be in his room.

     As I made my way quietly down the hall to the big suite that was Ehren’s, I could hear Naiema screaming. I flinched and held my breath. She had fared well up until now. I didn’t want to think of what he could possibly be doing to her. I had enough images and sounds burnt into my mind that could last a lifetime. I cleared my head the best I could and focused. I neared the door and with shaking fingers began to tamper with the lock. The door was easy to lock pick even with a bobby pin. I’d never seen the inside of this room and was glad. Whatever body fluid, trash, or used chem you could think of littered the floor and surfaces. Blood, semen, needles and shit but no telephone. No Bunsen burner. It was obvious he never stayed in here. Just a place to do the nastier side of his business and stash his possessions. Well his inanimate possessions.

     As quickly as possible, I scanned the room. I was careful to put things back exactly as they were if I had to move them. A heavy steel safe sat in the corner with stacks of stained and ripped papers sitting on top of it. I b-lined for it and stuck my ear to the safe door. Eventually it shifted open. It took me a little too long to pop the thing open for me to be comfortable. _Rusty as all hell._ _00-20-30. He really isn’t that bright…_ Inside was a small lockbox, more papers that seemed to be ledgers and slave papers. Some ammunition and a huge bag of caps. As tempted as I was to take the bag, it would lock the whole place down as soon as Ehren found out it was missing. Luckily the lockbox was left unlocked. I slowly opened the box and listened for any kind of spring trap. Nothing. I exhaled in relief and looked inside. More caps and… _Bingo._ I lifted the other collar Naiema had told me about out of the box cautiously. I placed it in my duster pocket and began to search for the instructions. Ehren may not be the brightest in a lot of things but he was still a man I would never underestimate. He was clever enough to not put all his eggs in one basket. It’s why he never dumped all his assets into one brothel.

     The minutes ticked by and still no instruction manual. I resisted the urge to sigh with frustration and went to work on locking everything back up. As soon as that job was done I noticed Naiema’s screams had died down. _Time to go._ I briskly walked to the door. As I did, I noticed a piece of burnt paper flutter to my feet as I passed by his fireplace. My brisk pace had disturbed the air, revealing more burnt paper in the pit of the fireplace. I picked up the piece at my feet. _Blank._ I turned to the fireplace and began picking pieces out. _Bright enough to burn things he doesn’t want people to see._ One had some words that didn’t make sense without context. Another had parts of a diagram on it. I swiped my finger over it to clear some of the smudged ash. _“Battery.” “Chip.”_ It seemed to describe parts to some sort of mechanism. Determined to discover what this mechanism was, I began to pick through the burnt and ashy pieces of surviving paper with haste. My eyes quickly surveyed over the pieces as I picked them out until my worst fear came to life. _“Bomb Collar E-37…”_ The rest was burnt off. I drew in a shaky breath. _Fuck… she was right and I wish she wasn’t._ This was exactly what she needed and he burnt it to ash so no one, no… so Naiema wouldn’t be able to find it. I threw the other pieces half hazardly and kept the important one.

     The thought of her reminded me that I needed to get the fuck out of here. Shit, they might even kill me after this if I got caught. I made my way to the door and hesitated a moment. The door’s lock was a double sided dead bolt. _God damnit…_ I peeked out into the hall. No one yet but I could hear the shuffling of footsteps. I quickly stepped out of the room and closed the door. I turned to try and relock the door since I couldn’t from the inside. However, locking a door with a bobby pin is a lot harder than unlocking one. “HANCOCK!” A shout resonated up the stairs.

     I decided to abandon the damn door in favor of not getting caught. Everyone here was trying to get a piece. Ehren knew that. If I kept my head down maybe I wouldn’t be the first to be suspected. Maybe Ehren would have a lapse in judgment and think he forgot to lock the door. _Doubt it…_ It isn’t in the man’s genes to be careless when it comes to his well-being. _We’ll see about that…_

     I rushed down stairs to where we kept some of the cleaning supplies. Maybe even a little over-eager to do my chores as bitchboy. I was stopped by Ehren. The man was disgusting and vile as I met his eyes. His shit eating grin was from ear to ear. _How I’d like to cut your mouth open ear to ear._ “I thought ghouls had a great constitution!? What? Couldn’t handle a little bit of blood?” He said harshly.

     I usually never respond but I felt my voice betray my set of rules. “No. I just know my place.” _It’s by Naiema’s side when she tears you to pieces._

     For the first time since I’ve been here, I heard the man give out a hearty laugh. “You know the drill then? Clean this shit up and get Mags to…” He didn’t have to finish his sentance. He just waved his hand in the direction of Naiema. I made it a point to not look in her direction until now. I never liked seeing the girls getting broken in. Never. Especially not the after math and especially not her. My face paled as I got an eye full of her. Luckily Ehren had already brushed passed me. Despite being a ghoul, my dismay was obvious. I’m sure I turned every shade of ghost. Had to be. There was no hiding my reaction. My eyes trailed from her hands to her limp and blood covered arms. The rusty cuffs had cut into her wrists. My eyes traced down to her limp and beaten body. She wasn’t conscious. I sucked in a breath and held it as I approached. “Here. You’ll need these to get her down.” I heard from behind me.

      I jumped out of my skin and whirled around. Ehren. Fucker was watching me and had a knowing smile. He tossed me the keys to the cuffs and I caught them with ease. I decided to think about the consequences of my actions later and turn my focus on helping Naiema. I took careful and well-placed steps next to her so I didn’t slip on the blood and cum. I took her limp body into one arm and raised her up so the tension was no longer on the cuffs. With quick hands I unlocked one cuff, her full body weight straining my shoulder and arm now. Keys still in hand I wrapped my other arm under her naked legs and lifted her. I looked over her to see how extensive the wounds were, ignoring the intimate and uncovered parts of her. I held her close as I carried her to her bed. She whimpered as my steps jostled her. “Joh… John…” she croaked quietly.

     “Shh… You’re safe now. It’s over and I’m here.” I whispered in her blood caked hair. “Just relax alright, kitten? He fucked you up real good.” I cringed at my choice of words.

     She didn’t respond and seemed to be out cold again. I laid her body on her bed and unlocked the other cuff. New blood bubbled up where the cuffs had rested. I didn’t walk to get Mags. I ran.

 

* * *

 

     I’m not sure when I blacked out. Don’t remember getting stitches or bandages. I don’t recall when Hancock cleaned up all of mine and the raider’s blood. The floor still stained but no longer a mess of gore. Ehren’s mess. In fact, I haven’t seen Hancock yet. I wasn’t sure I could face him right now. I tried to get off the bed to examine my wounds but fell to the floor. The bandages around my wrists came into view as I tried to lift myself of the ground. Everything burned and hurt. It was hard to breathe. A thousand knives twisted inside me. I just laid there on the cold floor and slowly tested every limb I had.

     I tried to fight Ehren off me the first two nights after that but he always won. No time to recover and no strength to keep him off of me. He could do anything he wanted while that remote to my collar was in his hands. He was rougher than when he first started taking advantage of me but not as rough as my most recent punishment. He left bruises, whelps and cuts on my body on top of all the others he had already littered on my skin. I began to look more like a corpse than a victim of abuse. When he was drunk, he didn't care about preserving me. He only focused on his savage needs. When he wasn't drunk he would try to shower me in affection. It made me sick all over again and I struggled to keep it together. Plans were in motion and soon I'd either be free or dead.  _Just a little longer..._

     The nights I used to spend with Hancock became filled with violence and grotesque acts of what Ehren called "love making." With Ehren around, it was almost impossible to even get a moment alone with Hancock. I’d seen him around a couple of times but briefly. We knew the plan but I still worried about his progress. I had to get out of here. He had to get out of here and it was my fault he was even still here. I would pass my spare chems to Mags to give to him and many times I was tempted to pass the letter as well. I decided I was going to give it to him myself as soon as I saw him. Explain it to him. Fuck my fears, I trusted him. I had to... I missed him... I missed his toothy grin that reminded me of Angel. I missed his quick wits, sarcasm and the intelligent conversations we used to have. I miss the trance he could put me in as I watched him flick his knife in his hand with precision. I missed the warmth of having a friend. I missed the warmth of his hand when I grazed it while passing him the Jet or a lighter. Ehren eventually banished Mags from the second floor as well. Ehren said she was a _“bad influence”_. She caught a beating when she tried to come up to make sure I was okay after he forbade her. Everyone could hear how rough he was on me and if they didn’t… they could see it plainly on my face. _Just a little longer..._

 

**.....**

 

     It’s been two weeks since my punishment. As promised, the code box was replaced and mounted on the opposite wall. The electric line running across the ceiling to it. The line full of copper and mostly out of reach. I knew Ehren put it there so I could see the code be punched in but could never reach it. It was just another way to torture me now that I was no longer allowed to leave the cage under any circumstance. The raiders wouldn’t even talk to me anymore. To add insult to injury, he kept the code the same as it had always been. _0203._ Some of the cuts and bruises began to fade. Cracked ribs feeling less like hot irons. It would seem Ehren is over his destructive phase towards me for the past couple of days. A welcomed reprieve. I never saw Hancock around anymore though. I longed for him. I tried not to but I couldn’t help myself.

     He may not have been around to my knowledge, but he knew what was going on. He had obviously kept tabs on Ehren's movements throughout the brothel. A few more days had passed with no sign of him but the first night Ehren didn't pass out in my room… He was there. Hands on the bars of my prison and staring at me with a wild look. "Nai..."

     I got out of bed and hobbled over to him. I placed my hands over his on the barred door and looked him in the eyes. The warmth that resonated from his skin overwhelmed me and I felt the need to cling to it. He looked so worried and pained. "Im alrig..." I began to whisper.

     "The fuck you are! Look at you..." he hissed as quiet as his anger would let him. He began to tremble and released his grip from the bar. I let my hands fall and he refused to look at me now that he got an eye full of the lingering aftermath. Even in the dark, I imagine I still looked messed up. I was ashamed that I didn't put up more of a fight against Ehren, especially after he strung me up. I had cuts here and there, bruises littered my skin, I still had one purplish and yellow eye, a busted lip and a gash over my left eyebrow. It was still scabbed over but liked to pop open on occasion. There was a list of damage my body hasn’t been allowed to recover from. There was more that spread across the expanse of my body but were covered by clothes or bandages. Like the cigarette burn under my right breast. "Look, I've been trying to get Mags to get this to you or at least get a message to you. It’s impossible to get up here myself theses day. They’ve been watching me. I got some informati..." He began to say as he pulled out the other bomb collar. My eyes lit up like nuclear bombs.

    “I know we are on borrowed time here but I have something for you as well. It’s just as important.” I interrupted him and he looked baffled. “There is something I’ve been meaning to share with you…” I said as I slowly walked backwards from him. After a few steps of judging his reaction I ran to the box and retrieved the letter. I rushed the bars again and shoved it into his hands. He handed off the bomb collar in exchange. It’s weight heavy in my hands. It seemed deactivated. “The fuck is this?” He asked with curiosity.

     “It’s from your sister…” I whispered to him as I leaned against the bars. I studied his face and waited or his reaction. I longed for his forgiveness and acceptance.

     “What…?” His reaction wasn’t what I anticipated. He looked at me aggressively like I had swung at him or I was playing a bad joke on him.

     “Read it when you can…I can explain…”

     He began to unfold the letter as if he could read it in the dark. Maybe he could. I never asked him how his night vision was as a ghoul. Perhaps it was just disbelief. “Better start fucking talking, kitten….” He warned, his anxious fingers fumbling with the letter.

     "Hancock! What the hell is this man?” It was the raider from the vault. The one who held my remote detonation when it wasn’t in Ehren’s hands. We both froze and stared at each other, eyes blown wide. The only movement made was Hancock pocketing the letter with skilled hands before the raider could see.

     “Trying to get Ehren's wife to like you? Or was that a threat I heard? What? She manipulate you like she has everyone else that’s tried to help her? Come on buddy... you should of known better. She’ll betray you as soon as she gets what she wants.” He was chuckling now and shaking his head. He approached Hancock slowly. I cringed at being called “Ehren’s Wife.”

     “She’s even quicker to backstab you if she can’t get what she wants. You remember all the brain matter you’ve had to clean up in front of this door, right?" He went to put his arm over Hancock's shoulder to walk him away. Hancock shrugged him off before he could and stood his ground. While the man was distracted with Hancock I carefully hid the collar on my persons. I could feel the awkward shape stab into my back as it was stuffed into my waist band.

      "Awe, come on! Did you really think someone could ever give a fuck about that meat bag of a face...?" Before either of us could react, the raider sent his fist into Hancock's stomach. Hancock doubled over and glared at the man. 

     Hancock tackled him and began punching the lights out of the raider's skull. He was strong. Stronger than he looked. The raider got a good left hook on him making Hancock back off. They both got to their feet to continue fighting each other. Hancock’s hand was moving for his hidden knife. "No!" I squeaked without thinking. I knew Hancock could win but if he did... What then? The whole plan went to shit. If anyone heard the commotion they’d be on us in seconds. The man he was about to attack held the remote to my life. Either way… We would all be dead.

     "Wait until Ehren hears about this. It’s about time we took out the trash." The raider said as he smirked and spit blood at Hancock. He then wiped the blood off his lip and came over to my door.

     "I couldn't agree more." Hancock circled him at first. Ready to attack again if he needed to. He backed away upstairs eventually. His eyes flashed to mine before he disappeared. I couldn't read him. Couldn’t see in the shadows of the night. I grew terrified. _He will certainly leave me behind now… As he should._

     "You alright sweetheart?" The raider questioned. He actually seemed concerned about me.

     "I'm fine..." I felt disgusted more than relieved. He was concerned I was talking to Hancock but not about what Ehren was doing to me? "What's going to happen to him?" I asked.

     "Ehren will probably put him down or put him in the box. Except, this time I don't think he’s gonna let him out. Hah... especially after I tell him how bad you two crossed the line tonight. The assface has been sneaking around lately and avoiding orders. Now this? Should of known you’d have something to do with it." he snickered. "No worries though, sweetheart. I won’t tell Ehren about your end of things for the right price. As for Hancock? That thing's had a long time coming."

     Without even thinking I propositioned him. His face lit up and a huge smile showed off his gnarled teeth and wrinkled face. He unlocked the door and stepped into my room. I heard the familiar sound of a fly unzipping and I got on my knees. I couldn’t let him touch me in fear he’d find the other bomb collar on me… so a distraction and pleading was in order. A distraction for my life and a plea for Hancock’s.

 

**.....**

 

     I knew I was taking a risk but I didn't care. I didn't know how far I could go before the collar's alarm would go off and the inevitable happened. I still didn't care, I just hoped he was still alive and that my collar would at least warn me when I was approaching proximity. He had been out there for three weeks without water. I had to fray wires close to my cage to get out and there was no locking the door back. It was a guarantee I would be punished for it and questioned.

     I heard wheezing as I approached the three metal rectangles they called "the boxes." I slowed and investigated with caution. Then I saw his face poking out of one of them. I could barely see him in the dark but what I could see wasn't good. He looked like he was in so much pain. His body was hidden in the metal box but his face was sun burnt all to shit. Blisters now forming over the scarred skin. The way the rips and tears of his sunken in flesh was abnormally beat red even for his ghoulish standards. He looked like he had been skinned and left there to die. I quickly rushed over to him and whispered loudly. "Hancock!"

     "Wha...? Hahahahaha... the hell you doing out here? You want your head to explode off your shoulders?" His voice was weak but he gurgled out a laugh. I was so happy to see him alive. Ghouls really are resilient. I pushed the canteen of water I brought with me to his cracked lips. He drank like a wild dying dog. "Easy... easy..." I cooed at him. I touched his face briefly to wipe some of the water off and he flinched away. Spitting some of the water out of his mouth and onto me. "Fuccck!!!!!" He growled angrily.

     "Shit! Fuck! Sorry!" he looked more pained then when I first approached him. “Can you not stomach the water?!” I asked panicked.

     "It’s aight.” He slurred. “Just my nerve endings... Another story for another time... You got any MedX?" He looked at me and wet his lips with his newly hydrated mouth. His eyes were longing and desperate.

     "Yea... I have some on me. I figured if you weren’t dead you’d need a fix. First, drink all this. You've been out here for three weeks." I shuffled to put the canteen back to his mouth. Being careful not to touch him this time as he drank slower.

     "Three weeks? Damn... I lost track of time out here." He looked at me as I grabbed the MedX syringe out of my pocket. "You look like shit, kitten."

     "Look who's talking." I smiled at him and slowly placed the MedX into his neck. Just like Dr. Haines had done to me so many times with the vaccines. His grimace made my heart drop but it was the only clear vein I could see in the dark. I pushed the tab in and his face went to immediate relief.

     "Hoollyyyy fuuucckk.... thank you... thank you...” He sighed out and squeezed his eyes shut. He continued his “thank you” mantra until the MedX syringe was empty.

     He slowly opened his eyes and looked to me again. “You're fucking crazy you know that? Crazy fucking stupid." he croaked out and then chuckled. It baffled me that he could be in this fucking jerky locker and still be so damn cocky and cheerful.

     "I’ll try to bring you as much water as I can when I can. Had to break my door to get out here… I don't know how much longer they plan to keep you locked in this fucking can." I said as I fumbled with the lock on the box. It was a pretty hefty lock. One I couldn’t pick even if I had the tools or bobby pins to do it. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed. The main goal was to break him out. His eyes darted to mine. Something was wrong.

     "Ohoo… you know exactly how long they are keeping me out here. Or you did until you realized they had no intentions of keeping up their end of the deal." He was no longer smiling. 

     I stayed silent. I dropped the lock and it lightly slapped the side of the metal box. I looked at him and swallowed hard. Yea. I knew... _I had to bargain for his life_ _._

     When the lock hit the box, he tensed up like another spike of pain hit him and then he growled out the words. "Heh... You didn't think he wouldn't tell me about how you spared my life? How you negotiated my terms of punishment and avoided your own? About how good your lips felt around his dirty cock? How you manipulated him? Funny now isn’t it? How he manipulated you. How does that feel?” He never broke eye contact with me and grew angrier the more he spoke. “Jesus Naiema! I would have rather died than put you through that! You of all people should have realized that ain’t the man I am. At least I thought you knew... I thought I knew you…”

     “Hancock.” I tried to reason with him.

     “You fucking like it here don’t you? You like manipulating people and playing sick games. Why else would you have come back here after being free for so long?”

     “Hancock…” I said again but as a warning.

     “I always wondered why I gave a fuck about you in the first place... You’re no better than the fucking lowlifes here! You fucking lied to me… for… for weeks! Where is she Naiema?! Where the fuck is Anya and how the fuck did you get a letter from her that was addressed to me?? Did you know her!? Is that why you fucking shut me out until I agreed to help you?” He was lashing out now. Trying to get free of his enclosed metal cage to rip me apart.

     I went silent again and could feel the blood rush to my head. _He doesn’t understand…_ _no…_ A heavy and dark weight settled into my brain. A voice like my own echoed through my mind. It’s words cold and bitter but comforting with darkness.

     _Serves you right._ _He should look at you differently. You kept his dead sister a secret and you are no better than the whores here. You’ll die a long slow lonely death now. Your only shot out of here and the only friend you had… gone. You deserve this… I deserve this…_

 _There are other means of escape._ I looked to the empty MedX syringe in my hand.

     "Cat caught your tongue Vaultie?" he mocked.

     "The fuck did you just say to me?" My mouth said in a darker tone than usual. _He knows… how long has he known?_

     "Aww come on, kitten. I'm sure if a miracle happened and we got out of here you'd tell me eventually. Just like you were going to eventually tell me about my sister?" he was being fucking sarcastic now. I had enough. The more he provoked the more this new comforting darkness sank into my bones. Coercing me to give in and give up. I came out here and risked my life to give him some damn water and his fucking chems so he would survive. So I could survive.. _. All that’s over isn’t it? Just some screwed up vaultie with a death wish ever since she realized the world wasn’t sunshine and rainbows._

     I stood over him and glared at him hard. The words just poured out like venom. "We had a fucking deal… You think I could just sit there and watch the only shot I have out of here die? Tell you that your sister is dead so you can take off and leave ME here to die!? Is that what you wanted to hear?? I… I… I’ll die in here without you’re help! More people will die if we don’t bring Ehren down!” I didn't mean some of those words. The way I said it. Like he was a means to an end and that was it. That may have been slightly true at first but that wasn't the case anymore. I cared about him. His words were hurting me, slicing like Ehren's nails through my skin. Still, he didn't deserve that. He didn't have to help me at all and yet here he was. In this fucking hot box because of me and my selfishness.

     "I'm... I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I wanted to tell you sooner… I want to help you…"

     “So… she’s dead…?” He said quietly and unnervingly reserved compared to his behavior moments ago.

     I took in a big breath and sighed the words out. “Yes.”

     He was quiet for a moment then he suddenly started chuckling. Like his sister’s death is the funniest thing in the world. It was like someone flipped the switch on and off with him. He laughed and howled like he was insane. Staring at me with this crazy twisted grin. _He’s gone fucking crazy… He’s going feral… I did this to him._ His eyes were wide and his voice a terrifying growl. "Fuck off, Naiema. I knew from the start you were using me. BUT GUESS WHAT?! That shit you want!? Ain’t here! It cost caps we don't have. Even if we got the caps, there isn't anyone who sells that crap for miles. That information you want? Doesn't exist anymore! He burnt every page he got from that place! You’re stuck here, sunshine! I wonder what he will do when he finds out you have the other collar!" he kept howling and laughing.

     I turned my back on him. Took off towards the brothel. Full sprint away from him. I didn't want to hear his mocking cackle and cruel words anymore. "Fuck em." I muttered to myself. He could rot out there for all I cared now. I'd find a way to free myself and take this place down.

     _Just like the raider said. You are more than willing to betray someone if you can’t get what you want._

 _Shut up._ The thought of getting as fucked up as possible on the stronger chems seemed more desirable than ever. Anything to shut my mind up and take the pain of losing away. _Comfort in the darkness._

 

**.....**

 

     I never did find another way to free myself. All this time here I had spent calculating every possible way to escape and/or bring this place down. Nothing. I came here with the false impression it would be easy to take this whole place down. All it took was a slave collar to change everything. There was no way to escape without an outside influence. No way to take this place down completely without blowing myself up. So I waited for an opportunity. Waited for something. Anything. Too much of a coward to end my own life in a fantastic way. I guess part of it was because I’d be killing innocent lives. That this wasn’t the only place Ehren owned and it would never stop with one ticking time bomb taking down a meaningless structure.

Instead of fighting back or “manipulating” people, I spent my time shooting up the MedX I had saved up for Hancock. It was a rush at first but then it became a need. Needed it to calm my mind. Needed it for the beating I got for fucking with my door again. The beatings that didn’t stop. Med X numbed all the pain.

     Eventually I stopped caring. Forgot why I even walked into this place. Couldn’t think clearly enough to be the hero I wanted to be. To get the revenge that used to plague me. The only thing I started caring about was the nice warm feeling of MedX in my veins. I wanted it all to fade away. I wanted to die. What better way than how Hancock's sister had, right? No one else gets hurt by my hand and the numb of it was intoxicating. _The world can sort its own problems._

     I didn't want to feel Ehren's rough hands anymore. I didn't want to hear the backboard of the bed slam against the wall anymore. I didn't want to feel his fists crash across my face when I didn't react to his _“affections”_. I didn't want to hear the repetitive music the brothel below played. No more thoughts of the vault. No more memories of Angel. No more memories of Hancock... I had left him out there in the box with all the time in the world to think about his dead sister.

     _Fuck I'm sorry…_

     _No you aren’t._

_I am! I am… I am… I’m sorry…. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…_

     I stopped eating and would lie in bed all day chemed out of my fucking mind. I didn't know how many days, weeks or months had passed since I found my new lifestyle. Everything blurred together except one thing. Overdosing. Ending it. That was the new plan. I deserved this plan. It’s a good plan.

     It was the middle of the night and I was sure there was no way I could still be alive much less awake. My vision swam as I heard a soothing voice. One I haven’t hear in what felt like forever but there he was. Arms across his chest and his back against the wall. He looked so casual. "Nai... what the hell have you done?" 

     I rolled over in the bed and put my back to him and closed my eyes again. "Fuck off, Hancock. Let me die in peace."

     He crawled into bed beside me. Staring at me. He brushed the hair off my face and behind my ear. His touch burned on my skin. Like a mixture of acid and pin needles. The first thing I’ve felt in days… weeks… months…? "Why'd ya have to go chasing dragons without me, kitten?" Everything was so hazy and his voice sounded like it was slowed down, demonic almost. My vision was going black and his face was melting into a pool on the bed. _Time to sleep. Sleep feels nice._

    "Naiema! Wake the fuck up!" I heard his voice grind in my ear like screeching and rusted metal. His hand struck my face and my eyes flicked back open against my will. They were so heavy. I just wanted to close them. I felt a sharp pain in my arm and then my veins burned like lava. He grabbed at me and tried to restrain me. I hissed and tried to push him away. _Why is the numbness gone?!_ My body felt like jello and the hazy goo my brain had become started to clear. "Why are you hurting me!? I trusted you! We were in this together you fucking... MONSTER!" His eyes were glowing red and everything seemed to vibrate. Like ripples were distorting my vision. The building shaking. My head erupting in pain.

     He was staring at me. His mouth was shut but I could hear his laughing again. That gravely maniacal laugh he made in the box. The pain throughout my body was worse than the radiation vaccines when I was a kid. Worse than when Deacon dug the bullet out of my arm. Worse than that fucking Yao Guai. Worse than Ehren. Nothing made sense anymore and I was terrified now that I could feel again. A ringing in my ears formed and became ear piercing. I could feel my heart pump with fervor for the first time since I started using. _Hancock is killing me... why why why why._ I felt my eyes strain to the back of my head. The pain was too much. Everything went dark again.

 

**.....**

 

     I woke up startled. I sat straight up in bed, which was a mistake. My head was pounding and so was my heart. I could still hear the ringing in my ears. My skin was slick with sweat. The light that poured into the room was too bright. It sent waves of nausea and pain through me. I went to cover my eyes with my arm. That's when I saw the bruised track mark. It wasn't from me... Wasn't the same arm I'd shot up in. Not from the MedX. There was a bag of Addictol laying on the floor with a bloody IV.  _What..._  I looked around. My eyes focused and adjusted to the light. Everything was clear for once. My chem haze was lifted. No more numbness and I could hear my own thoughts with pristine clarity now. Then flashbacks flicked through my head depicting my bad trip. Each one felt like it was piercing my skull as it played out my intentional overdose. I pressed my hands to my face as if it was going to block out the pain or memories.

 

 

>      _He was there... Hancock. He was out of the box. He was alive. I clawed and bit at his ripped and blistered flesh as he tried to get the IV in me. I had hallucinated he was some sort of demon trying to rip my body apart. Fucked up beyond belief on the trip of a lifetime. However, none of that hallucination or dream seemed true no matter what my eyes told me. I was ODing. I knew that. I did it on purpose. I could feel the foam dripping from my mouth and my eyes felt strained. All I wanted was to close them and drift off into the comforting blackness that began to swallow me. Follow the sweet voice that had lulled into my head as of recent. I didn't want to live but it seemed he wasn't going to give me a choice. His eyes... they were intense and terrifying "I'm sorry Nai... I’ll be back for you. I promise." I felt my body seize with pain and I felt the darkness crawling closer except this time there was no comfort to be found._

 

I remember the words with an impossible clarity. The last words he said to me as the addictol cleared my blood of chems.  _"I promise."_ I had a bad taste in my mouth and I felt bile forcing its way up my esophagus. I puked all over myself and the bed. I'm sure I looked like a psychopath to the guard. I looked up at him with a huge smile, vomit all over my face, and fire burning in my veins.  _Fuck me. This must be what it feels like to be reborn. A second chance I don’t deserve._

     Like a phantom, he had vanished. He saved my life and then vanished. Maybe it was a cruel joke. A punishment for hurting him or some kind of sick revenge. Regardless, there was a hunger I felt. If I was going to die or try to commit suicide. I might as well take as many of these fuckers out as I can in the process. Fuck the innocent lives that would be lost. The potential lives that could be saved outweighed the broken ones that already resided here.

     With the chems out of my system I felt this new sense of determination. Hancock saving my life gave me a new sense of worth. It put a price on my life and I wasn’t sure how to spend it. I started by reevaluating my situation by observation. After a couple of days of puking my life away, I started to piss Ehren off intentionally. I wanted to know how to fight against him. I'd get him so worked up he would swing at me. After the first few sluggers he graced me with, I started to learn his pattern. He threw all his weight into every punch. I stepped to the side and gut punched him. All the force of his swing landed his stomach right onto my fist. He heaved as I knocked the wind out of him. He came back immediately and slammed the back of his elbow into my jaw. The floor was cold as usual and felt nice on my face. I didn't move for now but tomorrow... I'd try again.

   I figured out I had been on a binge for a little over a month. I had no idea how long Hancock was in that box and I felt guilty. The idea that he even survived that long baffled me. The agreement I had made with my mouth was two weeks and hard labor. When I hadn't seen him a week after his time was up. I went looking for him. After that... I don’t really know how long he was shackled out there. I should have busted him out that night. I should have tried harder and explained everything. I let my emotions get the best of me. A mistake I will strive to not make again.

 

**.....**

 

     He hadn't come back like he had promised. It’s been close to another month since I tried to kill myself. I wasn't sure if Hancock’s words were my chem induced imagination or if he meant them. I overheard some slavers speak briefly about the night he left. 

 

 

> _"He fucking took off. I never thought he'd have the balls to do it." One of them spoke lowly._
> 
> _The other chimed in. "Especially after being in the box for so damn long."_
> 
> _“I wonder why he attacked Ehren’s little toy? Revenge for putting him in the box for so long?”_
> 
> _“It wasn’t an attack dumbass, people are saying he stopped her from overdosing on the chems. As if that would put him back into Ehren’s good graces. If he comes back here, I’d be more than happy to put a bullet in that disgusting abomination’s head.”_
> 
>  

It seemed like he escaped mostly unharmed and I wondered if he was okay out there in the wastes. _How did he like his freedom?_ I scoffed at myself and shook my head.

     I wasn't really sure what the hell I was doing at this point. I was either fighting for my next opportunity or I was fighting for nothing. Maybe a part of me was fighting for him to come save me. I’d be the first to deny the latter. He took the other collar when he left. Not sure how he found it but I’m grateful he did. I suppose I told him far too many of my secrets when we were close and the man was smart enough to figure the rest out. It didn’t take long for Ehren to discover that Hancock had stolen it. He interrogated me with more beatings but seemed to easily believe that I knew nothing about it and that I didn’t have it. His men were convinced Hancock stole it to get caps for chems. It was an easy enough story to fuel. I told a few of them that he was always trying to get chems from me. I felt guilty for tarnishing his name… but did it really matter to these people? They already thought the guy was a chump and a junkie. A dangerous mistake to make about Hancock but really? What was left to destroy when it came to something as stupid as reputation in a fuck house? Ehren wasn’t so easily persuaded by this theory, however. He knew something I didn’t and though he hasn’t said it… I’m sure he suspected Hancock or I would use it as a tool of destruction against the brothel. He hired a whole new herd of fuck ups to double security after the whole thing went down. This included extra security at my door. Either way, I was just glad to not be under fire or painful interrogation anymore.

     With that thought, I wiggled my fingers and toes fondly. I sighed as I looked in the broken mirror and then stood to go sit in my favorite arm chair next to the window. All morning I’ve been looking over my body. A sort of reminder I do with myself. The scar on my left brow wasn't fading. It split my damn eyebrow into two. The scar ran down to the crease of my eyelid. A permanent fixture of Ehren and his need to die. I looked over the newly acquired bruises and old ones that I had gained. They didn't seem to bring shame to me anymore. I fought for every one of them these past few weeks and gave Ehren a nice black eye before he left. He left yesterday for another slave pick up to be brought here. Word from Mags’ is he would only be gone a week at most but I still looked forward to the vacation.

      It had been raining for most of the morning. I had come to thoroughly enjoy it. Its soft thuds were relaxing and it made the wastes gleam in a different kind of beauty. Growing up in the vault, there was no such thing as rain. I knew it existed but I wanted to feel it touch my skin. I wanted to go out on to the balcony but Ehren had strict instructions that I wasn't to leave this room in his absence. That was fine. As long as I could rest a few days without his horrid breath down my back. I was as content as I was ever going to be here. I took a deep breath in and smelled the rain. I wondered if the rain always smelt like this? You know, before The Great War. It was a mix of irradiated earth, charcoal and something else I couldn’t put my finger on. It was fresh and life giving whatever it was.

     I broke my stare from the window and looked to the other side of the room where some of my decrepit books resided. The rain had slowed to a drizzle and light was breaking through the clouds. Something caught my eye as the sun danced across the floor. Something shiny glinted from under the bed. I looked around to see if anyone else could see what I was seeing. _Left over chem haze? Nah… shit’s been cleared out for weeks now._ I moved softly across the room as if to not tip someone off on my sudden curiosity and wrapped my fingers around cold plastic. I pulled the object out from under the bed when no one was looking. _A telephone? Had that always fucking been there?_ I picked it up feeling the cold and shiny plastic in my fingertips. _A gift from the gods?_ I felt a note stuck to the bottom. I pulled it off with delicate fingers. The folded paper simply read " _Kitten"_

 

* * *

 

 "Nai... what the hell have you done?" _This is my fault. I didn't mean to go feral on her when she came to my aid. I didn't mean for this to happen..._

I had come to apologize. Took me a couple of days out of the box to recover and come up with the words to say to her. Find the words to make amends. The box did fucked up shit to your head and she needed to know that. I needed her to know we were still on the same side. I didn’t expect to see her chemed out to the point she was barely breathing. _… and_ _left to die?_ There were no guards here to watch her. I ran as fast as I could down stairs.  _Mags!_   _She has to have some Addictol for her girls._ I barreled into the brothel. Raiders were looking at me funny as I sped past him. I swung the door open to the living quarters of Mags and her swans. Most of them were asleep until I rushed in. They all sat up alarmed. My eyes locked onto Mags. She was sitting in a chair with her leg crossed over the other smoking a cigarette and reading an old magazine. "Naiema..." I was out of breath. "She's ODing. I know you have addictol."

     Mags frowned deeply but then cocked her head to the side and smiled. "They’re going to kill you after this move, John." she pointed to a chest on the floor. “Take whatever you need.”

     I ran for it and opened it. It had a couple of guns, some other chems and one bag of addictol. I grabbed it, a needle, the IV line and a 10mm pistol with a box of ammo. "Good luck to you both, Hancock." Mag's said quickly. I approached her, planting a sloppy kiss on the cheek and dashed towards the door. Who knows if I’ll ever see her again.

     The door began to open slowly and I stepped to the side of it, out of sight. "Mags? That fucking ghoul trash bothering you and your...." I whipped the pistol at the raider's temple as hard as I could as he came through the door. His body jolted and then collapsed to the ground. Blood started seeping from his cranium. Some of the girls gasped while others smiled. One of the older girls with red hair moved quickly to drag the body further into the room while Mags carefully stepped over him and followed behind me with an eerie calmness. A few more raiders had guns pointed towards the door until they saw Mags. With their weapons lowered, I took off. If I didn't hurry Naiema and I were both dead. Mags may be able to buy me some time but it would be short lived and soon raiders would swarm the second floor. I’m sure it wouldn’t take much for them to be convinced to put a bullet in my head once and for all.

     I bolted up the stairs and ignored how much noise I was making. The dumbasses never changed the lock code to her door… just moved it. I left her door unlocked when I first discovered her condition and slung it open as soon as my hand could reach it. I rushed to her side on the bed and was once again baffled by the realization that no one was watching her. It was unusual. I didn’t even want to think of what Ehren would do to them when he discovered she had died on their watch. _I don’t want to see you die. I’m not going to let you die._ Her body had begun to convulse and her eyes were blown wide. They ticked from left to right as if she was spinning in circles. "Okay. Okay! I got ya kitten! Fuck… this is bad." I growled and tried to wrestle her arms to see which one was the least marked or if any of her veins had collapsed.

     She started fighting me as her eyes twitched and looked terrified. They were bulging out of her skull and her body strained. She began to dry heave, a body’s way of trying to get rid of the poison. I’d seen it so many times in the streets of Goodneighbor. I ripped open the seal on the bag and put the IV-line in. I attached the needle to the other end then leaned my body into her abdomen and shoulder. She began trying to buck me off as I seized her arm. "Why'd ya have to go chasing dragons without me, kitten?!" I said angrily as she pushed and shoved me.

     I got the needle in and pushed down on the bag hard. Her eyes drifted shut and I could feel her body relax. The opposite of what is supposed to happen when you introduce addictol to the blood stream. The shit burns real bad.

     _No no no no. Come on!_

"Naiema! Wake the fuck up!"I didn't want to but everything told me to. I slapped the shit out of her. Her eyes jerked back open and her back arched against me. _I can't let you die like this._ I squeezed the bag again and she forced all her weight to me.

     She started to claw and bite at whatever she could. Every strike she lashed out on me made my nerve endings scream. I powered through it and made sure she got as much of the stuff in her system as possible. "Why are you hurting me!? I trusted you! We were in this together you fucking... MONSTER!"

     Her words stung. Probably not as bad as the addictol in her veins but still… She was one of the few people in my life who had never called me that, Ghoul or not. At least she was talking, that was an improvement already. I held her down the best I could as I tried to get most of the addictol to force into her veins. Her arm will be wrecked after this for sure. She was a lot stronger than I anticipated and I was out of time. We both were. I could hear multiple feet shuffle awake to the commotion and screaming in her room. The balcony door flung open and revealed two startled raiders. _Ahh. There they are_. _Slacking while Ehren is gone and the girl is higher than a mushroom cloud._ I squeezed the bag one last time and released my hold onto her. I grabbed her hand that was digging its nails into my arm."I'm sorry Nai... I’ll be back for you. I promise."

   "Hancock!" one of the raider shouted. He raised his gun as I lifted myself off the bed. I rushed him and pulled the pistol out. Before he could react. _Click._ The bullet went into his neck. The next raider looked shocked as blood sprayed his face and torso. I ran up to him and shived him in the ear as hard as I could. My other hand naturally jerked his aiming arm away from me where he shot the ground twice. He was dazed, providing enough time for me to jerk the blade out of his skull and stab him in his vital organs a couple more times. The alarm sounded with the gunshot though. I could hear the raiders yelling to each other. I could hear fast footsteps rushing up and down the stairs to my location. I rushed to one of Naiema''s hiding spots in the room. Just like I had hoped, she had stored the bomb collar there. I took that and then grabbed the raider’s guns. I turned to the balcony as bullets began pegging the wooden walls as I kicked the door open.

     "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Shit!" I said to myself as I reached the railing.

     Bullets started pouring towards my direction.  _Jump. Risk it! Jump!_  My body took over and heaved itself over like I had done to so many corpses before. I growled as I hit the ground hard. I tried to roll but landed on my hip hard instead. I hissed as I stood and just kept running.  _Ignore the pain. It's what you're good at._  I could hear bullets hit the ground near my feet and some whiz by my head as I limped as fast as I could. Eventually I could only hear distant yelling and the sound of my two feet hitting the ground.

 

**.....**

 

     I ran like that for hours until I tripped on my own feet and collapsed. My body couldn't run anymore. The pain through my hip disabled me. I was heaving, trying to fit all the oxygen into my seared lungs as I could. Then it hit me...  _I'm free._  I smiled and turned over onto my back. I was looking up at the sky. The stars were slowly fading as the sun rose to take their place. When my body settled and started to recover, I thought of Naiema. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. I knew that much. She brought me water and MedX. Just enough to see me through. It may not have been pretty and she has plenty she needs to answer for… but I no longer had the weight of Anya on my shoulders. Naiema gave me that peace. At that realization, a sharp pang of guilt hit me. I had time in the box to mourn but to consider that my sister’s death brought me peace disturbed me. I began to wonder if that fuckface ‘Mayor McDonough’ would even care that his baby sister was dead. I imagine after she walked out of ‘his’ town with me. He stopped caring about either of us.

     I can't lie... at that moment I thought about just taking off and never going back to Montien. I could start fresh. Get back into the swing of things after going soft for so long. The more I thought about it the more disgusted with myself I became. I was just running like I always had. Naiema never ran. She always put every inch of her heart and determination into things. Like waltzing back to Ehren to destroy him instead of being a free woman. Like trying to kill herself... I knew she did it on purpose and man was she going for the big time.

     The stack of 8 MedX on her nightstand and bed told me she wanted it to end. I had taken her almost achieved peace away from her. Her chance to truly escape all of this world. I couldn't let her die though. She was meant for so much more than what she had been given. I couldn't handle it if she died and I was one of the reasons she gave herself the “okay”. That fucking box... the things it does to you. Every time I got stuck in there, I could feel myself getting closer and closer to my demise. Becoming a feral. My brain rotting away and reality slipping as my nerve endings screamed at me. I knew it wasn't the only reason I had said what I said to her. She manipulated me and she had degraded herself to save my life. I didn't know how to feel about it. I was grateful that she cared that much to save this old mug but... I hated envisioning her acts. Her blowing some nasty piece of shit low life to spare me. It tore my insides up. Every time I thought about it, I could only hear her screams from the night Ehren claimed her. I could only hear the screams she let out as Ehren put her on display and forced everyone to watch as he brutalized her. Memories burned in my head. I couldn’t watch her get beaten and I certainly couldn’t watch him rape her. I was there and I heard it all. I never helped her… I couldn’t help her. She asked me not to help her in those moments... But she did ask me to help her get out and take the bastards down.

     I didn't want to be the cause of that pain. I didn't want her to suffer because of me. Yet, she had and will continue to do so if I left her there. Just like Anya did.  _"....we were in this together you fucking... MONSTER!"_ I winced at the words and realized that she may not even be alive anymore. That I may have been too late on getting the addictol into her system. Regardless, I had made up my mind. If she was alive, I wasn't going to make her wait any longer for her freedom. If she wasn't.... well, I tried not to think about how stupid it would be running in there to save a dead body. I had to try though. She knew about Anya and she had saved my life. It’s time to return the favor and ask the hard questions.

 

**.....**

 

     I apparently passed out on the street where my body had crumbled. When I woke up I was surprised there wasn't a deathclaw gnawing on my leg. I hadn't really slept since before the box. As soon as they pulled me out, my two main focuses where the chems and her.  _Speaking of which..._ I could feel my skin begin its usual routine. First the pins and needles and soon it would be that burning sensation that crept through my bones. I needed to get more chems before I could help her.

     I began clearing out some nearby buildings of some pests. It was mainly radroaches, some molerats that had taken residence, and a couple of starving dogs that caught sent of the molerats. There were only a few ferals but they proved to be more difficult than I remembered. _Damn... I'm rusty..._  They were good target practice until I got the swing of things again. It had been so long since I was that shotgun wielding punkass. It made me a bit sick with myself that I was so far gone and in denial about things. All that time I had spent there thinking I was trapped and in reality, I wasn't. Why the hell I ever thought they would take good care of Anya, I’ll never know. It wouldn’t be the first time chems have clouded my judgment.

     I sat down next to a dead feral. Its glowing entrails spread about and on my boots. I pulled out one of the four remaining MedX I had found. The needle slid into my vein and I pushed the tab. I let the fantasy of walking in guns blazing and saving Naiema take over as my body relaxed. Just like all those times I had fantasized about doing the exact same for Anya. I let the opportunity pass me by and now she is dead. I don’t think I’m willing to let it pass me by again. I opened my eyes and sighed. I looked over at the dead feral and felt bad for the fucker. One day I'll be in his shoes. I unscrewed the lid to some water I had found. I took slow sips so I wouldn't get sick. Despite my new resolve, the box had done a number to my body.

     I walked for almost two full days after I got some food, water, and chems in my body. I was headed for HalluciGen Inc. Mag's had told Naiema that was where the bomb collars were from. If any information had in fact survived the bombs and the raiders, it would be there. If there was any left at the brothel. I would of found it by now. When I arrived, the building was in pretty good shape.  _So far so good._  I was wrong though… As I walked in there was bodies that had been mutilated. Then a voice came over loud speakers. I flinched and my hand gripped the haggard shotgun I found on my way here. "A chemical leak has been detected. Please evacuate the building immediately."  _Shit._  I continued down a hallway slowly. The place smelled awful... It was a mixture of death and what smelt like rotten mirelurk eggs. This was the moment I wished I still had my nose. At least then I could close it but instead it was exposed to the horrific smells. I heard a sneeze come from one of the rooms followed by "Fucking wizards..." I slowly crept up to the door and peeked in. There was a man sitting there on the floor next to some bodies. He seemed to be a typical raider. He raised his arm out to one of the bodies and giggled. Old blood seeped onto the floor. He was slicing off pieces of rotten flesh and muscle then eating it… raw.  _Holy shit..._  The man then looked up at me and his face turned into one of horror. He began screaming about wizards or some shit and came at me. I put a fast one into his leg and stopped him from getting near me. It was one of the craziest things I had ever seen outside of Montien. He crawled towards me. "The wizards made me do it... Please... I didn't want to hurt them. I’m so hungry… They won’t feed me."

     I put him out of his misery with a spray of bullets to the head. _Poor bastard..._ I scavenged trough several rooms only finding broken terminals and empty canisters of some kind of gas. There was beakers and bodies strewn about the place. I had no idea what I was looking for and the longer I stayed in that place, the more my head felt like it was swelling. My temples were pounding and I started growing agitated. I needed to leave but I couldn't without something to show for it. I made my way to a decent sized auditorium. It overlooked several rooms where more bodies showed signs of a struggle among each other. Some newish and plenty of pre-war bones. I went down the stairs to what seemed to be a laboratory. There were books on complex gasses and reports on one of the only working computers. I had thought about grabbing the books as a peace offering. Naiema liked to read but I figured the “Hallucigen Inc.” cover would only cause more trouble for her. The computer was dimly lit, the screen long worn out. The reports on the computer were mostly about some of the side effects to their non-lethal products. Their “failures” as they put it. It was some gruesome shit to read but worse were the pictures that went along with the reports. That was all I had to read before I wanted to high tail it out of there. Especially if I could be breathing in that shit. _Pre-War days are scarier than now in my opinion..._   The things they were doing here... it was no wonder they had bomb collars. Then... there it was. A bomb collar just chilling on a cabinet, shoved in a corner, hidden by books and other faded documents. "Oh damn! Here we go!" I trotted over to it and touched it with my scarred fingers. It was destroyed for the most part but it had a note under it. 

 

 

>      _"Whoever decided to accept the commission to alter our control collars to be rigged with an explosive, needs to be fired. I can’t see how it would benefit the product whatsoever. We are a non-lethal company not a military weapons company. I can't even begin to describe to you the dangers to not only the test subjects but the workers as well. People are losing the remotes to the collars. Billy blew his damn arms off as well as a patient's head trying to disarm one manually. The lawsuits are going to sky rocket beyond just Billy’s lawyers if this keeps up. We need to rework the damn wiring on the thing in case someone loses the remote again. So far I've got a prototype built but it isn't anywhere near complete. Instead of the release pin sending the device into self-destruct mode instantly, I rewired its main power from the battery to a bigger chip. I then programmed the chip to give them at least a minute before the explosive triggers. You must keep the pin in the release or it will skip the countdown. Once the collar has been removed you should be able to close the collar and end the sequence that initiates the self detonate code. I left the coding for tampering alone, as requested. Just don’t jostle the thing too much or it will register as “tampered_destruct.sequence04” The problem I'm having is getting the collar to deactivate once the collar is closed and the pin removed. They have to give me more time or more people are going to get hurt by this thing. Who the hell is paying for this type of machinery anyway? Aren’t guns a whole lot safer?"_

 

      The words began to jump around the page as I was reading it. _I need to get out of here._  I folded the note, put it in my pocket and started to head out of the building.  _A telephone eh? She's way smarter than she leads on to be._ I assumed she wanted the steel out of it to make a pin but I couldn't think of why she was so specific on the scrap she needed. Both the things she requested had copper in them and because of that they sold for a heavy amount of caps. Caps I didn't have and the route I took here was picked clean of telephones.  _"Johnboy?"_  I turned around to confront the noise. My sister’s voice echoed down the halls but there was nothing there. "Anya?" I said out loud. No response. _What the hell am I thinking? Anya is dead… unless_ … "JOHN!" another scream came out and I saw something cross the hallway with speed. "Come out motherfucker!" I started to slowly creep back down the hallway. I turned into the room I saw it go into and aimed my gun. Nothing. "What the hell...." I started back down the hallway towards the entrance. I knew what was happening. I was starting to hallucinate like the rest of the poor souls that got trapped here. The further I got down the hallway, the louder I heard Anya crying. Like she was trying to pull me deeper into the building. I ignored it and told myself it isn't her. It couldn't be but man did it fuck with me. As soon as I got out of the door, her crying stopped. As soon as I started making my way down the street I could feel my head clear and headache subside. I was beginning to worry the side effects were permanent but all symptoms seemed to fade with time. Lucky too. Some of those reports described permanent damage.

     Next stop, a small shithole named Goodneighbor. It was the closest place with a shop that would let my ghoul ass in. It had every kind of freak you could find in there. It was supposed to be a safe haven for ghouls, junkies and other misfits but conditions there were terrible. No one really wanted to go there and no one left because there was nowhere else for some of them to go. The mob boss of the town, Vic, let his goons run the place. Murdering, stealing and raping anyone they wanted. I had gone there sometimes for the good chem deals before Anya and I turned ghoul. I also lead a few families there after Diamond City kicked them out.  _Fucking piece of shit McDonough._ Eventually though... they disappeared and with them so did we. It was no place for families.

     After that, Anya and I went on a huge chem binge in her favorite brothel. She loved watching the girls dance while she was high.  _"Its like fire dancing on the top of a burn barrel." she said with soft eyes._ I have to admit, I used to enjoy it too. It was at that point that we had stumbled across this killer radiation chem. Man... that was the best high I ever had. It lasted for days. We both knew the potential consequences but did it anyway. The change your body makes when becoming a ghoul is… well… it isn’t pretty. I had accepted this new immortality with pride. I didn't have to look at the junkie coward's face in the mirror anymore. But Anya... Anya wasn't taking it well. She became depressed and starting using a lot more chems and mixing them. We parted ways for a while. I was running away from her depression. Didn’t understand her or know how to help her. Got into a bad gang, learned how to rough people up real good. When I got over myself, I found her at the brothel again. They had her working as a prostitute to pay her debts for the chems. A debt that could no longer be paid. I'd watch as these ugly smoothskins they'd call "ghoulfuckers" slink upstairs to follow her. I couldn't bare it and decided I was going to tear the place down. Before I could, Ehren was there with a gun to her head. I had no choice but to agree to pay her debt. If I did, I would ensure she would stay alive and be taken care of.

     They moved her to a different location away from me after that. At first, she would write letters to me but eventually... they stopped coming. I waited for an opportunity to destroy everyone involved with her enslavement but it never came. I never grew the balls to risk it. Sick part is… she would write how happy she was. That she felt normal after being turned into something that wasn’t normal at all. It was sad to hear because feeling normal from enslavement seemed flawed at best. However, if she was happy then I was happy to pay her debt with my life. I guess I would of done anything to make up for what happened between us.

 

**.....**

 

      It was just another day worth of travel and I arrived at what was once the great town of Goodneighbor. It took longer than expected. The streets I used to know have changed. Raider’s blocking off streets. Mutants moving into picked through buildings. The place is in a chaos that I’m not familiar with. The town was in worse condition than the last time I had visited. Blood in the streets, houses barricaded up. Shops were dilapidated. There was no way Vic was still alive, right? I headed over to Daisy's sad excuse for a shop. "Look what the cat dragged in!" She said in her raspy voice. "Hey, doll." I replied.

     "You look like shit. How long has it been? A decade or something like that? Can only remember one date when you’re a Pre-War. You ever find your sister?" she liked to gossip but when I didn't reply she backed off and sighed. "What can I do for you?"

     "I need a telephone, ammo, a better shotgun, some food, chems, you got any grenades? Oh.. and uh… I need it for free."

     "For free?!" she rasped out some cackles. "You lost your damn mind when you became a ghoul or what? How do you think things are going here? Well? Caravan's won’t even come here anymore because of Vic's second in command. No caravan's, no caps. No caps, no food. No food, I die. Besides you still owe me for the chems I loaned you!"

     "That was years ago!" I tried to argue with her but then sighed and leaned close to her. "Look... I need your help. Bad. You’re the only person worth a shit for miles. This is life and death for a lot of people. Including me."

     "Life or death situation that a telephone can solve? Are you high right now?" She looked at me with curiosity but mainly pity. “You’re talking to me about life and death. Did you miss the state of this place when you walked in?”

     "Daisy... I know how it sounds..." I began to say but she interrupted.

     "I know those eyes Hancock. Take the damn phone. Ain’t selling this shit here anyway. We don’t have grenades. Vic’s men decided to play hot tato with some unfortunate souls the other week. I got a few things I can spare but you have to do me a solid…"

     She wanted me to clear out some of Vic's men in the residential area. There were a lot of sick people now that the caravan's stopped coming. In their weak state, they couldn't fight them off. Vic's men were stealing everything they could from their own people. It was ridiculous and sad. Why did people settle for less? Why didn't anyone do something about it after all these years?  _Fear that the vigilantes would be murdered for trying to help?_ _Why did we settle for less? Why didn't they do anything about it?_ I frowned at myself. I was being a hypocrite. These people needed help and me offing a few raiders wasn't going to cut it. The whole place needed a new order, just like Montien. I spent a couple of more days playing hide and seek with the good folks of Goodneighbor. I could tell they haven’t fought off Vic’s men for some time. The motherfuckers didn’t know what hit them when I came into town. A lot harder than the small fry I’ve been dealing with on my way here, but nothing special. I made quick work of it, got my shit and got out.

     Daisy happily gave me the telephone with some supplies and insisted I still owed her for the chems from like… 12 years ago on top of what she was giving me now. I wasn't going to pay her back but maybe... If I don't die breaking Naiema out of Montien. I could come here and try my chance at death helping these people. They were after all... my kind of people.

 

**.....**

 

     It’s almost been a month since I had high-tailed it out of here. I shambled closer to the Montien and hid behind some cover. It was nightfall but the place seemed to be on alert. There was double the amount of guards than normal. I began to wonder if Naiema stirred up some trouble while I was gone. I tried to push the dark thoughts of her death away and started to creep up to the brothel slowly. If there was anything I was good at, it was being stealthy, working my shotgun and my skills with a blade. I knew getting back in was going to be a pain in the ass but this was going to require timing and precision. There were several guards but only one posted by the back door currently. I crept up behind him and grabbed his head. I wrapped my arm around his neck and squeezed with all my strength. He bite into my hand that was covering his mouth to quiet his verbal struggle. The blood from where he had bitten into my scarred tissue began to spill down his face. _I swear, sometimes these humans are more feral than ghouls..._  Eventually, he went limp and I laid him on the ground. I grabbed his feet and as quietly as possible dumped him in the large bin that probably already had corpses inside. My fingertips gently pushed the door open and I peeked into the main level of the brothel. It seemed empty. Hearing a patrol nearing my location, I stepped in and immediately regretted not checking it further. Mag's was talking to one of the raiders. Her eyes looked over to me. She seemed a bit surprised. The raider went to turn around to look towards me but she grabbed his arm and walked him to the stairwell that lead to the second floor. "Now, bring this to Naiema. She could use some cheering up, hmm?" Her eye flashed back at mine for a brief moment. She handed him a sweetroll and smiled. _Thank fuck… She is still alive._ He smiled back and shoved it in his pocket half-hazardly. It was so easy for Mags’ to put these fools in a trance. I moved quickly and silently into Mags' living quarters just as the patrol came in to look for the missing guard. Some of the girls went to gasp and scream but what looked to be the oldest one hushed them quickly. Mags was in there within seconds. "Well, well! I always knew you had a heart in that rotting corpse you call a body. Come to play house or hero?"

     "Hero." I didn't hesitate to reply and grinned at her. I liked the sound of being a hero but we were still far away from freedom.


	6. Montien Come Down: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has drug use and sappy bits. I know the sappy bits isn't a trigger but... it felt weird that the warnings was shockingly mild compared to other chapters. Didn't want the "drug use" to feel lonely. :)
> 
> CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo boy! The Montien Come Down chapter turned out to be 36k words... so I'm going to break them up into digestible chunks.
> 
>  
> 
> Lurve you all. Thanks for being here. ;D  
> <3

     I stared at the folded note that was addressed to me and peeled off the sticky duct tape that kept it in place on the phone. I looked over my shoulder as I pushed the telephone back under the bed. With no one watching, I stood and walked over to the makeshift bathroom that was a part of my prison. It was mainly a closet with no door and a bucket. It wasn’t complete cover from the guard’s eyes but it was enough for some privacy. There was only one person who knew that nick name. _Hancock…_ I unfolded the note impatiently. As I unfolded the last crease, something small and shiny fell out. A small thud hit the wooden floor at my feet. Inside the folded note was another old and tattered paper that was folded into a smaller square. It looked like it had seen better days than the note that was enveloping it. I looked over my shoulder again to see if anyone had noticed my antics. Thankfully, no one has yet. I ignored the item that fell out and rolled into the corner of the closet in favor of reading the papers. My legs were shaking with adrenaline from discovering the gifts. I placed my hand on the wall to steady myself.

     There was a cute sketch of an explosion with the words _“Showtime”_ written in the middle. The drawing looked like a kid’s drawing but it served its purpose. It was meant to make me smile and oh did it make me smile. Hancock was good at that. As I examined the shoddy art, I had to keep myself from chuckling. I plucked the smaller note out and unfolded it. I gave it a quick glance over as my eyes grew wide. The note’s contents had made the hand keeping me steady against the wall fly to my mouth to cover it. I held back a scream of joy and let my back fall against the wall. Slowly I slide down the wall until I was sitting. My eyes darted all over the pre-war note that was obviously from HalluciGen Inc. I folded the delicate paper with shaking hands and placed it on the floor next to the item that had fallen out. It was a small screwdriver. Like the one my dad used to repair his eye glasses back in the vault. I picked it up and clutched it to my heart like it was a lifeline. I rested my head back against the wall, closed my eyes and smiled even bigger.  _He came back for me._

     Over the next few hours I did my best to read the note carefully and inconspicuously. It wasn’t exactly what I needed but it confirmed my suspicions about the safety pin mechanism for the collars. I felt a twinge of pride over myself for that shot in the dark. The note itself wasn’t reassuring but I had hoped they had improved on the design’s flaws since the letter, or should I say complaint, had been written. It was dated months before the bombs fell. Still, all the news I had just received brought more hope to me than I’ve had in months. The pressure was on, that’s for certain.

     Since Hancock fled from here, Montien has begun to operate differently. More guards, more shifts, and more rumors. Ever since Ehren left yesterday, the raiders have been on high alert. Higher than usual. There have been rumors about being invaded by an up and coming “entrepreneur” like Ehren. Killing the competition type of talk. Their specialty was synths but they were still kidnapping humans for the sex and labor trade. Was there a better place to be for that than the Commonwealth? The Institute had synths pouring out of every crack in the broken earth. No one seemed to care if synths were being captured by slavers. To most it was a welcomed service and people were more inclined to point the finger at the boogeyman than the slavers kidnapping human family members. It’s a perfect cover really. Too clever for Ehren and his goons but I guess that’s what scares them. Usually they aren’t the type to be spooked but one word about synths and everyone is on edge. I just find it odd that people wanted… sexual… things… with synths. Was it even possible? Maybe I’m just ignorant... After all, you couldn’t tell the difference between synths and humans sometimes. I’d only heard about synths and the Institute through the Railroad. I’ve never seen or met a synth. At least to my knowledge I haven’t. That group liked their secrets so I’d never know.

     The rumors about synths having already infiltrated the ranks of Ehren’s men are amusing. Laughable really. If the Institute was capable of what everyone said they were, I doubted they gave two shits about this place. It didn’t matter if I believed it or not, they did and at least this way they’d be easier to split up when there is mistrust among them. I wasn’t too worried about most of the rumors. They’re all cheap and I’m banking on being out of here by then.

 

**.....**

 

     Three days have passed since I discovered the telephone and note. The anticipation of seeing Hancock again was maddening. It took all my will power to not be overcome with excitement. The prospect of it all. Freedom on the horizon. The idea that he was in the same building as me. Right now. That he had come back for me… of all people. I kept it in check by reminding myself that getting too excited leads to bigger disappointments. Still… Every once in a while, I’d catch myself smiling as I waited for opportunities to jump on. Those opportunities were far and few between. The place is fucking chaotic to put it bluntly. Patrols scrambling around, posts are put into place with long hours, and the rumors were fueling the anxiety all the while. It was hard to get any kind of moment to myself to pry apart the telephone with the tiny screwdriver but they were wearing down. I could tell.

     Speaking of the telephone. How it ended up in my room is baffling. It’s not like I ever leave the prison. I’m a light sleeper when I’m not chemed out. In fact, I feel like I’ve turned into an insomniac ever since I got here. Yet… someone had opened the barred door without making a sound and carefully placed it there… Under the bed, where I sleep and while I slept. I doubted it was Mags or Hancock themselves that placed it. Too many raiders guarding my door which was the only the only entrance besides the sealed and barred window. I doubted more that it was a raider, though it was the most likely. They could open my door without suspicion and they didn’t have to sneak around to do it. Yet someone had snuck in here. It was the only logical answer. My curiosity was piqued to say the least. At least it provided some entertainment over the past few days.

     However, it didn’t remain a mystery for long. I watched as Mags topped the stairs all smiles and humming a soft tune. Some of the raiders bristled at the sight of her, others smiled, but most ignored her. She wasn’t allowed up here last time I checked and she hasn’t chanced it for some time now but… here she was. Mags has managed, yet again, to bribe her way up to my floor of the brothel now that Ehren is gone. Watching her interact with one of my guards gave me some insight I’ve never noticed before. A wink. Some sleight of handed caps. A kiss on the cheek.  A variable I never thought of. Some of these men are under her finger, not Ehren’s. Not enough to own the place but enough to get what her girls need, go where she wants and get the information she always seemed to have. Not sure why it took me so long to catch on but the mystery began to solve itself now. It made sense why the Swans were untouchable even when Ehren was gone. With so much capability, I wondered why she was even here anymore. I know she would never abandon her girls but a part of me wondered if it was because she didn’t want to abandon Ehren either.

     She smiled at me as the guard she talked to stepped out of her way and motioned for his fellow raider to follow him for a break. He punched in the code then turned his back on the two of us. As they walked, I paid attention to the raider she had greeted. He carried himself differently than the man beside him. He didn’t scream raider, which I had never cared to notice until now. However, there was something more peculiar about the small observation. The man’s feet were light. Lighter than Hancock’s when he wanted to go unnoticed. You could barely hear them over the other guard’s loud gait. The door popped open and snapped me out of my investigation. She gracefully pulled it open further to step inside my room.

     “Impressive.” I grinned to her.

     She just winked at me and closed the barred door. The locks sounding as they slid into place. The tension from the other people on this floor eased up at the sound but still kept watchful eyes on our exchange. I began to speak again but quieter. “I’m a little disappointed in myself for not noticing sooner. Always wondered how you got around. Where’d you find him?” I nodded to the peculiar one.

    “Oh shush you.” She said sarcastically and swatted one of her hands in my direction playfully. She was still smiling as she walked a little further into the room. “You’re too hard on yourself, darling. Old Miss Magnolia has a few friends and tricks up her sleeve. You’ve always known I’ve had my ways. You just never cared to know to what extent until now.” Then she whispered and had a devilish grin on her face as if she were exchanging gossip. “No one expects the granny. An easy mistake to make.”

     I scoffed and rolled my eyes at her. “Oh please…” I giggled.

     She held her out her arms to me and joked. “Well. Come on! I’m not that old yet! I won’t break!”

     I walked over and embraced her. It was so damn nice to be held as she rubbed small circles in my back. I couldn’t help but get a little choked up. I buried my head into the crook of her neck and sniffled as I hugged her tightly. I tried willing the tears away as she held me close. She always smelt lovely. A hint of smoke and something sweet. Like soft flower pedals from the vault, not the thorn pedaled hubflowers out here in the wastes. I realized I haven’t gotten to enjoy her company like this in quite some time. So, I didn’t let go of the embrace for a good while. The only contact we had these past few months were her little messages hidden in supplies that was handed off to guards to give to me, or it would be quick whispers between the solid bars that made up my door. I had almost forgotten what a mother’s touch could do or any contact that wasn’t violent felt like. How easy it was to forget in a place like this. It was almost painful. Like a sore muscle releasing the tension when you relaxed it.

     “You look better my dear. I was worried about you.” She said quietly in my ear and then kissed the side of my head.

     I smiled proudly. “He’s been less destructive as of late and I’ve been more amiable for my own sake. Well at least until I get bored… then I catch a beating. But! I’m learning how he fights. Slowly albeit…” She sighed and pulled away from me.

     She looked serious suddenly and dropped her hold on my arms. “I meant your own self-destructive tendencies. We almost lost you because of your carelessness. There are a lot of people rooting for you, Naiema. I know it’s hard to imagine when that bastard son of mine keeps you isolated but it’s true.” She walked past me towards my bed. “As for my son… well… ever since he dragged you here you’ve been nothing but trouble. I know you can handle whatever he throws at you.” She smiled weakly. “It’s what you do to yourself that worries me.”

      “Oh…” I said quietly like a scolded child. The shame began to sink in. I never once thought of Mags and how she would have felt if I had succeeded in killing myself.

     “Yes... Oh!” She said with a bit of sass and mockery. She sat on my bed and folded her hands into her lap. I just stood there looking at her. I was unsure of what to do now that I had been called out on my own bullshit. She smiled warmly at me as if to reassure me and patted the bed next to her. I took her suggestion and plopped down beside her. The bed springing back from my weight. I ran my fingers through my hair which caused more of a mess than order. I let out a shaky breath and relaxed. “I’m sorry, Mags. I’m not really sure what to say about it…” I looked at her, hoping she would understand. “It’s dark here and at the time, it was hard to see another way out. I didn’t really think it through.”

     “No… you didn’t.” She sighed out lightly. She brushed some of my unruly hair behind my ear fondly. Just like a mother would to her child. “No matter how clever you think you are, sometimes you don’t think. But… I forgive you. You’re lucky to be alive, you know? He told me how much you took…  and after everything I taught you.” She tisks. “I can’t help but be disappointed.” She took my hand into hers and gently squeezed it. “I still love you, my darling. If you take anything away from the things I have taught you, don’t forget that one. I will always love you.”

      “I love you too.” I smiled to her. A stray and betraying tear rolled down my cheek. She gracefully wiped it away and patted my cheek where it once was. Feeling a bit better about where her and I stood, my brain decided to catch up to the party. _He told you how much I…took? Hancock!_ My expression lit up. Eyebrows drawn to the sky. “You’ve talked to him, right? How is he? Is he okay!? Is he here!?” I whispered in a quick and excited pace. It sounded desperate at best. Both of my hand clasped her one hand.

     She looked taken back for a moment. “Well now!” She smiled. “I wasn’t expecting you to be quite so fond of him but fond none the less!” She placed her free hand over her lips and giggled. “Yes. He is well and here waiting for you. Sounds like you two are closer than I thought.” With that she waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

     I blushed a shade of red that I had only seen in the vault. Everything in the wastes was faded and pink. This had to be like… a fire engine red with a fresh coat of paint. “I uhh.. no! It isn’t like that… Haha… I am fond... yes… but…” My tongue felt swollen and I cleared my throat. “I’m..  glad he is okay and… grateful that he came back to help but it… it isn’t like that.” I swallowed hard. “I’m just relieved is all... It isn’t every day you make friends in a place like this and it’s even more rare for them to care enough to want to help you out of an impossible situation.”

     She just giggled more and simply replied. “From what I hear, it isn’t so impossible but… whatever you say darling! I swear… you can be so oblivious to things that are right in front of you. Ahhh… to be young again!” She patted my cheek again and then kissed it. “Never mind all that. I have something for you!”

     She reached into her cleavage and pulled out a pack of smokes. I wondered how the hell she even hid those in her breasts so flawlessly. It was astonishing, as Mags always was. “Here, doll. I heard you ran out of smokes.” Her eyes flicked up to the guards that were returning. “It seems my time is up, darling.” I squeezed her hand and already began to feel the abandonment and loss of her warmth. The dull ache that accompanied it. She was so colorful compared to the black and white that most of my days consisted of.  

     “I’ll see you again soon. Don’t worry.” She booped my nose with her finger and slanked her way to the door. Her hips swayed as she walked. The guards greeted her, punched in the code, and closed the door behind her. She chanced a glance at me and gave me her best reassuring smile. It was so easy to fall back into the dark thoughts as I watched her disappear. _Locked away and alone again…_

     I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn’t true no matter how much it felt like it was.

> _“There are a lot of people rooting for you, Naiema. I know that is hard to imagine when that bastard son of mine keeps you isolated but it’s true.”_
> 
> _“Yes. He is well and here **waiting for you**.”_

 

     I shoved the pack of cigarettes under my shitty excuse for a blanket. I’ve already been chain smoking today and considered not indulging much more. I leaned back onto the bed and sighed heavily. _It seems I’m full of emotions today._ Something I told myself I wouldn’t let get to my head. I lied there like that for a while and found myself drifting through thoughts and fantasies of getting out of here, taking this place down and of course… Hancock. I thought of a life with friends I could trust. Adventures out in the wastes. Seeing places that have been forgotten over the centuries. There was a wealth of the old world out there just waiting to be unburied. It was a life without chains and I wanted that most of all.

     _I’m going to miss Mags immensely when I get out of here…_

     I wished she would let me get her and the Swans out. At that thought, I let out another sigh and sat up. _Chain smoking it is then…_ I fished the pack of cigarettes out of my blanket and opened them. There was a piece of rolled up paper that stuck out like a sore thumb among the real cigarettes. I “hmphed” and smiled to myself. _What a lovely visit._ I grabbed an actual cigarette and lit it. I sat crossed legged on the bed with my back to the guards. I unrolled the paper and read it.

 

> _“You are cordially invited to an exclusive show preformed by the magnificent and graceful Swans. I do hope you will find the time to enjoy our hard work. You’ll do well to mind your manners when the time comes.”_
> 
> _Love Always,_
> 
> _Magnolia._

 

All the raiders were finally wearing down just like I had suspected. The news spread of the Swans putting on a show tonight and the dogs jumped at the chance for an “exclusive show”. I overheard them saying it was meant to reward them for their hard work. Help moral… all that shit. The newcomers seemed to not be too sure of what to make of it. It’s against Ehren’s orders after all. I watched as the veterans here described what the shows were like and soon the new guys’ doubts turned into excitement. I waited as patiently as I could and pretended I was reading a book for the next few hours. Within the pages was something to do with programming computers but I was preoccupied with people watching. My leg was constantly bouncing in anticipation. I was trying to figure out a way to get down there. It seemed Mags had a plan but was very vague on the details. _Am I supposed to sneak down there? I can’t break the damn door again… they’ve pretty much made it impossible to do now. Even if I did… the new wounds are just now healing. Am I supposed to ask if I can go see the show? Or…?_ I didn’t have to wait long until one of my guards asked the other if he could handle being alone with me for a little while. The man, the one that Mags associated with, nodded and grunted out. “She’s a piece of cake to handle. I might even let her see the show if she is good enough.”

     The other raider looked at him funny as if he was dumb or insane. The guy that mentioned taking me to the show sighed and spoke up again. “Restrained of course. I won’t hesitate to put her in her place if she gets wild.”

     The raider nodded and smiled as if he had several dirty thoughts of me being restrained and put in my place. Maybe it jogged his memory of when I was put on display. I grimaced at the thought and looked away from the two conversing. After a few minutes, he took off down stairs to the main floor of the brothel. Most people were following his lead now and departing as well. It was mostly cleared out besides the mystery man that stood at my door.

     I looked up from my book to the man. “Are you really going to take me downstairs?” I asked curiously after some time had passed. “I get to see the show?”

     “Like I said, if you behave and I have you restrained… then yes. I will.” He turned to me as he spoke. I noticed he had a small but dark mole on his cheek. I wasn’t sure why I noticed something so small or why it stood out to me. Probably something to distinguish him from the rest of the raiders now that he was a person of interest. “We have some time to kill. Some of these dumbasses can get a little too trigger happy when they are excited and as far as I can tell, you’re enemy number one to them. We should let them settle down first.” He turned his back on me again as he stood in front of my door and then added. “Wouldn’t want Ehren going on a rampage because his favorite toy got killed. Tensions are high enough with all the rumors.”

     I couldn’t hold back from chuckling and I wondered briefly if he believed the rumors.

_Enemy number one, huh?_

     We made small talk, or should I say… I made small talk. The usual routine with trying to warm up to one of my detainers. His answers were always short and vague but patient… pleasant. A drastic contrast to the usual agitated and nervous conversations I’ve had with some of them. He wouldn’t tell me his name so I decided to name this new acquaintance “The Mole Guy”. He didn’t seem like a bad dude. Mags was fond of him enough to trust him so I’ll do the same for now. A raider is still a raider so you can’t put much faith in them. There was something odd about him though. He seemed so familiar but I was positive I had never seen the man in my life. Maybe I had seen him or heard him around here before but never cared to point him out of the crowd of assholes here. We both went silent for a few more minutes and I tried to occupy myself by actually reading.

     “Time to go.” He said suddenly.

     As if on que, I could hear the noises and music coming from downstairs. Mags began introductions and you could hear the crowd respond very well to her. Mole Guy unlocked the door, came in and stood there expectantly. Now that there wasn’t a barred door between us, he gave me a wary kind of vibe. _No safety barrier now._ I sized him up quickly as I stared at him. Now that I got a better look at him, I was positive I’d never seen him before. His demeanor seemed hardened and stern but not one of a mad or deranged man. The way he carried himself told me he had intent while most here just looked like they were surviving for the next day. _What are his intentions in a place like this?_ I couldn’t see his eyes as they were hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses. He seemed like the unpredictable type given I couldn’t read him. Beyond that, he was blank. I could only read one thing for sure… He didn’t belong here, bottom line. His set jaw and unmoving atmosphere gave me chills as he tapped his foot impatiently. I stood to my feet and threw the unread book to my bed. “You’re going to be late. Come on.” He motioned me to get closer to him and I cautiously complied.

     He pulled out some handcuffs from his belt. A clean pair. No rust. I stopped walking towards him and stared at them. I touched my wrist where I had a scar now from a previous pair of cuffs and then look up at him again. He looked at the offending item and then me. With a sigh, he spoke. “I get it. Here.” He paused and looked to make sure no one was watching. “This will make you feel better.”

     He held up the key to the cuffs and jingled it. He closed the distance between us which made me tense. He held the key out to me as an offering. I looked at him with complete uncertainty. _This is fucking bizarre…_ In return, he cocked an eyebrow and shoved the key into my hand. “Pocket it.” He commanded then followed up with. “Don’t lose it or you’re fricking screwed.” With that, he gave me a nervous smile.

     “Why are you doing this?” I asked suddenly.

     “Just doing my job.” He replied.

     “Who the hell are you…?” I asked in a whisper this time.

     He didn’t respond just smiled. _So damn familiar…_

     I nodded in acceptance, did as I was told and pocketed the key. He took my wrists gently and cuffed me. It was as if he didn’t want to spook me or something. I got a good look at his hands. They were the calloused which wasn’t unusual. Most people in the wasteland had some form of labor on their hands. However, where his callouses had formed told me they were the hands of a killer and the clean nails told me he cleaned them meticulously. I decided to give up on trying to figure The Mole Guy out. _Too many contradictions._ I sighed as I felt the weight of metal cuffs around my wrists. They were snug but it wasn’t painfully tight. “Thanks for this…” I said quietly.

     “Don’t mention it.” He grabbed my arm and emphasized. “Ever.”

     With that, we left. His whole mood and atmosphere changed like he was putting on the mask of another man. The mask of a raider. The man was perplexing to say the least. He escorted me with his gun to my back as we made our way down stairs. As we got to the main level of Montien, I took in the sight before me. I never had the chance to get a good look at this place on my way in and I wasn’t dumb enough to sneak down here since my stay started. The place was shockingly different than the last grungy piece of shit brothel. The lights were dim and romantic besides the bright stage. It was decorated with too much class for the resident raiders and lowlife costumers. _Ehren must have attracted wealthier clients…_

     The whole crowd was fixated on Mags. She was singing and it was as beautiful as I remember. I forgot how much I missed it. Singing was something she loved to do but like me, Ehren wouldn’t ever let her preform. The raiders whistled and applauded her as she hypnotized everyone in the room. Mags was an older woman, sure, but she looked ravishing for her age. She didn’t have a single grey hair and her subtle wrinkles only made her sultrier and distinguished. You would think the wastes had treated her well all this time.

     As we got closer to the crowd I noticed none of the men I could see were interested in _“enemy number one”._ I’m sure someone noticed my presence. It would be stupid to think otherwise. Suddenly, the girls came out dressed in skanky and glittering attire. They circled Mags and danced in sync as they twirled around her. The raider’s attention was drawn to the stage and nowhere else. They all roared and whistled. Cat calling and clinking beers. I smiled as I saw two familiar faces prance across the stage. Fahrenheit and Cait. They both had pretty faces, lovely red hair and were a little younger than me. They weren’t related in any way but Ehren had a thing for collecting red heads. Sometimes I wished Ehren would have kept Angel. She had red hair too. She might have been still alive if he had. With that loss in mind, it was sad to see that Fahrenheit and Cait were the only ones left of the group I partially grew up with. I swallowed the sadness and decided it was still nice to see that Mags had taken on some new girls while I had been gone.

     I, myself, was beguiled by the show as much as the raiders. So much so that I forgot there was a gun pointed to my back and I was startled when Mole Guy’s hand seized my arm abruptly. We came to a stop as we reached what I guessed to be Mags and the Swan’s living quarters. I looked at him with confusion, then shock as Mole Guy opened the door and shoved me through it. I took a few steps to catch myself from falling and the door shut behind me. I looked around and realized I was alone in the dimly lit room. It was a rather large space with several other dark rooms connected to it. There were no doors to most of the rooms except two of them. The door I just stumbled through and the one I would assume went to the stage area. Maybe. The room I stood in was the only one with the lights on. The rest of them were pitch black. The dull orange light illuminated the expanse of the main room. It revealed beds and trunks with dresses hanging out of them. Ashtrays were scattered here and there among old beauty magazines. I sighed and reached for the key in my pocket.

     “Took you long enough." A voice spoke out.

     I jumped and the key dropped to the floor as I turned towards where it came from. It sounded like it came from an empty doorway to my right that led to one of the pitch-black rooms. Then I saw that toothy grin emerge from the shadows. The light accentuated the pits and torn skin of his face as he stepped out. “John…” I whispered to myself and let out a breath I was holding in.

     I didn’t think about any of the negatives. I didn’t want to, not yet at least. I was too happy to see him. Relieved even. All I could think about was hugging him. Touching him. Thanking him. Hearing his rough voice. However, I stood there stock still. Seeing him again made everything very real. It was overwhelming. “You fucking scared me.” I managed to say as he cocked an eyebrow in anticipation.

     He began to chuckle as he approached me. “Sorry about that. Figured you were expecting to see me.”

     My mouth felt dry suddenly. He looked well. Great, actually. He seemed healthier than the last time I got a good look at him and he put off a different kind of vibe than I was used to. It still felt innately John Hancock but something had changed about him. He pointed to my cuffs. “Let me help you out of those.”

     He bent down to grab the key and then stood close to me. He looked me in the eye and softly grabbed my right hand. “Alright?” he asked in that wonderfully gravel tone.

     I realized I hadn’t really said anything since he made his presence known. Just eye-fucked him essentially. “Alright.” I said softly as if I spoke too loud the entire room would shatter.

     He looked to the cuff and began to speak. “Gotta forgive the theatrics. Was Mags idea but I kinda liked the foreshadowing bit to it.” He popped the first cuff off and gently took my other hand into his. “Besides… I figured it was better to avoid what happened the last couple of times you broke out of your room. Heard you haven’t been out since. Real fucking shame that…”

     The last cuff popped off and I dove for him. I almost tackled him as my body slammed against his. My arms wrapped around his chest and back tightly. He took a sharp intake of breath as he stabilized us both. He began to chuckle in my ear as his arms wrapped around me and held me close. “Hey Kitten.” His voice was low and I could feel the rumbles vibrating from his chest.

      I clung to him as if my life depended on it. _It does depend on it._ This was the first time we had any contact like this with each other. I thought it would feel strange but it felt right. Like two puzzle pieces snapping together. I squeezed him harder as his body engulfed mine. He had half a foot of height on me and had no problem swallowing me with his arms. He always felt so warm and comforting. He felt familiar. He felt safe. We stood there in each other’s embrace for a couple of silent minutes. I reluctantly took a step back and smiled to him. “Hancock… Fuck it’s good to see you.”

     His grin just widened. "Likewise, Naiema."

     Our reunion was interrupted by the raiders’ wooping and hollering. Reminding us of the very dangerous situation we were both still in. I felt paranoid from all the adrenaline. It’s been weeks since I’ve been out of the cage. Much less be where I stood now. However, Hancock kept me stable, grounded and reassured me. He pocketed the hand cuffs and the key as he beamed at me. He grabbed my hand and led me into the dark room he had emerged from. As he did, all the anxiety seemed to vanish. Washed out by the warm grasp he had on my hand. I let him guide me as my eyes adjusted to the darkness.

     Once we were concealed he turned to me and began to speak. “Look, I got a lot I need to answer for and so do you.” His hands animated the urgency we both felt. “I’m sorry for the things I said back at the box and I’m sorry I hit you the night I left. I don’t know if you remember that but it happened when you were fucked up ten rockets to the moon. You were slipping into unconsciousness and I needed you to stay awake. It isn’t an excuse but… I’m sorry all the same.” He said it quietly and sincerely. 

     Before he could say anything else, I interrupted. “It’s not like you did it to destroy me. You did it to save my life. Fuck man… The way I treated you… and… and… withholding information about your sister. I’m sorry for everything. I… I don’t deserve any of this…” I said exasperated as I waved my hand around in the darkness.

     “You’re right. You don’t deserve to be enslaved here and treated like a fuckable punching bag.” He said firmly.

     “No, I meant…” I tried to correct him.

     “I know what you damn well meant and I don’t agree with you.” He barked out. “Let me… just let me get my piece out, alright? I’ve been out there for a month preparing to come in here and fuck shit up. The whole time I hoped you were still alive so I could tell you all this and make it right between us.” He took in and released a shaky breath. “Agh... fuck. Alright… so you know how there is a few of us ghouls walking around without a soul? Ferals? Well that metal box they stuck me in… that shit makes me rabid. Being a ghoul? Sometimes you don’t die so easy. I’m sure you’ve noticed that much by now. So… I got all the time in the world to let the pain eat my mind away. Every time they stick me out there I can feel myself get closer to being feral. It’s like I can’t think straight and all I can focus on is the pain. I was pretty fucked up when you came to my aid. So… despite how I made it seem, I am very thankful you did. I wouldn’t of made it out of that box much less this place if it wasn’t for you but I still need you to know… I wasn’t right in the head that night and I sure as hell didn’t mean those things I said. You mean a lot more to me than that.”

     I sucked my lower lip between my teeth and bit down to stifle the tears. I felt a loss for words. I felt betrayed by my body as I let out a sob. Tears began to slowly stream down my face. I felt weak and vulnerable until his voice shushed away my fears. “Ah shit Kitten, didn’t mean to make ya cry.” He wiped my tears away and just smiled. “I ain’t going anywhere until you’re out of here or we die taking this place down. Ya dig?”

     I just chuckled as his words washed over me and delivered me the revelation. Mags was right about how I felt about him. I mean for fucks sakes… I could be human around him. I felt like I didn’t have to build my walls up high when I was with him and it was so nice. I sniffled as I struggled to find the words to say. “Thank you… for saving my life and risking yours…” My voice broke and my cheeks flushed. “Why the hell you’d do that is hard to digest for me. I’ve haven’t had a lot of people I could count on. I can count them on one hand, that’s it. So, it means a lot to me… you saving me and now all of this? I don’t really know how to repay you.”

     “You don’t owe me anything.” He stated.

     “I owe you everything and then some.” I replied back just as quickly.

     “If that’s how you feel then… let’s make it square.” He huffed out over a sigh. He paused as if in thought or maybe he even pained. “How about we start by you telling me about my sister.” He said calmly but I could see the anticipation building below the surface. His shoulders tense and his back straightened as if he was preparing to take a blow to the chest.

     I frowned and tried to collect my thoughts about the whole situation. Thinking back on it now, what were the odds really? _Would he even believe me…?_ I sniffled and wiped at my eyes to dry the last remaining tears. _This is going to be hard._ “The last time I escaped… I was gone for a few years. The Railroad picked me up off the streets.”

     “The Railroad? That’s a lucky find, kitten. They’ve been silent for a while now.” His eyebrow cocked and he folded his arms as he listened.

     “The guys I was telling you about from the whole Yao Guai bullshit? They were Railroad agents escorting a caravan for some extra caps on the way back to their base. It was obvious to them I was a runaway slave. Doe legged and all. They took me in and after a while, I started working for them. Towards the end, I spent my time and their resources looking for a good friend of mine. She was taken from the vault as well.” I began to fidget with the collar around my neck. “Eventually, we found a potential lead at a place they called Bella Muerte. Sure enough, she was there. My best friend… with her head smashed in.” I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears threatened to come back. I forced it down and swallowed hard. “By the time I got to the place, there wasn’t much of a brothel left. The place had been overrun by Super Mutants. All of them slaughtered, mutilated or eaten for the most part. I found your sister there, though at the time... I didn’t know she was your sister. I didn’t know who she was until you told me.” I could see Hancock’s fist shaking ever so slightly. Anger coiled and ready to spring forth. “Hancock… She died peacefully in comparison to everyone else. Believe me when I tell you that. It’s what made her stand out among the carnage. That’s why I have the letter.”

     “How did she die?” Hancock gritted out in a low somber voice almost immediately.

     “Overdose...” I hesitated and licked my lips. “Med X.” I replied with a lump in my throat. “I don’t know if she knew the Super Mutants were coming or if it’s coincidence but she was… the only person not torn apart there.”

     “Fuck…” Was all he said. He threw his hands to his head and began to pace. “Fuck!” He shouted. I jumped and looked back into the lit room nervously. He turned to me suddenly and shot me an accusing glare. “You fucking serious? MedX?” He laughed with frustration and then began to pace again. It reminded me so much of the way he laughed back at the box. It shot panic up my spine.

     “I’m sor..” I began to say.

     “Don’t… Apologize.” He sounded wounded and threatening. His tone cut me deep. We were both silent for a couple of minutes. I wasn’t sure how to make amends so I kept quiet and watched him.

     Eventually, he spoke up again. This time with a bit of resentment laced in his voice. “So, how’d you get the letter? You go through her things?”

     My frown deepened and I wrapped my arms around myself to find some sort of comfort now that I couldn’t find any in Hancock. “The letter was beside her when I found it. I read it out of curiosity and found it moving. I found it… loving. Reminded me of home and the friend I had lost in the very same building as Anya. It sounds fucked up now but I kept it as a memento. I never wanted to forget what Ehren and people like him was doing to so many innocent lives. Used and snuffed out like they didn’t matter. That’s why I came to this fuck hole. To put a stop to it. For revenge and all that shit. I knew the only way to do that was to cut the head of the snake and find the next one that wanted to take his place. Burn every building down I could find. Save the broken… but… Ehren was ready for me this time. I was naïve and careless. I… I never intended on hurting you. I just wanted to survive.” He scoffed at me and I stopped talking. There wasn’t much more I could say about the whole situation. There were no more apologies that could be made.

      I didn’t know how to comfort myself without chems much less how to comfort him without the substances. I always knew that this conversation was going to be hard but I felt like Hancock was slipping away from me again. This time it wasn’t because of a torture device, but a device of my own making. It was the moment I had always feared and I could feel myself recede behind the walls I’ve carefully constructed over the years. I looked to him for forgiveness as the anxiety began to crawl back in. He kept pacing but it slowed down eventually and he stopped in front of me once more. His hands falling from his head to his side limply, like he was defeated. He reached a hand out and I flinched away from it out habit more than fear. He frowned at me and reached for me again. As soon as his fingers were on me he pulled me into his chest fiercely. I fell into him hard as his arms wrapped around me. I had mistaken the look of acceptance for the look of defeat.

     “You were brave.” He spoke up. “You were also fucking stupid. Maybe even a little crazy but...  you got bigger balls than most people born in the wastes, I’ll give ya that.” He laughed out and I could feel the once forming tension fade away again. With a single gesture, he dispelled the growing doubts. It should have been shocking that he could manipulate me so easily but I felt drawn to him because of it. Without thinking, I buried my head into his chest and reciprocated the hug. The warming rumble of his voice sounded again. “I’m sorry for your loss, kitten.”

     I smiled into his chest and then looked up at him. “And I’m sorry for yours…”

     “Are we good?” He asked with a grin as he still held onto me.

     I couldn’t help but chuckle and shake my head. I was about to ask him the same and felt relieved to know we were both more than willing to forgive each other and move forward. _The worst between us is over._ I repeated it in my head like a mantra and then replied. “Yea. We’re square.”

     He scrunched his face up for a second. “Maybe not quite square. There’s one more thing I should mention.” He released me and took a step back. He grabbed his pack of smokes and opened them. He pulled two out and lit them both. He took a drag off them and exhaled. “First rule of chem use.” He handed me one and I gratefully took it while cocking an eyebrow. “Never trip alone… and that’s coming from a junkie.” I could see his cocky smile in the dark but I knew it was his way of expressing how he felt on the overdose matter. “It would be a real shame to lose someone like you to the chem void.” He said nothing more about it and I hoped that it would be left in the past.

      “Noted” Was all I could think to say. The guilt overriding anything intelligent or sentimental I could have said instead. Eventually I opted for the thing that has kept me going since he left. “Thanks for coming back for me…”

     “Anytime, Kitten.” He replied immediately and looked at me fondly.

     If my heart had ice on it, and sometimes it feels like it does, it would have melted then and there. That fucking look. The half-lidded eyes and cocky smile. The feelings that stirred in my chest were on the move again. It’s becoming terrifying for me. For someone who had so much control over my reactions it could be dangerous to have these feelings. However, I trusted him. Adored him even. I know what it is I’m feeling and Mags clearly saw it too. I’ll have to tread carefully. Still, I found myself standing closer to him. We made small talk about his journey to HalluciGen Inc. The place was fucked even before the bombs fell from what Hancock had told me. I pretended to pout when he mentioned the books he could have brought back. A nice find but one too risky to go back for. If what he read on that computer is true, you wouldn’t catch me anywhere near that place.

     A couple of minutes later and the sound of a door opening and closing resonated from the other room. We became silent and I could see Hancock’s knife give off a glint briefly. I slowly walked to the wall and put my back to it. Both of us prepared to clobber whoever came through that door until we heard Mags’ voice “It’s clear. Come on out. We got business to settle.” We both sighed in relief and I chuckled.

     We both stepped out of the dark room and I moved to hug her. She looked stressed but still accepted my embrace. It was a strange sight to see. Despite all the shit she put up with and suffered… I had never seen her clearly stressed. The lines in her face deepened and showed her true age as she frowned. Mags let go of me and then went to sit in an arm chair and lit a cigarette of her own. She took a long drag and then exhaled. “I’m not one to beat around the bush so I’ll come out and say it. We have all heard the rumors about being invaded by rival slavers.” She took another drag between words. _Definitely stressed._ “Well that rumor isn’t true. As you both know I have eyes and ears everywhere. I’ve gotten word from a respectable source that Ehren plans to sell us. All of us, including myself. The only one I’m sure he will keep is Naiema.” She pointed her cigarette towards me and continued. “He plans to start fresh. He’s bored with his current monopoly and wants the competition. Wants the thrill of the hunt again. I always told him if he continues to consume the world, the world will burn him.”

     “Fuck me… I’d almost rather an invasion…” I spoke up.

 Mags shot me a look and spoke through the accumulating smoke. “It doesn’t matter which situation is true or not. In either case, we are in danger. If we are invaded, I won’t be able to protect my girls. If we are to be sold, the same stands. Naiema will be taken away and I won’t have any say in it. I can’t have that happen. I’ve talked it over with my girls…” She seemed pained by the idea. “They want to help with this whole charade you two have come up with. We all have our agendas and all parties involved may die… but it’s what they want.” She looked over to Hancock and then motioned towards me. “So!? What’s the plan then? My girls put on a show and then what? How are you going to ensure we get out of here alive?” She then cut her eyes to me. “All of us.”

     Hancock pulled out the other bomb collar from his duster’s pocket. He held it up and then pointed to the one around my neck. “With these.”

     Mags just smiled pitifully and shook her head. “How do you plan on getting hers off without blowing yourselves up?” She sighed heavily put her hand up as if she wanted us to elaborate. “and let’s say you do get that thing off… Your plan is to blow us all up?”

      I reached in my pocket and pulled out some scavenged copper wire and a slender pin with a magnet on the end. The pin looked more like a small turn key than a slender metal rod. Within those three days, I had disassembled the telephone, and took all components I would need out of it. I then reassembled the shell with its heavy weighted base and most of its components still intact. I knew Ehren would test my patience before I had a chance to take this place down so I wanted to keep it as a reminder that this was happening. That this was possible. Hancock let out a soft laugh and beamed at me. “Well you made short work of that.” He reached for the pin and I gave it to him. “This is a key… I thought you needed a pin?” He asked and looked to me.

     “Yeaaaa… the whole “stick a metal rod into the collar” thing didn’t make sense to me. The collars seemed to be a lot more sophisticated than that. If that was the case, anybody could shove whatever in there and get the collar off easily as long as they improved the design… which they may not have.” I bit my lip and pulled it from between my teeth with a pop. “So… I may have poked around with a bobby pin while you were in the box... It’s not actually a pin hole even though they called it that. It’s a magnetic lock. A lot like my door upstairs, actually. There’s tiny tumbler’s in there that’s magnetic. The magnet on the key repels them and triggers the deactivation sequence. At least that’s my best guess. I stopped there incase further prodding resulted in… you know…”

     “Fucking hell… you are crazy aren’t you.” He just smiled at me and handed the key back. “Could of blown your head off then and there with that shit.” He plopped down on the only couch in the room. “These things are dangerous and Mags is right. Using the collars might get some innocent lives killed. Are we all okay with that?”

     “This is going to sound fucked but… for a while now I’ve had it in my head I wasn’t going to cause enough trouble for them to push the button on my collar. I didn’t want others to suffer because of me but… this place needs to be torn down and Ehren along with it. Even if that means the poor souls here die with the brothel. That includes us. The people here are broken… I can tell you from firsthand experience that things will never be okay for them. The freedom will be bitter sweet and most will die out there anyway. This is all they know now. For some of them it’s all they have ever known. I want to end all this suffering and prevent more people from having to go through what we have went through. The strong will survive and the lost will be grateful to die. At least… I would be.”

     “Well said.” Mags spoke up. “But I’d prefer it if we came up with a plan that wasn’t a suicide mission if we can help it. It complicates things but… I think one of our goals should be to save as many as we can.”

     Hancock gave Mags a strange look. “I agree with Naiema but… You’re okay with this Mags?” He said pointing to the collar in his hand.

     “Okay with it? No. Do I agree that this may be the best method to take the place down with what we have? Yes. So, if you’re asking if I am in on this plan. Then yes, I am… reluctantly.”

Hancock didn’t look hopeful as he spoke. “Alright so we’re using the collars.” Hancock looked to me and grimaced. “That little key-pin still doesn’t change the fact that we might blow ourselves up trying to take that thing off. I read the note. The things fucking flawed.”  _We?_

     I sat next to him and picked at my nails anxiously. “Well I have a basic understanding of electrical components and machinery. This isn’t really basic machinery but at least I have some experience. My assumptions about the damn thing have been right so far…” I looked from Mags to Hancock. Their faces looked grim from my words. I sighed and turned to Hancock. “You don’t have to help me get it off. I’m sure I can manage by myself. That way… if I fuck up with either of the collars, you can still get them out of here. Y’all need to be prepared if that happens and go with the original plan we had.”

     “Nah, I insist.” He smiled coolly and chuckled at my accent. “I can dig what you’re putting down but if you have a shot at getting that thing off your neck, I’m helpin. You only have 60 seconds, Kitten. That ain’t a lot of time with just two hands.” He said firmly.

     “Well… now that you know you can _maybe_ get it off. Let’s discuss the plan. What do we do if it fails? What’s the original plan? We need safe guards in place... especially if you plan to use explosives.” Magnolia said as she uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in our direction.

      I looked between the two. They were so hopeful and staring at me. Waiting on me to reply as if I had all the answers. It was intimidating. I didn’t have the answers and every plan I had come up with was a long shot. If I was going to lead this shitshow I needed them to understand where I was coming from and what my intentions were. So, I was honest with them. “So, I’d like to state at this point I don’t know if I can actually get my collar off or if that key will even work. I’m confident in my skills but not in this pre-war death contraption. If I can’t get it off then it plays into the plan I have every intention of going with. Taking this place down. If I can get the collar off, well… we don’t have to use the collars at all if we just run for it. It saves some of the already ruined lives here, yes… but that plan doesn’t really change much, does it? It may be enough for the girls to have their freedom but for people like Mags and I. He will never stop. He will only continue to ruin lives and hunt for us in the process. If I get the opportunity to finish what I came here to do… I will. Now that I’ve made my intentions clear…”

     With everyone coming to an understanding, we hashed out the plan for the next 30 or so minutes. We would wait until a night they were doing a show. Raiders, buyers, people who threw their caps at this disgusting industry would congregated to one area making it easier to target them with the explosives. The shows have already proven to be a great distraction we can make use of. The next showing at Montien was about 4 days from now. Mags’ contact, I suspect Mole Guy, told her it was supposed to be a big turn-out as their “buyers” are coming to look at their potential investment. Ehren would arrive the day prior to prepare for their visit, we already knew that. Before then, Hancock and I had our work cut out for us. We had to get the collar off and not blow ourselves up in the process. Should that happen, Mags will contact the Railroad with my codename, Blaze, and hopefully they can help her and the others once they were out. It wasn’t a good outcome. Those girls didn’t know enough about surviving out in the wastes and the Railroad wasn’t equipped to handle big operations like what Ehren had going on here. They would have to find their own way out and hope the Railroad picks them up like they had with me. I tried to sound hopeful that the worst-case scenario wouldn’t happen. _But it could…_

     If we succeeded with the collars, and I hope we fucking do, we had two options. Fuck using the collars at all, run for it, protect Mags and the girls on our way out. It was the original plan and one that Mags preferred. At the very least we got my collar off and I can have my tiny bit of freedom until Ehren’s dogs were after me again. After everyone was safe, Hancock and I would discuss how to bring the place down later on down the road. That was plan “Homesick” and I didn’t like it. Hancock didn’t either. We had two objects of destruction in our hands that could do the job right now, not later.

      The other plan was what Hancock and I truly intended on doing… using the collars to blow the place up. Operation Showtime. With some luck, we could kill three birds with one stone. Ehren, the buyers, and Montien. In order to do that, I had to repurpose my collar to where I could take it on and off without it exploding. The optimal choice would be to remove the explosive all together and attach it to the extra collar. I couldn’t exactly go walking around without the collar on or people would become alarmed and to state the obvious... I’d prefer to not be rigged to explode 24/7. The other tricky part of this plan was to get the remote. I couldn’t get the remote from whatever raider held it in Ehren’s absence. It would be too messy and the raiders were like pack wolves. When one went for the kill, they all did. So, I would have to wait for Ehren to come back and present myself to him in order to get my hands on it. Get creative. I didn’t tell them the “present myself” part, but it was a need to know basis at this point. Without the remote, rigging the collars would be unnecessary and for nothing. There was no way to detonate them within the place without the remote or at least the transmitter. One of us could shoot the bombs to set them off, maybe even throw a grenade…. but that idea was tossed out immediately given that it was guaranteed to kill the shooter.

     As for where to place the collars for maximum damage to the structure and the crowd, it would be the basement. Hancock informed me, Mags confirmed, that the basement is where they keep three distilleries and a few barrels full of alcohol that supplied the place with its booze. _Fuel for the fire._ It also supported the brothels weight on strong wooden beams. Take out the beams, spread the fire, and the place will crumble. With that in mind, it was of the upmost importance to make sure Mags and her girls didn’t get trapped or injured when the bombs went off.

     Mags would start the show and preform while she waited for shit to hit the fan. Her girls would wait in the back, already prepared and ready to escape with Hancock. Against her wishes, the plan was indeed a suicide mission. Still, she was willing to give her life to make sure the plan succeeded and her girl’s freedom guaranteed. It was Mags’ way of protecting the Swans from the unpredictable explosion that would happen under the crowd and stage. It was also her last “fuck you” to Ehren by performing. I admired her courage as she reassured us she would stay as far back as she could on the large stage yet I still worried for her. It was a dangerous place to be when the bombs went off no matter where you were on that stage. However, she explained it as if it was the easiest decision she ever had to make. She exhaled the smoke from her tenth cigarette as she spoke. “We are all doing our part to send this place to hell where it belongs and we are all sacrificing something to make this work. Even if it costs us our lives. Why shouldn’t I do the same?”

      When the explosions go off, there would be a small window where the place is uprooted, raider’s scattered and everyone that could needed to make their move to escape. Otherwise, the place would crumble around them if they waited too long. Timing was everything. Hancock’s “sacrifice” as we are calling it now, is to be the man behind the scenes. He was to make sure that the other slaves, Mags, myself and at the very least, the Swans made it out safely. He was to get as many out as he could and shoot anyone who threatened the plan. If Mags or myself couldn’t get out in a timely manner, he was to lead them to safety beyond Montien and not come back to look for us until they were safe and sound. He didn’t like that we were in the line of fire and he wasn’t but he understood how important his role was. He was our last hope should Mags or myself fail and I had every confidence in him. He was the most likely to survive all this and the most likely to finish the job if we were dead and gone.

     There was still one loose end. Ehren… the unpredictable and ruthless man that started all this. We all knew better than to leave his death up to chance. He usually didn’t watch the shows. He preferred to be a part of it, if you catch my drift. We figured since his intentions was to sell the place, he might join the buyers in the crowd. He’s not a good man but he’s a good salesman. I can’t deny that. However, if he let the place speak for itself and he didn’t join the crowd… he wouldn’t be in the line of fire. By the time the explosions go off, he will be alerted and much harder to kill. That was where my sacrifice came in. If Ehren didn’t show any interest in attending the show… I’d draw him in, let him watch as I destroyed his empire, and kill him. I’d be a fool to think I’d make it out alive and I think Hancock knew that too… Mags and then eventually just Hancock protested but they couldn’t really argue with my logic. Everyone had their own part in this and this was mine. _Cut the head off the snake._ I never said it out loud but I think they both understood I wasn’t leaving until he was dead. Even if it we ended up going with plan Homesick. He had to die before I would go with them.

     We all had high hopes that we would survive the coming days but the probability of that isn’t likely. The best-case scenario seemed farfetched and impossible. But… if everything went well it was the perfect plan with what we had. Knowing that, we tried to enjoy each other’s company as if it was our last. We had a couple of drinks, plenty of cigarettes and jokes between planning this whole thing out. I sat next to Hancock the whole time. His arm draped on the couch behind me. I soaked in his presence as if it was the rain I longed to feel on my skin. I wanted to remember this warm feeling and hopefulness we shared. I was going to need it.

     A knock on the door made us all jump. Hancock grabbed my hand and we disappeared into the darkness again swiftly. Mags stood up to answer the door as we waited with bated breath. Mole Guy came in and shut the door quickly and began to speak with Mags. _I guess it’s time to go…_

     Hancock squeezed my hand and pulled me close to him. “Be careful… Mags may trust some of these guys, but I don’t for a second. Neither should you.” he said quietly.

     “I’m always careful…” I shot him a grin.

      He just shook his head and smiled. “I mean it, Kitten. It’s all jokes now but we have a tall order to fill. I need you at your best if we are going to pull this off.”

      “I’ll be careful.” I offered up my wrists to him in which he raised an eyebrow at me. “I’ll be needing those cuffs back.” I reminded him.

     “Ugh… yea.” He sighed out and began to cuff me.

     He was so gentle and tender with his touches. He left the cuffs loose and just held my wrists for a minute after putting them on. I pressed my head to his chest like I had earlier and considered if I was being too intimate with him. I wondered if it was as obvious to him as it was to Mags with how I felt… I guess the answer didn’t matter because he seemed to enjoy our new found closeness all the same. “Hancock…?” I spoke up.

     “Hmm?” He pulled me in closer for a last peaceful embrace.

     “No matter what happens, your priority is Mags and the girls. Don’t come after me if I don’t make it out in a timely manner. Promise me?” I begged him and looked up at him.

      He hesitated but then let go of me and looked me in the eyes. “I promise.”

     I nodded to him and smiled warmly as I walked out of the dark room and up to Mole Guy. “Ready?” I asked.

     “Hope you enjoyed the show.” He deadpanned and grabbed the cuffs on my wrist, tightening them. Hancock walked out of the shadows at the sound of the cuffs. I looked to him as a sort of goodbye but he was just staring at Mole Guy with a venomous look.

     “I’ll call for you again, my darling. We only have a couple shots at this before getting to see you is out of my hands.” With that, she kissed my cheek and Mole Guy tugged me out of the room.

      As we stepped out, the men were looking riled up more so now than in the beginning. You could smell spilt booze and some sang along to the songs the Swans were dancing to. We kept walking and I could no longer see the crowd at my back but I could hear Mags go back out on stage for their grand finale. “Pick up the pace, we’ve over stayed our welcome.” Mole Guy said into my ear.

     I did as he asked and picked up the pace until we reached the top of the stairs to the second floor. When I got back into my room, Mole Guy closed and locked the door not saying so much as a word for the rest of the night. I got into bed and fingered the collar around my neck. _Anything can go wrong._ _The whole thing will fall apart if one piece fails._ I tried not to think about it but it lingered in the back of mind _. I’m so close to freedom… So close to revenge._

     _We are so close_.


	7. Montien Come Down: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has drug use.
> 
> See? It looks so lonely up there by it's lonesome.  
> Also can we just establish that there will be chem use throughout the story?  
> I mean... it's Hancock ffs. :D
> 
> No? Okay. @,@  
> I'll still put it as a warning.

     The next night, Handcock and I planned to meet in the basement to deal with the collars. From what Mag’s had gathered it would be the safest place to tinker as no one really went down there unless the bars needed restocking. Mags had gone ahead and requested both bars get extra stocks for the next show. If we did blow ourselves up in the process… well, we were in a prime spot for it to happen and the show was on early. Montien would hopefully fall all the same but without as much precision or grace. The only problem was that the door to the basement was still guarded even if no one occupied the basement. Hancock assured me it would be taken care of and to just be ready.

     I tried to catch up on sleep next morning, had some disgusting breakfast in the form of cold tatos, and then thought out every scenario that could happen tonight and what I would do in said scenario to salvage the plan. My nerves were starting to get to me and I started chain smoking again. I even considered asking for some Med X or Calmex to chill me out but thought better of it. I had doubts in my capability though I knew I had read dozens of books on electronics and mechanical engineering over the years. I just hoped the key worked and I could recognize the components inside the contraption around my neck. On top of that, I had to wait for Mole Guy which made me that much more anxious. He looked tense all morning. He ended up leaving his post and another raider took his place for the day. I had been packed and ready to go by afternoon but now that it was evening, the minutes dragged on to what seemed like hours… and hours they turned into. Mole Guy returned for the late shift holding three bottles of shitty tar-berry wine. One for the guard he was relieving, which took it gratefully and fucked off. The other one for his fellow night guard, and one for himself. He didn’t say anything as I watched them clink the bottles together and take swigs. _Mags must be paying him well to buy three bottles of wine…_ After a few minutes of hearing them have small talk, I decided to smoke another cigarette to pass the time. “Don’t light that.” Mole Guy spoke to me. The other guard looked at him quizzically.

     “Why…?” I asked and lit it anyway.

     As soon as I did, his fellow guard started to look wobbly on his feet. Within the minute, he started to collapse to a pile on the floor. Mole Guy grabbed him quickly and propped him up against the wall before he hit the ground. He only responded to me with. “I need you to make your bed as if you are sleeping in it and hurry up. We only have one shot at this.”

    “What the hell!?” I whispered harshly. “You killed him!? How are you going to cover this up!?”

     “Just frickin sleeping aids… You done wasting time?” He offered as he unlocked my door.

     I put the cigarette out and threw it somewhere, don’t remember, and started making my bed and collecting my things. Mole Guy waited outside my door but he looked impatient. As soon as I was ready and walked over to him he took me by the arm pretty harshly and we made our way down the stairs. I was astonished as we hit the main floor that there wasn’t a guard posted by the basement door. “Most patrols are outside tonight.” He murmured. “Someone started a rumor that an invasion would happen tonight.”

     “Would that someone be you?” I asked with amusement. He didn’t say anything. Just smiled.

     He opened the door to the basement and pulled me close. “Knock twice when you are done. If I hear anything worrying or the start of explosions, I’m out of here.” He motioned for me to go inside. When I took my first step on the stairs he mumbled out. “Good luck.” I nodded to him and tried to keep my cool.

     I quietly descended into the basement. Every step a weight of anxiety on my shoulders. It was dark down here but as I made it to the cold floor of the place, I could see a soft light coming from around the corner. I headed towards it with caution. My hand running along the wall to keep my bearings. As I turned the corner, Hancock was already there posed up against the wall and smoking a cigarette. Beside him was a raider that was knocked out cold or dead. The guy was laying on his side, tied up and cuddling a tipped over bottle of wine. _Knocked-Out._ “Well then…” I sighed out as I made my presence known. “I’m beginning to wonder where Mags gets her caps to pull this kind of shit off.”

     “You’re joking, right? Ehren’s fucking loaded. Seen one of his stashes when I found this.” He rasped out and held up the other collar.

     “You really think she gets to see any of those caps?” I asked incredulously.

     “I know she does. He just doesn’t know it.” He smiled and motioned over to a table with two wooden chairs. “Shall we?” he asked.

     I didn’t reply just took a deep breath and approached the table. On it was some medical supplies and a couple of tools he managed to get ahold of. He carefully placed the extra bomb collar onto the table and looked at me. It was time to play roulette and I was really nervous. _This could be it..._ _This could be the end._ He smiled at me as I approached and reached his hand out. He had a cigarette and a jet inhaler resting in his palm. I stepped close to him and gladly accepted the gifts. I hadn’t really done any chems since my overdose but the overwhelming satisfaction that the sweet and sickly jet brought to my lungs would relax me. I took a puff and my thousand thoughts per minutes slowed to a crawl. I lit up the cig and sat in the chair that was at the table. I was trying to control my remaining tremors. “Nervous?” he said calmly and put a hand on my shoulder. He squeezed gently as I gave him a wary look.

     “Very…” I took a hard drag off my cigarette and exhaled. “I’m ready to get this over with.”

     He smiled at me again and then traced the front of the collar on my neck with gentle fingers. “You’ll do fine.” He replied.

    I struggled to not shudder or lean into his touch more than I already was. He took my cigarette out of my hand, took a drag himself, and then put it out. He then positioned himself behind the chair I was sitting in as I pulled the key-pin out of my pocket. I looked over the pin and then gave it him. “Put this end in. It’s the side with the magnet. If I am right, it should turn like a key, you’ll feel the magnet’s snap.” I said with a shaky voice. “After that, the three manual locks that keep the collar in place should release and we can unfasten them without setting it off.”

     “You sure this is going to work?” He asked as he took the key.

     “No.” I replied as I pulled my hair into a bun so that the back of my collar and flesh was easily exposed.

    “Welp! Here goes nothin… Ready, kitten?” he said quietly in my ear. His voice gave me goosebumps and I took a deep breath.

     “Ready.” I said and nodded. I placed my hands on two of the locks that were on the collar. He placed one hand on the third and final lock and the other readied the key I had made. “In another life, Naiema.”

     “Until next time, Hancock.” I replied lovingly.

     He pushed the key into the small slot and then turned it. You could hear the magnet repel and slap into place. We heard small mechanisms grind and then a click. I could feel vibrations from the device beat through my neck and pulse.  _Beep... Beep…._  I started counting down from 60 aloud. I popped the first clasped lock and tried to breathe. I was being careful not to jostle the prewar tech. I was having trouble with the second lock and had to use two hands. “49…” I said.

     He went to take his hand off the third lock to help me unclasp the second. “I got it!” I hissed. He froze in place and stayed silent. “41… 40…” the second locked finally unclasped with a jolt.

     I could already feel the collar’s death grip release my skin. With quick and nimble fingers Hancock popped the final lock. My hand replaced his on the key, just in case, and he undid the leather strap that adjusted the collar to fit my neck. We worked well together as one unit. If it were any other time I’d probably feel pride and some sort of infatuation but the situation was too dire to concentrate on any of that. As soon as the collar slacked off my neck, he put his hand back over the key and he removed the collar. As soon as I was free from it, I turned to him and began latching the locks back into place. The final lock snapped back into place seconds later and he removed the key slowly. “12… 11…” Hancock and I were both looking at each other and holding our breath.

 _Beep. Beep._  The light turned from a fast pulsing red to a green and then back to red. It resumed its usual blink it had when it was around my neck. “Shit… wow.” I said under my breath.  _I’m free._  I laughed in astonishment. The laughter died quickly as I touched my neck and winced. The collar had left small cuts and deep bruises. Hancock gently put the device down on the table in front of me and went over to one of the barrels of alcohol. I stared at the collar. _I can’t believe it worked._ A smile crept across my face.

     I was shocked out of my thoughts as a rag soaked in what smelled like cheap vodka touched my neck gently. “SShiiiiiitttttttt!” I didn’t mean to say it so loud and unconsciously pulled away from him. It stung like a bitch.

     “Stay still. This thing was dug into you like a bloodbug.” He said to me softly as he cleaned the wound that circled my neck. I leaned back in the chair and pulled out the jet he gave me again. I took the last hit from it and slowly exhaled. He was gentle and caring… something that only Mags and Deacon had shown me since my removal from vault. Time slowed and I allowed myself to revel in Hancock’s affections. It made my insides warm and distracted me from the sensitive flesh on my neck being cleaned. He wrapped a bandage around it loosely. “This should help when it goes back on.” He said as he removed his warm hands from my skin. I frowned and looked down at the collar. I didn’t want to put it back on… but it was part of the plan. The plan to save many, not just myself.

      He pulled up a chair next to me and we went to work. Well… I went to work and he helped when he could. The goal was to dissect one collar without exploding and rigging the other to have double the explosive power. Problem was, we didn’t know if the deactivated collar was really deactivated. “How lucky are you feeling tonight Hancock?” I asked as I examined the supposedly deactivated one.

     “Damn Lucky.” He said as he grinned and lit another cigarette. “So far at least."

     “Let’s see how far our luck takes us then.” I smiled back at him.

     I unlatched the locks on the collar and re-latched them. No response. It seemed dead. With careful hands, I took the panel off that held the battery, chip and the main wire housing. Still, nothing. “Now I’m worried.” I said suddenly and laughed nervously. I looked over to Hancock flabbergasted. “Things are going too well.”

     He laughed and lit a cigarette for me. “Relax. Good news is good news. Don’t jinx it.”

      I took the cigarette and placed it in the corner of my mouth. I doubted I’d smoke all of it, just the occasional puff or two. I was too preoccupied with the device in front of me. I looked closely at the wires and noticed one wire in particular looked to be fried. I touched it to see the cause of it. As soon as I did, it shocked me and I dropped the collar as a reaction. It hit the table with a thump and whizzed to life. It began to beep just like my collar had done. “Shit! Fuck!” I said and quickly grabbed it. My cigarette dropped to the floor. My hands were shaking as I searched for the right wire to cut the power off from the chip or even the explosive compartment. “My hands are steadier.” Hancock said as he quickly took it from me. He started to count down from 40 this time but neither of us knew if that rule applied here.  I grabbed the wire cutters and felt with fingers where the wires went as he held it up for me. “30… 29…”

     I may not know anything about explosives but I knew a good bit about electrical wiring. “Here goes nothing…” I snipped two of the wires. One that looked like it led to the pin housing and into a compartment I haven’t opened yet.  The second wire led from the same sealed compartment to the chip. It still beeped but the light flashed off. “Oh come on… Alright, ya might feel a little shock or this is where we explode.”

     Hancock only responded by counting louder and staring hard at me. “ 13… 12… 11… 10… 9!”

     I held my breath and snipped both wires that led to and from the chip and battery. The beeping stopped and the collar ceased to show any signs of activity. Hancock let out a sigh and then laughed that frustrated laugh. I began to believe it was more of a distraught or in disbelief kind of laugh. He let the collar roll out of his hand and hit the table. He sat back and rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t think there is enough calmex in the world to calm my ass down after that… god damn, Kitten. You just had to jinx us didn’t you.”

     “I warned you…” I laughed out in an exhausted manner and rested my head on the table. As soon as I did I had a realization. I started to giggle uncontrollably and was growing a bit loud.

    “The hell has gotten into you? Enjoying the high from all the adrenaline?” He chuckled along with me and tried to shush me.

     Between breaths I managed to get out what was making me giggle. “Good news… The worst part of tonight is over. Which means that this whole plan may actually work.”

    He began to giggle as well in his gravely timbered voice. I was giddy as fuck. The risk of exploding was no longer a problem as far as I knew. After the giggle fit stopped, I began to feel relaxed and started to pick apart the deactivated collar. Hancock just sat there and watched me, puffing on Jet inhalers one after the other. He was on his fourth one. “It’s crazy what you can do with junk. Where did you learn to do things like this?”

     “My dad was an engineer for the vault. He taught me a lot of things. I read several books on different electrical shit when I was younger but I didn’t really understand a lot of it until I started tearing things apart. We had lots of books on this and that. It was kind of our thing… We would spend evenings reading together. Didn’t matter what the book was. I.. uh… I wasn’t a popular kid so it got boring staring at nothing but steel and rock after a while. When I was enslaved, taking shit apart and putting it back together provided a source of normality to me and then it became a necessity.” I stopped talking suddenly and realized I haven’t really talked about the vault or my father for years. I haven’t thought about my dad for just as long. _Too painful._

    He looked fascinated as he listened. However, something was wrong with him. He seemed extremely uncomfortable. He kept shifting in his seat and picking his clothes off his skin like it irritated him. I thought maybe he was hot in the basement but it was cooler down here than it was upstairs. Just stuffy is all. Then I realized it was probably _“his nerves”_ as he says. Sometimes I forget he’s a ghoul as weird as that sounds. I wondered if all ghouls went through what he did. I decided to speak up about it as I worked. “You know, just because it was my drug of choice to OD on doesn’t mean you can’t do it in front of me.” I felt a bit ashamed saying it but I knew it was the only thing that really took the edge off for him. He looked at me a bit surprised but didn’t hesitate to pull out a syringe of MedX. I watched him in my peripheral though. The relief that filled his eyes, face, and body when he pushed the tab was always noticeable. “So you going to tell me what that’s all about?” I said to him while I placed the battery pack back into the collar and connected a wire to the light housing.

     He seemed like he was in deep thought and his mouth slacked like the words would come out at any moment but then he closed his mouth and stayed silent. “Come on. It’s only fair. You know about the vault and a good chunk of my life since then.” I flashed him a greedy smile. It occurred to me that I don’t know much about the man but he knew a whole lot about me. I really didn’t mind that he knew where I came from but it wasn’t knowledge I wanted spread around. It seemed like “vaulties”, as they called us, were preyed upon out in the wastes. I trusted him with the information but I didn’t want him to think I was completely helpless. I hoped that I had proved myself capable enough since meeting him. Especially after tonight.  “Well… I got dealt a bad hand.” He finally said.

     “A bad hand? Like… becoming a ghoul?” I said ignorantly. “Sorry that didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.”

     He looked amused at first but it eventually fell to a frown. “No. Not exactly. I don’t regret becoming a ghoul but it can be a pain in the ass at times. It effects everyone differently. It can cripple people or give them things like excellent hearing or abnormal strength. Some live longer than others and some immediately go feral. A lot of folks don’t survive the ghoulification process, ya know?”

     “You and your sister did though.” I said softly.

      “The pain never went away for us. Hers was regret and mine was physical. That’s the hand I’ve been dealt. I’m quite resilient, hard to kill by natural means, but my nerves are shot. When I became a ghoul, it exposed a lot of the nerve endings. Doctor tells me I got some disorder where they are hyper aware to the environment and skin contact. Something like… my nerves are sending the wrong messages to my brain causing the sensation of pain… some shit like that.” He licked his lips and looked away. “It feels like hot needles and knives that eventually sink into my bones. It isn’t the kind of pain I’m into.”

     _Ah. He isn’t a junkie by choice._ I assumed. It was amazing that he could even function. _Resilient indeed._ “Doctor? There are doctors for ghouls? I mean… I imagine there would be but I’m curious if the physiology is different.” I stopped tinkering to look at him with curiosity. It was all so fascinating to me.

     He chuckled and nodded. “There’s the one ghoul doctor... Yea. He’s actually a prewar ghoul. Guy was a surgeon before the bombs.” His eyes flitted to the activated collar and then back to me. “Good guy. Couldn’t tell ya about the biology of it all besides what you see on the surface.”

     “So… how did you end up like this?”

     “Damn. You don’t quit, do you?” He grinned.

     “Sorry...”

     “Nah, it’s alright, Kitten… I did it to myself.”

      I put the collar down and looked him in the eyes to see if he was joking. _Why would he want to do this to himself?_ I didn’t have the courage to ask him why he did it but I still wanted to know how it worked. _Becoming a ghoul by choice?_ The only way I knew of was from the bombs and high doses of radiation. It was always an accident or misfortune, not a wanted choice. “May I ask how… you did that to yourself?”

      “I don’t think you’ll stop asking about it if I don’t.” He smiled and then told me about Diamond City, Goodneighbor and his sister. The shit he had been through was tough. Trying to do good by others just to end up having the worst happen in every situation, every time. When he talked about Anya, his dark eyes got brighter. He was so fond of her. Their bond was close and it was sad to know it fell apart. It was sad to know she was gone and he didn’t get to say goodbye. He then told me about how they had taken some type of radiation drug he described as _“So worth it.”_ He was insane, he had to be. So was Anya for that matter. Beyond them being bat shit crazy… I didn’t judge them further for it. I couldn’t. I had been trying to run my whole life and so had they in their own way. I became fonder of him if that was even possible at this point. He had a good heart and good intentions.

     The more he poured himself out, the more he seemed to become agitated though. It became obvious to me that it hurt him a lot more than he led on, all his running. He even admitted to it being the reason he turned ghoul. He didn’t want to have to face himself anymore. He wanted to be someone else.  _I wanted to be some else too._  I stopped questioning him and touched his hand softly. I smiled at him and spoke “At least you ran for a reason, Hancock. You tried to help those people when no one else would. You tried to help your sister and you did. She was where she wanted to be as hard as that is to accept and you are here with me about to tear a place down that kills people and tears families apart. You aren’t a coward, you’re a good man with a lot of misfortunes.”

     He smiled and relaxed a little. “Coming from you… that means a lot.”

    I began to tell him more about the vault instead of talking about his past. He seemed intrigued and grateful for a change in subject. He leaned on the table as I tinkered away at the collar. I was rewiring and soldering away as I spoke. “When I saw rain for the first time… it was beautiful. All those book’s descriptions couldn’t hold a candle to the real thing. Part of me wants to be glad I’m out of there…but I miss it. I miss my dad. I miss being naive and safe.”

     “Well... I may not be an underground bunker with a 13-ton steel door, but I’ll do my best to keep you safe.” He said coolly.

      I felt my cheeks get warm and tingle. He put on a mischievous grin. “Besides, I think your still a little naïve.”

    He wasn’t wrong about how naive I was. In a way, I always have been. There was still so much more I had to learn about the wastes and its people. However, he seemed so sincere about keeping me safe that I couldn’t even pretend to be mad at his statement. I just focused on my work, hoping he couldn’t see my face blushing.

     “I’ve got your back too...” I said eventually.

     I finished putting the last few screws into the dissected collar and turned my focus to my old collar. It looked dirtier than the one I had just worked on. Blood, skin, and who knows what caked in the crevices. The light blinked, waiting for the signal to turn volatile. I gently picked it up and duct-taped the extra packet of explosives to it. I sighed as I placed the collar on the table close to Hancock after the job was finished. I didn’t want to touch the thing ever again.

      We had been down here for a few hours now and exhaustion was kicking in. Now that we were done… it was time for the collar to go back on. At least it was nice knowing it wouldn’t explode. I just hated the weight. Hated what it represented. “I don’t want to do this.” I caught myself saying out loud. Hancock gave me a sympathetic look and without missing a beat he spoke. “You don’t have to. We could take off right now. You and me.”

     My heart leapt from my chest at the idea. It was tempting, but selfish. He was giving me an out and I was grateful for that. “No…” I whispered.

       I couldn’t. It was so much more than an escape for me at this point. Fuck, I had walked myself back here for revenge to end up seeking freedom again. We all needed to be free. Ehren had to die. It wasn’t a decision to be made. It was what had to be done. I smirked at the virtuousness in that. “Better to die a hero than to die a coward.” I said as I tried to sound cool.

     “Amen, sister.” He shot me a toothy grin. He motioned to the collar. “Allow me.”

     He rose from his chair and picked up the collar. He was standing behind me again and put his arms around me to position the collar. The vile gadget rested on the front of my neck and I held it there as he fitted the leather strap. I couldn’t help but cringe. Just feeling the weight of it back on my neck made my heart heavy. It was slightly lighter than my old collar but it still weighed my soul down none the less. He started snapping the locks into place. The collar began to buzz again like it was alive. He froze. His fingers near my neck. “I took out the explosive, remember?” I giggled and pointed to the package of hazardous material that was taped to the other collar.

     He stepped back to take a look at my craftsmanship. “Looks convincing enough. The light doesn’t blink anymore though. Think he’ll notice?”

     “I hope not. I don’t think the majority will notice but… he might.”

     “Well hopefully it will be too late by then.” He sneered and began hiding the bandage in the collar.

     When he was finished, I got out of the chair and turned to him. I pulled him into the hug this time and kept it brief. “Thanks for helping me not explode. Thinking about it now, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”

     “Of course, Kitten.” He said into my hair proudly. “And like I said… you’re still a little naïve.”

     I scoffed at him but I still smiled.

     “So… How do you plan on getting the remote?” He asked.

     I shot him a glance and started to clean up the table. I knew he wouldn’t like my answer. So, I didn’t. He grew rigid as smoke poured from his ruined nose. “Alright… need to know basis. Got it” He said darkly.

      “I got a plan…” I mumbled. “Think you can do one more thing for me?”

     “What ya need?” He was watching me intensely.

     “Mags has a radio that has a fission battery in it. She isn’t going to appreciate it but I need you to take it apart, get the battery, and a couple of things that is attached to it. Once you do, see if she can get Mole Guy to bring it up to me. It’s important.”

     “I don’t know the first thing about doing the cool shit you just did but I’ll give it a try.” He smirked. “Who’s Mole Guy?” He asked and then chuckled at the name.

     “The one that escorted me from the brothel and now here. He’s guarding the door right now.” I motioned upstairs. “You could say he’s my handler if you were so inclined.”

     “Ah. Yea… him.” He grunted out. “The guy with the benzodiazepines.”

      “The what?”

       “Fancy word for sedatives.” He amended and then warned. “Strong shit he’s got and it ain’t cheap.”

     I just looked at him an inquisitive look. “Never heard of it before.”

      “You know your way around a radio and I know my way around chems” He jested. 

     “Here.” I changed the subject and looked to my pocket. “I have some instructions written up for you to use.” I pulled the folded and stained paper out and handed it to him.

   He gave me a curious glance and then unfolded the instructions. “What? You wanna talk shop? Cause I can teach you a thing or two on how to make some really nice mentats.”

     I smirked. “I might just take you up on that offer one day.”

      He took a quick look at the instructions. His facing growing more cynical by the second. “You expect me to be able to do this without breaking something?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

     “Yes, I do! I believe you are more than capable. Those radios are easy as hell to take apart. You’d be surprised.” I started packing my things and the scraps I pulled out of the collar.

     “So… why do you need the battery and… other… attachments?” He said as he looked back down to the instructions. He rubbed his scarred chin as he read it over.

     “I need it to power the transmitter to the collar. If I know Ehren… and I think I do very well… He will notice the remote is missing shortly after I’ve taken it. We won’t even get the chance to start the party. So, I have a plan to get the remote from him without spoiling the fun for everyone else.” His eyes flicked up to meet mine and narrowed. “…When I have it, all I have to do is take the transmitter out and he won’t know the wiser.”

     “You’re making your own remote and deactivating his.” He said as a sideways smirk appeared on his lips. “You’re damn resourceful, Kitten. It really is a shame that you’ve been locked in a cage. The shit you could have accomplished by now.”

     “It wasn’t always like that.” I declared. “I used to have a lot of freedom. Still had my own room… Just no bars for a door or window.” I swallowed thickly. “That was before I realized Ehren’s intentions with me though.” I replied and began to pack up my things faster. The conversation steering somewhere I didn’t want it to.

     “Well it’s like that now. Can’t say I blame you.” He mumbled as he looked over at the knocked-out raider. “You don’t think he will notice you tampering with the remote? You said it yourself… It isn’t like the man lets it out of his sight unless he leaves it with one of his higher-ranking men.”

     I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair to pull it out of the bun. I leaned on the back of the chair I had been sitting in. “He will be too distracted and tired to notice.”

     “Your confidence worries me…” He said accusingly.

      “I’ll be fine.” I tried to reassure him. “I’ll see you soon then?” I tried to sound hopeful and turned to him.

      It was getting late. A dangerous level of late. Patrol shifts would change soon. The conversation had taken a turn for the worst but… Just seeing his face made me smile. He was worried about me and it felt damn nice to have someone care about me. Damn good…

      “I’ll see you soon, Kitten.” He returned the smile. “Stay alive.”

      “You too, John. After all this is over, I expect you to be waiting there for me with a canister of jet.”

     His grin grew bigger at the use of his first name. “You can count on it.”

     He picked up the now highly explosive slave collar and pocketed the folded instructions. I grabbed my shit and began to walk back to the stairs. I chanced a glance at him before I turned the corner. He was pushing the unconscious raider with his boot. “Ya alright there?”

     I made a face to try not to laugh. The guy didn’t budge and Hancock turned his attention away from him. He started looking at the beams and distillery barrels. I imagine he was trying to decide where he wanted to plant the collar. I smiled and tried to burn the image of him into my brain. I wouldn’t see him again until it was all said and done. Maybe it was the last time I was ever going to see him.

     I made my way up the stairs and knocked twice. As promised, Mole guy was there to open the door and escort me. He sighed in what sounded like relief. “Cutting it close, aren’t you? Shift changes in about two hours. Glad to see you didn’t blow yourself up though.” He smirked as he looked at my new collar. “Remarkable.”

    It was worrying that he could tell the difference but I still returned the smirk. “Thanks.”

     We made our way back up just in time to see the other guard shift in his sleep. He looked peaceful and harmless… a silly sight to behold. I was locked back up and I went straight to bed. I was exhausted but I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept thinking about how to kill Ehren. That as soon as I saw him, I’d want to rip him to pieces. I had to wait a few days for him to return and then withstand his aggression for just one day. That’s it. Honestly, I didn’t know if I could wait. I didn’t want him to touch me or be near me. _Don’t be a coward._  


	8. Montien Come Down: Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has non-con/rape, drug use, extreme violence, and gore. MMM LOTSA GORE!
> 
> Play this song when shit hits the fan. WORTH IT!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST2H8FWDvEA

     Days passed and no word from Mags or Hancock. I tried not to feel sad about it and worried that maybe something went wrong. I had to remind myself that if something had gone wrong, I’d hear about it. These raiders loved to gossip. I’m sure if Hancock was discovered, it would be the talk of the place. I was relieved that it wasn’t the case but I was hoping to have the battery by now. Tomorrow was the big day and I had wanted to have it ready for when I got the transmitter. I spent the days considering what to do if I couldn’t get the transmitter. I had several options but none were as good as the element of surprise we had planned. Something that could potentially save my life.

     Today’s the day Ehren is supposed to arrive. I haven’t gotten out of bed yet. No point in it. I’d just pace like a caged animal. It was only a couple of hours later when, as promised, the commotion of raiders told me he was here. Everyone’s attitude changed when Ehren was around. Harder set statures, mouths quiet, hurried steps, and thick fear in the air. _Today is going to be tough to get through._ I sighed, rolled over in bed and looked out the window. It was raining again. The slow trickle of water drops on the window reminded me of blood. That’s when I decided I didn’t want to shoot him. I’d stab him right through his heart and rip it out for him to see. I wanted to let his blood drip down my arms like the rain did on the windows. I knew better though. It was a dumb move if I valued my life at all. _Put him down with the gun and save your own life._ I buried my face in the scratchy makeshift pillow and groaned. All my anger pounded in my chest and I found myself biting into the bitter tasting pillow. _I don’t want to do this anymore._

     I closed my eyes tightly as I heard the barred door unlock. “Already in bed for me?” Ehren spoke softly. _Just one more day._

     He didn’t seem like his usual self. He wasn’t upset or angry. Wasn’t drunk. He seemed happy. It was confusing and made me more anxious than usual. He crawled in bed and turned me over onto my back. He straddled me and pinned me. I hated it but I let my legs separate to cradle his hips. The pressure of his body on me made me feel nauseas. He whispered in my ear making my skin crawl with discomfort. “I got good news, gorgeous. Soon, we are going to be filthy rich and live away from all these animals. You can have your own house to roam instead of just this room. I’m going to start a new business. Somewhere new. How does that sound?” He pulled back to judge my reaction.

 _You’re the fucking animal. Bastard… pig…_ _My mind came up with several colorful descriptions of him as I stared at him._ I stayed silent and studied that manic grin that I had become familiar with. I guess I was looking for something human. Anything compassionate or kind. _Kill him now before he can hurt you._  The look in his eyes made me sick… What I was about to do made me sick. But… He provided me with an opportunity I couldn’t refuse. An opportunity he had presented so many times and I knew he would time and time again until he was dead. This time, I was going to play along. “Sounds lovely…” I whispered. I leaned up and kissed him. He looked shocked but opened his mouth to me. His bad breath making the kiss as unpleasant as possible. My nose scrunched in protest. He parted from me and looked at me dumb founded. “The fuck was that for?” He asked softly. Confusion was written all over his dumb face.

     “I’ve been thinking...” I said quietly.

     He immediately frowned. “About what? Escaping again? I know your tricks, Naiema…” he said with venom as he touched my chin and brought it closer to his stained teeth and chapped lips. He doubted my willingness but that never stopped him before.

_Sell it._

     “I love you…” I said quietly and meek. Tears formed in my eyes and I let them fall. I felt like I had just sold my soul to the devil himself by saying that. It hurt to say it. Not because it was true and some kind of stockholm syndrome revelation. It just struck a chord with me. This is first time I would tell someone I loved them in this way. It would be him and a complete lie. Another reminder of all the moments he has stolen from me. So many first times and things he has taken. I used my pain to sell the lie. Still, I felt just as cruel as him. Like some part of me was molded by his conditioning, crafted to be cold-blooded. A callous reptile.

    _He_ brought my lips to his slowly and kissed me. For the first time ever, he was gentle with his kisses. It was intimate and slow. For a moment, I imagined what it would have been like between us if he wasn’t a complete monster. _Unnatural._ I began to peel off his leathers and shirt and he did the same for me. All gentle and light. All an act for both of us. _If I can’t kill him now, I’d get the remote today and kill him tomorrow._ I reasoned. I swallowed hard as things got heated. It didn’t take long for him to fall back into his habits and get rougher with me. I willed the bile coming up my throat down as his excitement rubbed against my leg. He grunted into my ear and then spoke seductively. “I’ve been wondering if you’d ever come around or if I should just put you out of your misery. Don’t worry, I’ll play nice today if you do.” He lifted himself off of me and began to bark orders at the raiders standing next to my door. One of them was Mole Guy. “Get the fuck out of here if you know what’s good for you.” The second floor cleared out almost immediately and his hands flew to his pants. Impatient to devour me.

     He went on pummeling my soul for hours. Chanting sweet diseased nothings into my ear now that he felt his “love” being reciprocated. I came close to cumming several times, but the man wasn’t that generous to allow it or care. It was more of a reaction to the stimulation than something I wanted from him anyway. Maybe if I got out here and recovered from all this, it would be something I wanted. Right now… It was one of the only things I had left that he wouldn’t touch. Eventually, he wore himself out and the pain inside me subsided. He seemed tired and his eyes drowsy. I was exhausted myself but sleep wasn’t an option. I wrapped my arms around him and looked at him. I tried to imagine what he would be like if he wasn’t a slaver. If he wasn’t such a heartless and cruel bastard. It was easier this time around as his face relaxed the lines of his face. I wondered what he was like with Mags as a kid. After all, no one is born a monster, not even in the wastes. I kept at these thoughts to keep from killing him right there on the spot. So vulnerable and foolish. My attempts to soothe the rage were all in vain. It didn’t stop the pain on and in my body. The longing for revenge and freedom. It couldn’t stop the bloody memories he had provided for me in horror.  _I’m going to kill you. Do you know that?_  He blinked at me and smiled. I kindly returned it, feeling fake and uncomfortable. Feeling wrong.

     “Rest… you’ve had a long week.” I shifted in the bed to pull him close.

      “I love you Naiema. Don’t ever forget that.” He sighed out in contentment.

 _“Don’t ever forget that.”_ It was something Mags had said to me so many times. I’d like to think he took after her, but that was far from the truth even if he tried to mimic her sentiment. She was all for her son’s death, oddly enough. She knew it was necessary but I knew she would still mourn him. It was a sad reality. I hoped that one day, I can make it up to her and she will forgive me for the things I’m going to do to her own flesh and blood, if she hadn’t already.

    “I love you too.” I eventually replied, though my thoughts said a very different thing.

 _I_ _Fucking Hate You._

     I felt heavy and vile as I waited until his breathing evened out and he was in a deep sleep. As soon as I thought it was safe enough, I slipped out of bed. My insides complaining along the way. Time was of the essence and I could not fuck this up. I quickly went through his clothes before anyone would come to check in and see me. Minutes rolled by and I couldn’t find it. _Where the fuck is it!?_ I checked every pocket, every seam. Nothing. I sat on the floor defeated. I had pretended to be submissive so I could have a chance at getting the remote without blowing the plan. I had told him I loved him for fucks sake. Yet, here I was. The plan falling apart and looking like my fate was sealed. _Should I make him push the button then? Kill him now and shoot our way out? How am I supposed to get the message to Mags and Hancock? Mole Guy isn’t here. FUCK!_

_I’m out of options…_

My eyes lowered to the floor and then across the room to the bed where he was snoring. Feeling defeated, stray tears rolled over my cheeks. I wasn’t usually a crier but these past few days have been high strung and intense. I could feel the world swallow me in that moment. A familiar darkness settling in. The same one that guided me to MedX. I shook my head and dried my damp cheeks. _Stop feeling sorry for yourself._ I laid on the cool floor and wondered how far I could make it with that 10mm I’ve had hidden away.  _Is it enough ammo to get to John?_ I turned over on my belly and propped myself up on my elbows. I let me face fall to my hands. I dug my palms into my eyes as I tried to think of ways out of this. _You know what you must do and you have to do it now while no one is watching._ I lifted my head and glared across the room to where I had hidden my gun. A piece of ruined wallpaper that hid one of the various holes in the wall.  A small part of me was getting excited that I get to kill Ehren now. However, something peculiar caught my eye.

 

     _Blink……. Blink…….. Blink……_   _What’s that?_ A faint red light flickered on and off from one of his boots under the bed. I crawled over to it like a savage, forgetting about the gun. Inside was the remote. I sighed deeply and picked it up with delicate fingers. Curious how one little piece of plastic and wires could influence my life in such a way. Once it was in my hands, I went for the tiny screwdriver Hancock had gifted me. I quietly tip toped to the broken-down nightstand and pulled out the screwdriver. I backed away from the bed incase Ehren woke up. He was facing towards me. Once I was out of his direct line of sight, I quickly peeled the remote apart. _Careful… careful… Don’t want to set it off prematurely…_ I stopped rushing and steadied my breathing. With shaky hands, I slowly pulled out everything from the remote’s casing. I detached the transmitter and concealed it under the bed and covered it with clothes. Ehren started to shift in bed and I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs. _Out of time!_ I snatched the remote casing and screwdriver and made quick work of it. I tossed the screwdriver under the bed as well and rushed to the other side of the bed where his boots and back were. I dropped it back into the steel toed shoe and shoved it under the bed just like I had found it.

     “Boss?” Someone called from the stairs. Ehren woke up without me being there and began to turn over. As soon as he went to turn around to look for me, I ran for him. When I got to the edge of the bed I dove and tackled him. “WHAT THE FUCK!” he shouted angrily. He went to hit me but I just smiled at him. The sweetest smile I could possibly possess. I considered for a moment whether to continue this loving facade with him or not. _I need to distract him. Make sure it never crosses his mind that I may have tampered with the remote. Keep him occupied._  I realized that intimacy wasn’t going to do the trick as he stared at me expectantly. “Hello, love.” I said delicately. He hesitated and went to smile back but as soon as he did I slapped him as hard as I could. The smack resounding loudly through the room. Three raiders rushed to the door at the noise. Ehren looked so shocked. It was gratifying to see that emotion on his face. I’d never seen it before and I hoped to see it again. “Fucking Bitch!” he growled angrily and decked me right in the nose as retaliation.

     My head jerked back and I could feel my brain smash against the back of my skull. I just laid there next to his now kneeling body and laughed. I laughed like I hadn’t done it in years. My eyes flashed to him and he looked concerned as if he had punched me into a feral.  _You don’t own me anymore. I own this fucking place now. I’m free._

     I wanted to say it out loud but I couldn’t. We had made it too far now for me to fuck it up for everyone because I felt wild. I had succeeded in distracting him for now and would continue to do so. He had no idea that he couldn’t blow me up, that I could just walk out of here with his balls in a vice. He hadn’t even noticed that the light to my collar didn’t blink anymore or that it was a totally different one to begin with. It was absurdly gratifying. I was having way too much fun watching him be oblivious. Taking my pent-up anger out on him seemed like a great way to pass the time now. I knew he wouldn’t kill me. It’s something I thought about a lot. I never really knew why he wouldn’t. The bomb collar wasn’t for actually killing me. It was to keep me here. All I had to go off of was him constantly choosing me to be by his side. He just sold his whole empire to make me a house slave, wife, fuck toy, or whatever he wanted to call me. He could keep any slave he wanted to, even his own mother but no… he chose me. His last big mistake.

     _Fuck it. Fuck you._  I had already accepted I couldn’t beat him in hand to hand combat but it didn’t matter, I needed some kind of release and there was only one kind I was willing to get from him. I wiped the blood out from under my nose but it kept bleeding over my mouth. While he was distracted with the blood on my face and hand, I threw another punch at him. _Too slow._ He caught it in his fist then twisted my fist and arm, making my body comply to his will. “You want to play rough, eh? I’ll fucking show you rough! Show you like I did last time!”

      I forced all my weight in his direction and head butted him. Our skulls collided, though it dazed me more than him. While I was momentarily fuzzy, he overpowered me and took me right there on the spot again. This time he fucked my ass. My arms pinned uncomfortably behind my back, ass in the air as my back forcibly arched from his weight. It seemed to be his new form of punishment for me. It burned and tears welled in my eyes. Raiders watching and all. But… I just laughed through the pain. I finally understood why Hancock laughed the way he did when he was in that box. Laughing made it so much easier to deal with and ignore the brutality of it all. Ignore the pain. Besides… my dignity has been gone for a long time now but tomorrow I’d regain every bit of it back. _This is only temporary._ I repeated the mantra over and over.

     Ehren finally retired for the night. It took most of the day but he grew bored after I got too tired to fight back. I had managed to waste his whole day and was proud that I could even last that long. I won’t lie… I began to regret instigating our little battle further. It wasn’t my original intentions if I was being honest with myself. My body hurt and so did my nose. I couldn’t decide which pain was worse. Every time I moved, I was reminded. However, staying still allowed my mind to wander and it was going a thousand miles per minute by now. I kept replaying all the bad things that had happened to me because of him. What amped me up more was not really what he did to me but what he did to the people around me. The people I loved and the people I didn’t ever get the pleasure to know. My anger was boiling again and I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to. I decided to get up. My body revolted against me and strained as I stood. I grabbed my pack of smokes and pocketed them. I walked to my barred door with a mild limp and wrapped my hands around the bars. I looked at the guard and then around the room for another. There was only one. I guess with Ehren being here and “putting me in my place” he didn’t feel the need to put an extra guard up tonight. Still… it would have been a lot easier if it was Mole Guy. “Yo.” I said to the guard. When he didn’t reply, I said it again louder.

     “What!?” He hissed. “You know we aren’t supposed to talk to you anymore.”

     “Let me out on the porch. I won’t cause any trouble… I just want to get some fresh air and smoke a cig.”

     “Hell no. Get lost.”

     “I can’t. I live in this room remember?” I chuckled.

     He looked embarrassed and then angry. “No shit. It’s still a no. So… Fuck off or… something.”

     “Come on!” I whined. “Just for a few minutes? I’ll be back in before anyone sees.”

     “The answer is no, bitch!” He said through teeth and turned to face me.

     When he looked me in the eyes, I dropped my gaze and grinned at him. I licked my lips. “What about for a kiss and some ball fondling?” I propositioned and waggled my eyebrows pathetically.

     That got his attention. His eyes widened and then he smiled. He turned to face me completely now. His eyes looked so desperate and longing. “You won’t tell Ehren right?”

     “Only if you let me on the porch for a bit.” I grinned harder at him and pressed myself against the bars. _Same old routine…_ _They fall for it every time._

     “I didn’t know you were such a slut! I guess I should of known after today’s display, huh? I bet you like it kinky too don’t you?” He said and then quickly started fumbling with the front of his pants.

     I rolled my eyes at his eagerness. “You have to open the door to come in here… or do you not want to fool around?”

     “Oh! Right.” In a hurried pace, he unlocked the door and turned around to open it. His hand holding up his unzipped pants.

     I shoved the door open as hard as I could. His skull echoed against the bars and he slumped over onto the floor. _Man… that felt good._ I listened for anyone who may have heard the ruckus that had just transpired. The bars still vibrated in my hand from the impact. I could only here the irradiated frogs croak and the mutated crickets chirp outside. Inside Montien… it was quiet. Almost too quiet for me to be comfortable. I stepped outside of my room and looked to the door that led to the balcony. _It’s been too long since I got to be out there..._ I stretched as I stepped over the bleeding guard and seethed as the stiffness of my muscles complained. I looked at the unconscious fellow and beamed. I felt a new since of freedom and risk now that they had no control over me. _What are they going to do? Blow me up?_ I chuckled to myself quietly as I pulled my pack of cigarettes from my pocket. I pulled one out as I went for the door. I stepped outside onto the balcony and patted myself down for matches. The door clicked shut softly as I realized I didn’t have any on me. “Hmmm.” I hummed in disappointment.

     I was about to turn around to go get one off the unconscious guard when a hand came out of the darkness wielding a flip lighter. It lit the tip of my cigarette with ease and then flicked the lighter shut. I was startled for a moment but then smiled as I took a drag. I should have been frightened but there was only one man around here who would light my tobacco for me. “Evening Hancock… Fucking wonderful to see your face again.” I said in good spirits.

     I could faintly see the cherry of his cigarette in the dark shadow that Montien casted. It glowed as he inhaled. “Like it? I think it gives me a sexy king of the zombies kinda look. Wish I could say the same about your mug right now.” He laughed and gestured to my nose. "Lookin like that but in a good mood? I take it you got the transmitter.” I gave him a victorious smile and nodded.

     He took another puff of stale smoke and his exhale sounded satisfied with my answer. “Good.”

     The fresh air felt nice. Chill bumps rose over my skin as he stepped into the piercing moonlight. His grin shining through the cool dark. The breeze ghosting my skin. I could see him better as he stepped out of the shadows. The moonlight casting soft shapes to reveal his handsome and torn face. He spoke in a low voice. “For a minute there, I thought you were going to miss our last jet session together.”

     I couldn’t help but soak up his image. The way the soft light accentuated his jaw and the ripples that ran along it. His smile that brought a thrill and a touch of warmth to me. We hadn’t planned on meeting again but I was grateful it turned out that way. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” I replied. I could feel my cheeks heating up. “I thought we made a deal that we’d trip together after we got out of here.”

     He stepped closer and flicked his burnt down cigarette butt to the side. “Yea but I got a present for ya. Wanted to give it to you myself.” He reached into his pocket. “Sorry it took so long… radios don’t look nearly as complicated on the outside as they do on the inside. Your instructions came in handy though. You still got to time to rig it up, right?” He pulled out a battery the size of his palm. He looked a little worried as he held it up.

      I sighed in relief as he held it out for me to accept. At the sound of my mitigation he seemed more at ease and grinned mischievously. I put my hand over his and spoke softly. “There’s plenty of time. Just got to connect it to the battery is all. Once again my knight in shining armor has come through for me. Thank you...” I slowly receded my hand, taking the battery with me.

     He huffed and looked amused. “Might I add, dashing?”

     I didn’t agree with him out loud but I giggled and cut him a look of admittance. I took a closer look at the battery and smiled at the fact it was in perfect condition. The equipment was old as fuck. He must have been meticulous when pulling it out. One easy pull and the wires would snap they were so brittle. I half expected to be replacing wires tonight but it would seem he saved me a lot of repair time. “Didn’t do a bad job either…” I simpered.

      He dodged the compliment with ease. “Wasn’t so bad. You’ll have to teach me some things when we get out of here. I can think of several things that skill can come in handy for.”

     “Oh yea?” I asked playfully. It sounded like an innuendo. “Like what?”

     “Getting old security doors open, disarming or making traps, you know… Party lights, shit like that.”

     “Party Lights?!” I laughed and unintentionally snorted. The pain from my nose shot through my skull suddenly. My eyes closing tightly as my hand shot up to the offending crushed cartilage.

 “Shit, kitten. Your nose is all kinds of fucked up. Come here. It’s going to be crooked the rest of your life if you don’t set it. Probably got a lot of built up pressure in it as well from the swelling.”

     I let my hand fall from my nose and took a long drag off my cigarette. I flicked the ash off the stoge and gave him a look of displeasure. Still, he looked determined as he put on hand on my arm. Coaxing me to come closer. His lips set in a fine line. I shrugged and leaned towards him, closing the gap. I was standing so close now that I could feel the heat radiate off of him. It felt nice in the contrasting cold night. He put one hand over my mouth and the other on my nose. “This is going to hurt. Stay still so we only have to do this once.” He spoke as I began to protest that his hand was over my mouth. Before I could protest further, he gave my nose a quick jerk. I felt the pressure built up in my nose release but a new sharp pain pierced my skull. I let out a muffled cry out into his hand and felt warm blood trickle out of my nose. “Your face is going to be purple for a week. Thought I told you to be careful.”

     “Well I’m alive, aren’t I?” I said as I leaned my head back and held my very tender nose.

     “I guess it could have been worse but I’m curious how you got the broken nose and the transmitter.” He said as he dug in his pocket again with one hand and gestured to my newly fixed nose with the other. “Here.” He said as he pulled out a handkerchief, wiped my blood of his hand and then handed it to me.

     “I’d rather not talk about it.” I said and then held the handkerchief to my nose. I wanted to be honest with him but couldn’t stand the thought of his judgement. He had already made it clear that the way I was treated and the degrading positions I put myself in to get a leg up made him uncomfortable. Sure, I picked a fight after I had secured the transmitter but the moments before then I had shared with Ehren...? The intimacy and the lies I had spun to manipulate him? It wasn’t something I was proud of and it wasn’t something I wanted Hancock to know about. He had to have some kind of an idea about what went down. He wasn’t stupid by any means.

     “Whatever you want, kitten. I just hate seeing you catch a beating or worse...” He said simply. He looked to the old rusted patio set that was out here. “Shall we?” He gestured over to it.

     I nodded, grateful to change the subject. We headed for the chairs like we used to. He had his favorite, and I had mine. Him to the left and me to the right. I sat down and pulled the handkerchief from my nose. The bleeding had stopped and I had to admit that even though my nose hurt, it already felt a lot better. “My deepest apologies.” I said as I waved the now soiled cloth. “I’m afraid it’s ruined now.” I tossed it onto the table.

     “No worries. Needed a new one any way.” He said with a smile.

      He handed me some Jet and put his pack of cigarettes on the table. I watched as he dug in his pocket and pulled out a syringe of MedX next. He made quick work of it. Always going back to the same pronounced vein that he usually shot up in. I began to love the sigh he let out as his flesh that betrayed him calmed. I took the last drag off my cigarette and put it out. I reached for the Jet and took two big inhales off it. I pulled out my own pack of cigs and got another one out. In the slow stupor the jet brought, I noticed in my peripheral that he was staring at me.

     “What? Something on my face?” I joked.

     “Real funny.” He huffed in amusement as tossed the empty syringe onto the table and rolled his sleeve back down. “I’ve been meaning to ask you. What’s your plan?” He asked somberly.

     “What do you mean?” I said as he lit up my cig for me again. The flame slowly licking the tip in the jet haze.

     “After this. After we get out of here. Where will you go?” His eyes never left mine as he spoke. The smoke from his own cigarette pooling out of his open nose. I could hear the apprehension in his voice.

     “Shit… I haven’t really thought about the where but more about the what. If we make it out of here alive, I imagine we are going to have a long walk ahead of us to find a new home for the girls and Mags. Can’t exactly abandon them after all this is said and done. After that… I‘m not sure. All I know, is that this will be the first time I’ll be truly free. No more running. No more people to give chase. A fresh slate. A new life.” I paused to gather my thoughts. “I want to learn… everything. I want to grasp the world and master how to survive in it. I’ve been shackled by some degree my whole life. Enslaved or not, there was always something keeping me from it and… I have so much to catch up on.” I took another drag off the cig as my eyes glazed over. Staring off into the sky as I imagined what it would be like to finally get to do the things I had only dreamed of.

     “It’s dangerous out there, Kitten. Why not settle down into a town for a while with Mags and her girls? Ya know, learn the ropes first.”

     I huffed in amusement. “I’ve already learned the ropes. It’s the stuff you learn beyond that I crave. Things like how to live off the land... What are the people like? The sane and ordinary ones… I should clarify. What’s the rest of the country look like compared to the pictures I grew up with? Which species of animal are left? How have they mutated and adapted? What’s left of the vault I grew up in? Just… so many questions… Call it trauma from being trapped my whole life but I don’t think I can ever imagine myself settling down. It feels like I’ve missed most of my life and I don’t want to waste any more time not experiencing it.”

     “It’s a death wish to go wandering around out there, you do realize that, right? The world is full of a lot more dangerous things than raiders. Not just the environment either… Like the very same mutated animals you want to see so badly. They aren’t cute and fluffy anymore now that they had to adapt to survive hell. Should I remind you about what the bear mutated into?” He kind of chuckled.

     I chuckled as well. “No, you don’t have to remind me.” I pulled up my sleeve to reveal the scars I still had from it. He eyes flashed to it and he reached out to touch it. I took a deep breath to not shiver from his soft leathery fingertips. “I know it all sounds so naïve of me, typical right? But… that’s what makes it so exciting. I never felt more alive than when I was out there seeing the world for the first time…”

      “The thrill of it all.” He added and withdrew his hand from me.

       “Yea...” I finished.

      He was quiet for a moment as if in thought. “I kind of wondered why you insisted on taking out Ehren alone. Makes you feel alive, doesn’t it? The risks and the rawness that comes with it…”

      I looked at him a bit dumbfounded. “I guess that’s a part of it…” I said slowly. He had a point as harsh as it was. “It’s just something I feel like I have to do. I’m sure someone else could do the job better than me when it comes down to it but… I feel like I won’t ever be able to live my life unless I see him die with my own eyes. Kill him with my own hands… It won’t turn out perfect, I’m sure, but I’ve waited for this moment for a long time and no one is going to take that peace away from me as long as I can help it.”

     He nodded in understanding but still looked a bit miffed. His lips set in a line as if he was disappointed in my answer. “Look, I know I can’t change your mind, Kitten. I know you feel like Ehren is your responsibility and I respect that. Trust me when I say, if anyone deserves to watch him burn and be the one that started the fire, it’s you. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to be alone when the shit goes down tomorrow. We are all going to be waiting for your ass on the other side and I expect you to be there.” He leaned back into his chair and folded his arms. “If we are doing the whole keeping promises thing, then I want you to make me a promise. Promise me you’ll get out of there alive after you kill the motherfucker.”

     “I can’t promise that…” I said honestly.

     “You can, Nai. Even lies can be forgiven but I want to know you’ll try.” He was still staring me down. His eyes burrowing holes into my soul.

     “I promise.” I said quietly, almost a whisper.

     He nodded and seemed satisfied. The line in his tense shoulders becoming relaxed again. “You’re nothing but trouble…” He smiled wearily. “I was a lot like you when I was a smoothskin.” He mumbled out as he propped his feet on the patio table.

     I grabbed the other jet inhaler and tossed it to him. He caught it with ease and just like we used to, puffed the sweet sticky fumes together. “That so?” I said with lungs full of jet. Letting it seep out into a mist as I said the words and then exhaled the rest. “From the looks of it, you’re still a hellion.”

     He sneered at me. “You bet your ass I am. Just a lot wiser. Gotten my ass kicked too many times…” He answered and then took a puff himself.

     “What about you, Hancock? What’s your plan?” I asked.

     He scratched his head and let out a long breath. “I’m not much for wandering... I used to be but I’ve seen my share of the wasteland to last a lifetime and the past month reconfirmed that for me. I got a few ideas for the future and some of those include where to take Mags and the others to safety. Ain’t got enough caps for Diamond City so that’s off the table. Bunker Hill might be a safe enough for the time being. It’s got its bigots though. Maybe I’ll relocate them to Goodneighbor if I can manage to clean all the shit out of there. I got big plans for that place.”

     “Big plans?” I asked with a smile. It was nice to see that he had aspirations even after everything he’d been through. A lot of people gave up just like I did not too long ago.

     The honeyed jet was filling my head as I watched the torn skin around his lips move. The muscle structure was fascinating to watch as it worked together to form the sweet words that came out of his mouth. I realized I could puff jet and watch him talk about things he believed in all day. Especially with that gravelly voice of his. “I need a place to go after everything is said and done. Goodneighbor is one of the only safe havens out there for ghouls like myself. It used to be slapped full of my kind of people and a place for my kind of trouble. Freaks, misfits, ghouls and humans coexisting, the kind of people who watched each other’s back and did it to be a good neighbor. Not because of caps or some bullshit social status. It used to live up to its name.” He took another big drag of jet and then continued. “Those people are dying in that town. It’s been taken over by a group of ruffians not much different than the fuck-ups here. They need help or there isn’t going to be a town left to go to. You’ve made me realize that there is a lot more that can be done to help people beyond leading them to safety. Make the changes most are too afraid or unwilling to make. Make places safe again instead of letting the powerful take advantage of the weak. You know, get my hands dirty. I think Goodneighbor is good place to start my crusade.” He said confidently.

     The more he spoke the more excited he got about his plans. I just smiled at him.  _I had inspired him?_ He was the one who had made all this possible. This grand scheme we had going. If anyone was inspiring, it was him. “I don’t think I can take any of the credit if I’m being honest but… I’d be happy to rest my head there when I get tired. I’m sure by then you’ll have the place clea….” My words postponed by a shuffling noise and a pained groan coming from the other side of the door.

     Hancock looked at me quizzically and then snorted out a laugh. “You only knocked him out? I figured you would want to stir up as much trouble as possible for tomorrow. Losing your touch, Kitten.” It sounded like a challenge.

     I narrowed my eyes at him and he winked at me. He stood from his chair, walked over to me, grabbed my hand and kissed the top of it in one fluid motion. He leaned to my ear quickly and whispered. “We both have promises to keep. See you on the other side, Sunshine.” Like a phantom he slipped back into the shadows as my cheeks flushed. I quickly flicked my cigarette off the balcony and made for the door in a rather frantic manner. I opened the door carefully, peeking my head inside. My guard for the night was getting up. Blood ran down his face and he looked at me. “Fuckin… bitch…”

     “All done outside! Thanks!” I ran to him and kneed his face. His head jerked back and he slumped over with a thud. If he didn’t have brain damage, he’d be discovered soon enough and Ehren would do what he did best. “That’s what you get for getting caught with your pants down.” I giggled at my own joke and went back out onto the balcony but Hancock was already gone.

     I swallowed hard as my heart threatened to beat out of my chest. I stood there and allowed myself to smile at the time we got to share tonight. I wish I had gotten the chance to tell him I appreciated the risk he took to visit me. “See you tomorrow, John.” I said quietly and went back inside.

     I poked the raider with my foot just to be sure he was out cold. He didn’t respond. Just jiggled lifelessly. I shrugged, stepped into my room, closed my door and didn’t bother to try and lock it back. I got to work on tinkering with the battery and transmitter. It felt like a blessing that the moon was bright tonight. The pale light poured through the window and made a natural lantern as I built the remote’s switch from spare parts. Everything that could be taken apart in my room and things I had collected provided everything that I needed. The telephone was priceless at this point.

     It took a few hours but eventually I had turned the sparse supplies I had into a home-made remote. With the flick of the switch, the transmitter would activate and send the signal. I was confident it would work but there was only one way to find out. It was tempting to try it. You know, test it to make sure it works even though it was a bad idea in general. I spent most of the night going over every inch to make sure it was perfect but I’d know how well I did soon enough. Regardless, I was going to shoot Ehren in the face anyway. If the handmade remote didn’t work, I’d take the original off his body and snap the transmitter back in. It left a lot of time for getting myself shot and not a lot for getting out but at the very least… everyone else would have a chance and Montien would be no longer.

     It didn’t seem to take long for the sun to start coming up. The sky slowly getting brighter and brighter as the minutes passed. I hid the remote and hopped into bed. My muscles ached as they relaxed. I stared at the moldy ceiling, the brightening sunlight dancing across the top. At least that was what the remaining high from the jet made it look like. It was peaceful. Like a calm before a storm. I felt eerily calm given tomorrow’s occasion. I expected to be amped up. Impatient even, but it seems Hancock had made my rage subside a significant amount with his gifts. Companionship, jet and reliability. It helped that he was captivating to look at. I smiled to myself and pulled the covers close. I promised I’d see him again and it was a promise I would strive to keep. I felt myself drifting to sleep as my eyea got heavy for once.

    

**.....**

 

     Late afternoon came all too soon. I hadn’t slept well in a long time and woke up alarmed when I realized how late it was. The only reason I was even startled awake was because Ehren came to the second-floor yelling and looking pissed off as usual. However, this time he was coming for me and only me. I sat up in bed with alarm. As I looked to my barred door, I noticed my guard hadn’t been killed nor was he brain dead. Peculiar thing was, my door was locked. He gave me an eat shit and die look before he moved out of Ehren’s way. As if he would exact his revenge on me. _Get in line._ The lump on his head was obvious but he covered up my little outing well enough. At least he was smart enough to avoid a bullet to the skull for his incompetence last night, unlike the many guards before him.

      “You had something to do with this didn’t you? What the fuck are you planning?” he spoke harshly as he punched in the code.

      “What?” I asked as I feared the worst had happened. Maybe I was a bit too carefree last night… _Did he find Hancock? Ehren knows the plan... He figured out my collar and the remote are deactivated._ “The fuck are you talking about?” I tried to feign ignorance but I knew I must have looked pale.

     He threw the door open and walked over to me with a brisk pace. I tried to back away but found my body was still groggy and extremely sore. His hand wrapped around my neck just above the bomb collar. He began to squeeze my wind pipe. I could barely breathe. “Don’t play fucking dumb Naiema! This bullshit that Mag’s is pulling... Ordering my men around? The Swans not only preformed a show at my expense but you attended it! Then today? Of all days? She intends to preform? Not even a fucking bashing would make her change her mind! Does any of this ring a fucking bell!?” He squeezed harder. I began to choke and panic. “Anytime she pulls weight here it has something to do with you! She knows something. She knows our secret. You… you had something to do with this! What do you two have planned?!” He seemed panicked more than angry now and threw me back to the bed. I gasped and coughed as the air felt like it burned my lungs.

     I glowered at him as I thought of how to handle this. _He doesn’t know everything then. Thank fuck Hancock is okay…_ “I didn’t tell her shit she didn’t already know. She’s the one that told me you were going to sell all of them… including her.” I rasped out as I rubbed at my throat and collar, making sure the bandage Hancock had hidden underneath wasn’t revealed. As soon as I caught my breath, I began to speak again before he could throw more accusations at me. “For fucks sakes Ehren, all you told me was that we were going to be rich and we were going somewhere new. Did you ever stop to think that maybe this is her way of saying goodbye to you? Kind of like a farewell, you know? She loves you even though you don’t deserve it!” He wasn’t buying it but I kept at it because it wasn’t far from the truth. “Don’t be so fucking heartless! You are her son… It’s bad enough you're selling her. Just let her have her moment… So what if she knows our secret?! What the hell is she going to do about it? I’ll tell you… Nothing! Because there isn’t anything we can do to stop this and you know it! Besides, she’ll probably sell this shit hole better than you fucking can. Shit, she may even be trying to help you…”

     He growled and went reared his fist back as if he was going to hit me then stopped. He was trying to intimidate me. “It sounds more like a fuck you by ordering around my men like she has some fucking power over them and then going against my orders but you know what… If she makes the deal look sweater to them than it already is… fine. I won’t have to deal with the nagging bitch for much longer anyway.” He said flustered. “But… I… swear… to.. god, Naiema!” He punched the wall above my head. “If I find out you are trying to pull some shit?! Ill blow your fucking head off and I don’t need this…” He pulled out the remote to my old collar. “…to fucking do it. Don’t ruin this for me or you. You’ll be fucking dead before you can regret it.”

     I should have been intimidated. I was up until this point in the conversation. He seemed so defenseless as he waved the remote around carelessly. All I needed was a bullet and I knew exactly where to find a gun in this very room. I just sighed and laid back on the bed. Doing my best to seem tranquil. “I’m tired Ehren.” I said simply. “There’s nothing here for me and there’s nothing out there for me. The only thing I know is you.” I closed my eyes and tried to be anywhere else. “You own me… there’s nothing left to do or plan. I just want to be happy again, that’s all. I know Mags does too and preforming makes her happy.”

     “I can make you happy. You know that right? I got big plans for us and you can help me achieve that. The two of us can have the world if you’d just let me take you there.”

     “What are these big plans?” I asked sincerely and opened one eye to look at him.

     “I can’t tell you that right now but as soon as we leave here, I’ll tell you everything. All I need you to do is be loyal to me. For once…”

     “Can you ever trust me again though? Will you be able to forgive me?” I asked pitifully. I sounded as pathetic as I felt.

     He didn’t say anything. Just watched me. However, I could see the stress in him deflate slowly. I sat up and spoke softly. “Come here.”

      He hesitated at first. A pang of pride hit me. _Was that fear?_ He cautiously settled next to me and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders casually. I pressed myself to him and planted a soft kiss to his dirty cheek. The closeness we shared felt wrong and I thought of how drastically different it felt versus when I held onto Hancock. At the thought of him, I tried to muster all the courage I could. I nuzzled Ehren’s neck and he reciprocated by planting his hands firmly on my waist. “Just enjoy yourself tonight. Soon we will be out of this fucking place and none of this will matter.” He shot me a look of apprehension but I kept pushing. “I don’t know if you care or not but I look forward to getting out of this room. Please give me at least that… Sell this place and take me somewhere I can live like a person… Your person.” I said softly.

      He looked sympathetic. I decided it wasn’t a good look on him since I never thought he was capable. For a moment, I could of swore I saw a glimpse of humanity in him. “Let me enjoy you for now…” I whispered to him and dragged my tongue up his neck. He tasted foul and salty but I swallowed anyway.

     His grip tightened and he positioned me into his lap firmly. I didn’t fight him about it and my obedience seemed to please him. He growled and kissed me hard. His ego stroked and his appetite needing to be satiated. His hands reached between my legs. The pain reminding me of how he treated me the day before. _I let him do what he wanted. As long as he didn’t suspect me, everything was in place to blow this cesspool up. All we had to do now was survive and to me, this was what I needed to do to survive. He eventually left to prepare for the show. If I wasn’t mistaken he seemed pretty positive about the prospects of tonight._

_So am I._

     It’s going to be evening soon and my nerves are starting to get the better of me again. I tried not to pace or seem anxious but as the hours ticked by, I kept going over the plan and became restless. _When is she going to kick this shin-dig off?_ I tried to push my thoughts away and kept going over where I had placed various weapons. Singing mantras to myself like I always did. The knife was under the mattress. The gun was in the cubby behind the wallpaper. The screwdriver in my nightstand along with the box that held Angel’s necklace. I wished that Mole Guy was my guard. I was curious where he had disappeared to since Ehren threatened them yesterday. If he was here, I’m sure I could convince him to get word on whether or not Ehren was going to be in the crowd. If Ehren wasn’t in the crowd, I’d have to hunt him down after the explosion. It would be the risky outcome and in all honesty, I kept thinking it would be better if he was up here during the show. He was less likely to hurt the people I cared about when shit hit the fan. I also took great pleasure in the fantasy where I’d make him watch me end his world and the Montien.

     I sat in my armchair and chained smoked with a book in my lap. I could feel the tar built up in my lungs from smoking too much these past few turbulent days. They weren’t taking the edge off for me today but I still smoked to pass the time. I decided to try reading. It reminded me of my dad and the evenings we used to spend together. Because of that memory, I’ve always found the activity to be calming for me. At least it used to be calming. The book I held now wasn’t doing it for me either. Instead, it served as more of a weight to ground me. At any minute, I felt like I was going to float away as I watched raiders go to and fro. I imagine part of the stress was the remote digging into my side. Neatly concealed and none the wiser. There wasn’t much calmness to be had while I held the trigger to the bomb I suppose.

     I watched as people walked about. I could tell there was a show tonight due to the traffic. Numbers were increasing. Raiders spreading out. The whole place felt like it vibrated with dark and fucked up energy. You could feel the movement throughout the floor. Like a diseased heart pulsing as the place came alive. It gave me chills that such a machine was allowed to exist. I allowed myself a smile at that thought. What looked to be me enjoying a passage in my book was me getting giddy about bringing down Montien. I liked the name Machine for Pigs more than Montien Boston.

     Night had fallen now and I’ve been lying on the edge of my bed. My feet planted firmly on the ground. I gave up on the book an hour ago. I sat quietly and listened. My eyes closed as I waited. As soon as I heard Mag's voice over the microphone, my eyes shot open and along with it a drop in the pit of my stomach. I sat up and looked at the body count on my floor. I stopped keeping track earlier cause it was constantly changing throughout the day. I could hear applause rise from the floor below. Now that things were settled and the show was starting, this seemed like a more reasonable count for what I was up against. There usually wasn’t a lot of traffic up here during a show anyway. All hands were down stairs making sure people stayed in line. This place was by and for raiders after all. The patrons tended to get rowdy from time to time.

     My eyes darted around. Ehren was nowhere to be seen but he placed two guards at my door today and I’m sure more at every escape route. It didn’t matter what had transpired between Ehren and I today. I had defused the situation but I did not gain his trust. I’m sure he was still suspicious of me and added extra security just in case. It unfortunate but I couldn’t fault his logic. Music began to play and I stood abruptly. _Showtime!_ It was more of a reaction than intentional. One raider turned and looked into the room as soon as I moved. "Don't be fucking stupid. Ehren said you might try something tonight."

     He placed both his hands on the weapon and pointed it at me. "It be a shame to waste away such a pretty girl. Why don’t you relax?"

     “Easy boys! Just need to take a piss is all.” I said with my hands up. I slowly walked over to where the closet and bucket were. “What’s the turn out looking like tonight?” I chanced to ask. If they didn’t answer it wasn’t like it mattered. I’d know soon enough.

     The guard grunted like he was annoyed but answered. “It’s a busy night. The Swans are putting on a show. You know the drill. Got a lot of top payers in the house tonight so the security has been doubled. So don’t do something you’ll regret. Ehren has strict instruction to keep an eye on you and shoot if you even look at us funny. Now shut the fuck up… I’m trying to hear Mags sing.” He turned around and resumed his post, gun at his side.

      “Jeeze. Sorry.” I chuckled out. I couldn’t help but smile as I bypassed the closet and went straight for my hidden 10mm. I had one clip so I had to make my shots count. As I went for the gun, the raider glanced back again and saw exactly what I was doing. “Shit!” He gasped in surprise.

     He swung his gun around and his buddy was doing the same as he tried to figure out what the hell was going down. The first raider fired off a shot as I threw myself to the ground away from the spray. He went to unlock my door but the 10mm was in my hand already. I aimed quickly and fired off one towards his head. It hit his skull full force. _Lucky shot!_ I ran towards the closet to get to the closest thing to cover I could get in this room. The other struggled with the code and then rushed into the room. He tried to aim his gun as soon as he got eyes on me. I fired off two shots with one landing in his chest and the other a miss. His shots sprayed high and I ducked down. Hundred-year-old plaster exploded into my face from the bullets. These walls were terrible for proper cover I realized. I looked up to see him gurgle and try to reload. I ran over to him and put the barrel to his head. I tried to catch him as he fell backwards. I slowed his fall down but it didn’t really do much good. His dead weight hit the floor with a dull thud.  _Damnit._   _There is no way they didn't hear all that commotion._  I quickly moved out of the room and was greeted by another raider. I moved fast and put the gun to his head. He froze and looked surprised that I got the drop on him. Another raider called up "What's going on? I heard gunshots."

     I spoke quickly before the man at gun point could react or sound the alarm. "Tell him everything is fine, just a couple of rad roaches or I'll splatter your brains." He went to grip his gun but I gripped mine harder and cocked the gun against his head. I readied my finger on the trigger as he hesitated.

     "Just a couple of rad roaches." he yelled out.

      "Damn. You guys need to work on your aim!" The one down the stairs replied and laughed.You could barely hear him over the blaring music but _I still smiled at his reply. He wasn’t entirely wrong._

     The raider staring me down looked salty as hell. "Good luck. He's never going to let you out alive." My hostage said quietly.

     "I know." I said weakly then hit him in the temple hard with the gun just like Ehren had done to me so many times. _No mercy. Show none._ His body jolted and I went in for another swing at his temple. The gun connected with his head with a crack. He went limp and hit the floor hard. His rifle dropping and popping off a rogue shot. I hissed as it grazed my arm. _Fucking shitty pipe rifles… So much for being stealthy._

     "The fuck was that?" The raider down stairs called again. I gripped my gun and stayed quiet. “Hey!? You guys alright up there?” He yelled when he didn’t get a reply.

     I wished he would stop fucking yelling. That would be great right about now. I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs. One pair. Just audible enough to hear over the music. I positioned myself quietly near the stairs and out of sight. As the raider topped the stairs, I rushed him before he could react. I tackled him to the ground and wrestled around him. Fighting these guys was cake compared to Ehren, I realized. I grabbed at his head trying to keep him quiet but he managed to shout out for a couple of seconds before my hand was attempting to rip his jaw off. I gripped him with my legs and twisted as hard as I could with my arms. His neck snapped and his body convulsed and then stilled. I stayed quiet and listened for anymore around the corner. The music was blaring and I could hear Mags’ wonderful singing filter through the floor. I waited a few seconds and couldn’t hear anymore footsteps. I took a deep breath and exhaled nervously. “Wooo… man.” _I know for a fact someone heard all the noise…_

     I decided to seize this opportunity of freedom to remove my collar. I stood up and immediately went to work on taking it off. My fingers had never moved so fast and I threw it to the ground like it was a hot iron once it was loose. I kicked it across the room and it skittered across the floor. I breathed in deeply and immediately grasped for my neck. It was tender and still lightly bruised but man… it felt so good to know I wasn’t putting that thing back on. I pulled out the hand-made remote and stared at it for a couple of seconds. “Here goes nothing. Ready or not hear I…” I whispered to myself and flipped the switch. I braced myself for the explosion. “come…?”

     I stood there for several seconds wincing. Nothing. Only the sound of Mags’ ending a song could be heard. “The fuck?” I said as I opened my eye and looked at the remote accusingly. “Don’t fucking be like this now!” My nerves were immediately set on fire as I ran for my room to the dresser. I grabbed the screw driver and began to unscrew the thing. I heard loud and heavy footsteps coming up the stairs now as I popped the casing loose. _Come on Damnit! Work!_

     Two wires had come lose. The remote must have gotten jostled while I was taking out those raiders. I began to twist them back into place and the footsteps rushed my room with urgency. I suspected whoever it was had realized there were dead bodies up here and was moving with urgency now. I looked up and reached for my 10mm as the footsteps reached my door. I aimed but the man on the other side of my barrel was not the person I was expecting. It was almost like the poetry I had read in books. The timing perfect and the message beautiful.

      Ehren rushed through the door and stopped at the sight of me. He looked perplexed. Uncomfortable. Tense. It was a nice sight… for the couple of seconds it lasted. He put his hands up and looked me over. He took a shaky breath in and spoke slowly. “Naiema… where is your collar, darling?” He began to creep towards me wearily. One step at a time. Ready to pounce if I made a move.

      I just grinned to him. A shit eating grin. My whole life had come to this one moment. “Time to die.” I said with glee. I lowered my pistol and flipped the switch again on the remote that rested in my free hand. The transmitter that had held my life in its figurative hands whizzed to life. “YOU CUNT! WHAT DID YOU DO?!” He rushed for me. The building shook and the floor shifted as a loud explosion rocked Montien. Loud wooden cracks and the low reverberating drone of the blast sounded. It threw him off balance and I dropped the remote. Both hands went to my pistol as I tried to aim my sights on him. I pulled the trigger several times. Four shots missed as dust filled the room and the beast was closing the distance. _Four shots left._ He was on top of me within seconds. He tried to seize the gun from me. I fired another shot and it grazed his rib cage as he jerked my hand up. His hand grasped the gun and he fired the trigger into the ceiling for me. The bullet’s flying into Hancock’s old room. He didn’t stop until the gun was empty. My last three bullets gone. _Fuck!_ I struggled to get my hand free from him.

     With the gun being a lost cause, I jerked my hand out of his grip as hard as I could. My hand came free but he still held the gun. I took a step towards the bed and away from him. _Knife!_ He gripped the pistol and charged me. His arm rearing back to beat me into submission with my own gun. I ducked and charged at him myself instead of going for the knife. I hit low to catch him off balance. His strike missed as I knocked the wind out of him but he didn’t move. His feet planted firmly. He reared back again and struck me in the spine before I could react. My grip loosened and the blow dropped me to my knees as I grunted. My spine complained as I tried to scramble to my feet. Before I could stand, he grabbed my hair and yanked me backwards. It sent me to the floor on my back. He towered over me now as I scrambled backwards towards the bed. He just chuckled as the building rocked. You could hear flames licking wood in the distance. “We are being invaded!” I heard people shouting. There was no more music. Just the beautiful chaos I had dreamed about for months.

     My back hit the bed and I grabbed for my knife under the mattress. Using the bed as leverage, I stood. His cocky nature quickly faded now that I was a threat again. With a new weapon in my hands, Ehren once again closed the distance to disarm me. I tried to bring the blade down into his chest. He caught my wrist and punched me off of him. I took a few steps to catch my balance and gripped the knife tightly. I took a fighting stance that Hancock had briefly showed me and prepared for him to come at me again. The flames were growing quickly, burning the old wood into easy charcoal. You could feel the heat from the floor below. Ehren just growled in frustration. “What the fuck have you done!?! We could have had it all! You fucking ruined it and now I’m going to enjoy finally killing you!” His eyes were murderous and he looked like he had every intention of acting on it. He came at me again as I had anticipated. All his weight. To the left. I stepped to the side and jabbed the knife into his belly and ripped it out for another strike. He roared and did his signature elbow slam. I barely dodged it and he grazed the side of my temple. I was knocked off balance and thrown to the ground. I squeezed the blade in my hand as to not lose it.

      “Fuck you, Ehren! I’ve already destroyed you! Why do you think I came back!?” I shouted at him as I picked myself off the ground. This time he ran at me and juked me. He tackled into me and tried to get his hands around my throat as my back slammed into the ground. Blood dripped from his abdomen onto me. We struggled on the floor as he gained purchase on my skin and clothes. “That’s where you’re wrong! I own you! That’s why you came back but I realize now I should have put you down years ago!!” He cackled out as one of his hands gripped my tender neck.

     I let out a whimper as his hand pressed against my bruises. His other hand went for his gun. He wanted this to end quickly now that flames were rising. Without any weight on my hand that wielded the knife, I slashed the knife at his arms and he released his grip and backed off. I came at him full force slashing at him more. My knife not finding purchase until he stood to shoot me. My blade met his hand as a shot from his gun sounded. He dropped the gun unwillingly as the knife severed tendon and muscle. I felt the flesh in my thigh rip and burn as the bullet landed there. I cried out and tried to suck up the pain. I pushed on my legs as hard as I could to stand one more time and went after him again. I was trying to hit anything I could with the knife. He needed to bleed. He needed to die.

     He dodged easily and then knocked the knife out of my hands with a blow to my chest and then my wrist. I heaved and then stepped backwards. My hands flew to my chest where the pain blossomed from. My eyes darted around the room as I frantically looked for the knife. His hands were upon me again as I spotted it. I dove for it and his hand gripped my shoulder. His death grip pulled me back as we both went for the knife at the same time. My knees crashed to the floor as I reached out for it. His hands where there before mine. His grip now pulling me towards him. “No!!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs and screamed bloody murder. My body was being dragged helplessly like so many times before. I was struggling to get free despite my previous encounters with him being futile. _I’m not going to survive this! I should of shot him first, I should of…_  My mind raced with regrets and terror. “NOO! FUCK!!!” He placed both his hands on the blade and sent it down straight towards my abdomen. I was free from his hold for a brief second and rolled over onto my stomach. The blade sliced through my hip and was jerked up towards my spin. A deep cut but luckily not a puncture wound. I cried out in pain again and tried to grab at anything as he began to pull me towards him again. Blood began to make the floor slick, so I gripped at the bed to pull myself away from him. The burn from the pipe rifle’s bullet seared as I strained. I could hear the fire roaring now and creep through the ceiling and over furniture on the second floor. His other hand poised to stab me again as he held me down.  _He’s going to kill me!_  Another explosion went off and shook the place. He brought the blade down and stabbed my left arm as the building knocked him off balance once more. The bullet graze not seeming as panful anymore now that the puncture wound felt warm with blood. I screamed as he ripped it out and my eyes locked onto the shiny object under my bed.  _The telephone..._

“You made me do this… I loved you…” he said with a bit of remorse and went for me again with the knife. This time, I knew he wouldn’t miss. There was nowhere for me to go as he used his legs to lock me down. I reached for the telephone with panic, swung it and my body around as hard as I could. I felt my spine complain and my arms go numb as it connected with his head. He was knocked off me and the knife fell from his hands. It slid across the floor out of reach. I didn’t waste time trying to go for the blade and instead straddled him as he felt for his head. I had to kill him while I had the upper hand. I wasn’t getting another chance again. His hands came up and instinctually wrapped around my throat again. I tried to swat him off as he grip tightened and his nails dug into my neck. I squealed and sent the telephone down on his head again. The heavy weight cracked against his skull. His body jolted under me but his grip didn’t loosen. I couldn’t breathe no matter how hard I tried. Desperate, I sent it down again cracking his nose open. “Bitch!” he shouted through teeth. My throat felt like it was going to cave in as all airways were squeezed shut. Black started fill the edges of my vision.

     Memories of everything flashed through my head. It was like all those sayings. _“You’re life flashes before your eyes.”_ The vault opening and the bright light that blinded us. Friends and family being shot down like dogs. Angel being ripped from me. The caravan that took me away from home. The empty wasteland that was all that remained of this cold world. The raiders joking and calling me meat, touching me. The Yao Guai and the Railroad. Ehren’s rough hands on me the night I lost my virginity. His hands as he cut into skin the day he put me on display. The beatings that haven’t stopped since. Anya’s decomposing face. Angel… her head beaten in and splattered on the walls. Hancock slowly dying and turning feral as he was left in the box to die. I looked down at Ehren as my eyes threatened to bulge out of my skull. My arms growing weak and my vision going red. Nothing but red. He chuckled at my momentary pause but I slammed it down into his head again. I had lost control of my body as I kept bringing it down with all my strength. Blood smeared the slick plastic and my fingers were becoming slippery. My hands were shaking but I gripped the phone hard. Blood splattered my face as he smiled a now toothless grin. His face started to look like Angel’s and I couldn’t tell the difference. I screamed but kept sending the heavy phone into his head. His grip loosened for a moment. I beat his arms away from my neck and continued to swing in a frantic manner. I gasped for air and coughed but never did I stop. I only swung the phone and listened. The loud thuds could be heard as the blood covered my body. I hit him over and over as his hands now concentrated on stopping the blows.

     I screamed out as I caught my breathe, a roar of rage. “For the vault! For my dad! For all the kids you fucked over! For all the people you ruined and murdered! For Anya! FOR ANGEL! FOR FUCKING MY LIFE UP!!” I slammed it down one last time as his gripping hands searched for any hold on me. His body went limp with a gurgle of blood. His skull poured his brain matter all over the floor but I kept going. I beat his head in until there wasn’t much left. I heard wood groaning and fire crackling through the second floor. I hadn’t even noticed I was surrounded by fire until a beam that supported part of my room came crashing down in a heap of flame onto the bed. Cleansing all the bad memories with it. Cinders flew near me, shocking me out of my rage. The ringing in my ears was too loud as it accompanied the crackled of fire. I quickly stood and took in Ehren’s dead body with new eyes.  _You’re the monster now._  A voice like my own whispered softly. I dropped the phone and began to sob loudly. Blood dripped from my face and hands as my cries wracked my body. I couldn’t see Ehren laying there though I knew he was. I could only see Angel’s lifeless body lying there. The two looked eerily similar now. It was at this point I wondered if I should even bother trying to escape. The heat burning my skin from its proximity. _I promised._  At that thought, I heard quick footsteps come up behind me. _I want to live._ I realized as I was shocked into action again. I turned to swing my fist, thinking it was someone here to finish the job Ehren couldn’t. As I turned on my heels, both my wrists were caught in leathery hands. I came up against a hard force that compelled me into a hug. My arms pinned against their chest. Blood smearing across clothes and skin. I was caught off guard and began to fight against it. However, a welcoming voice spoke as their arms wrapped tightly around me, pacifying me. “You still with me, sunshine?” 

_Sunshine… I like that nick-name better._

     I collapsed into him and wailed into his chest. My legs giving way as tremors wracked my body. I let everything that I had bottled up go and cried out in complete abandon. My fingers gripped his duster and I tried to breath to tell him I was okay. “Yea… ” I sobbed out weakly. Hancock held me close and supported my weight. “Hey now... Don’t go getting all mushy on me. The place is coming down real fast. We gotta go. Now.” He said as he squeezed me against him. I choked out a half assed chuckle and cry. Cool as a Nuka Cola Quantum, even in the face of immediate danger. He broke his promise but I felt nothing but love in my heart for the man. _“Even lies can be forgiven.”_

     “What the fuck….!!” Someone shouted from the door. It was a raider who was trying to steal as many caps as he could now that the place was crumbling. The old cash register from the second floor’s bar in his hands. He was obviously disturbed at the scene before him. Hancock pulled his shotgun out from his belt with one hand and pulled the trigger. The recoil shaking us both as his other arm still griped me tightly around my waist. The bullets sprayed into the raider’s body and the guy dropped. He lowered the gun and turned his attention towards me again. “You hurt?” he said to me as the building’s groans and crackles became dire over the ringing in my head.

     “He got a shot off on my leg. Other than that, just some flesh wounds. My left arm is wrecked.” I sniffled and released my grip on him.

      “Good thing you shoot with your right. You got a weapon?” He asked hurriedly.

      “No. I’m out of ammo.” I replied helplessly.

     He helped me get stable on my feet and then handed me a gun. It was my favorite gun in fact. A shiny and well cared for 10mm. “Cover me.” He said as he kneeled down to my leg. Sweat beaded off his head as the fire was gaining on us. The heat becoming unbearable. He placed his shotgun on the floor and then whipped out a stimpak. He forced it into my leg and pressed the tab and I hissed at him as the needle went deep into the sore muscle. “You have a terrible bedside manner!” I shouted out as I balled a fist into his duster. He just shook his head and chuckled. “All jokes now that we are about to have the place come down on us, huh? Can you limp at least?”

     I put pressure on my leg and winced. I could push through it. “Yea. Let’s get going before my adrenaline dies and I can feel it.” I stood and limped my way to the nightstand that was catching fire. “What the hell you doin!?” He said as he gripped his shotgun in one hand and grabbed me with the other. I tried to shrug him off until I realized he was trying to help me walk. “I can’t leave without this!” I quickly grabbed the memory box and swiped the necklace out of it. My hands were getting burnt as the flames licked at my skin. I clasped it into my hands tightly and stumbled back into Hancock.

      “Shit, sunshine… A necklace? If you want to remember, just remember!” he said a bit annoyed.

      I grasped his duster with one hand and shoved the necklace into my jeans. We began to make our way through the collapsing second floor. When we hit the stairs, the building shifted again and the stairs creaked in protest. “Shit. Time to go sunshine!” He threw his shotgun at me and I caught it with my left hand.

     I winced again as I strained the stab wound that weakened my grip. Before I knew it, he had lifted me up bridal style and bolted down the stairs. I gasped as my feet left the ground and held on tight. A little further than halfway down the flaming stairs, his foot fell through a fiery step and tripped him. I went flying along with him and we landed with a thud. I could feel the hot fire singe my face and I crawled backwards. I whipped the pistol Hancock gave me out from under me and looked at the chaos. The whole place was in flames and pieces of the third and second floor was tumbling down. Raiders ran this way and that way, shooting at anything they saw. Yelling and scrambling to pull people out of the now crater that wrecked the main level and stage. A raider ran up on us as Hancock got up and retrieved his gun from my lap. I shot three rounds at the raider sending him to the floor. Hancock pulled me to cover by my shirt as we became the new targets for them. “Where is Mags? Where are the girls!?!” I said as I looked at the carnage from the bomb. Bodies, limbs, blood boiling in the fire, just… a disgusting mess.

     “They’re safe, Nai. No worries. I got them out as soon as the collar went off. Man, the shit storm you brewed up… I couldn’t have done it better myself!” He praised me. Bullets started pelting the crumbling wall we hid behind and I flinched. “I got more clips for that gun in my duster pockets when you need them, alright?” I nodded in acknowledgement and he looked me in the eyes. He had that shit eating grin again. _He loves this._

     “You ready?” he asked me and waited for my response.

     “Waiting on you.” I replied and smiled.

      His cockiness was contagious. He lifted his head from cover and took a couple of shots. He ducked back down and threw my left arm over his shoulder and neck.

     “Let’s go!” He shouted over the fire.

     We got up and rushed the remaining raiders in the brothel. One after the other we sprayed and preyed. I took out the farther raiders and waited for ones to poke out of cover while Hancock fired lead into anyone who got close enough. They didn’t stand a chance against us. Everyone was desperately trying to get out and we knew our targets while they shot at each other in confusion. It made it easier than it should have been. I caught myself laughing as I pulled myself into Hancock so I wouldn’t be in his line of sight. I reached into his pocket and pulled out another clip. I quickly dropped the empty one and shoved the new clip in. “To the left!” Hancock shouted as he began to reload.

      I pulled away from him and aimed. A raider to the left of us came at me with a baseball bat through the fire. “Really, dude?!” I said as pulled the trigger. “Bringing… a fucking… bat… to a gun fight?!”

      More blood covered me as I plugged bullets into his chest. He fell and slid to my feet. Hancock was constantly firing off shots and reloading. Anyone that got in his path met a bullet filled death. I limped over to him as we neared the door and put my back against his. He leaned into me so he could support my weight. “You alright?” he shouted over the roaring fire.

     “Peachy!” I replied as we circled looking for anymore slavers.

      “Come on!” He leaned down and put my arm over him again. He helped me limp out of the smoke-filled building as the floor began to cave in further to the basement. The walls from the upper floors were crumbling. “Run!” he shouted. 

 _One… last… push…_ I thought to myself as I hobbled as fast as I could. I was weighing Hancock down and I’ll be damned if I did that. I felt determined to pick up the pace though each step felt like I was going to collapse.

     We rushed into the open where more raiders were waiting. Bullets whizzed through the air and I fired off shot after shot as we ran like hell. I went to grab another clip but he just pulled me harder. “Don’t stop!” He kept encouraging me.

      We were hightailing it across the empty field and past the boxes as the building collapsed on itself. The groans it made was satisfying. Screams could be heard and I wondered how many slaves Hancock had gotten out before he came to my aid. “Just a little further!” He kept saying. “Keep pushing!”

     I could hear gunshots being fired from the direction we were headed. Muzzle flashes could be seen from the top of the hill. It was the rest of the group providing cover fire. As soon as we got close to the top of the hill and the atom bomb burnt forest that surrounded Montien, I collapsed and he followed, collapsing beside me. We were both heaving. I looked over to him as he lit a cig and stared at the sky. I snorted at his action and then laughed through the pain.

     He looked to me with an intoxicating glee in his eyes. “How’s it feel to be free?” He huffed out over smoke. "Cause I'm feelin damn good!"


End file.
